Listen To Your Heart.

I slumped into my green velvet chair and pressed ‘play’ on my answering machine. I was so tired, my nightmares had been keeping me up all night and work had me far beyond occupied during the day. I closed my eyes and waited for my messages to play.

‘Message received at, 2:24pm today.
Hey darling, I know you’re not home now but I just saw the front of the New York Times.’

My eyes flew open, my father was calling me? I hadn’t heard from him since July, it was now November.

‘Your article was featured as the head line, I am so proud of you Belle. I shall call you back later, I’m about to go into my meeting. Love you sweetheart’

I pressed stop on the machine and listened to the message about a thousand times over. I couldn’t believe the words I was hearing. Darling, Proud, Love, Sweetheart. He hadn’t said he was proud of me since I learnt how to ride my bike when I was 5, that was the only time I’d seen him smile while wearing a business suite. He had come home early one day and found me struggling on Nicholas’s bike; I remember his laugh when he saw my tiny feet on the pedal. It is one of my fondest memories with my father; it is one of my only.

Just as I was remembering that day the phone rang, I let it ring out and waited for the machine to get it. The beep sounded,

‘Hey Bee it’s me Danny, I guess you’re not home’ I grabbed the phone and pressed talk.

“Hey Danny, sorry I thought you were someone else.” He chuckled whilst I pushed my shoes off with the end of my opposite foot. “I wanted to know if you were busy tonight and if not, maybe I could come around and make dinner?” I smiled, seeing Danny tonight would put the cherry on top of a good evening. “Oh, dinner sounds amazing. I’m going to have a shower but let yourself in if I'm not out by the time you get here” I stood up and stretched out my back. “Okay lovely, see you soon” I smiled and put the phone back on the rack.

I jogged past the mantel piece over the fire place and knocked off a picture frame. I sighed and bent down to pick it up; I stopped and stared at it.

It was Alex and I; he had his lips plastered to my cheek while I was laughing. I still remember the day Jack took it; it was one of my favourite photos. I stood back up and placed it back in its spot, my heart rate intensified. I hadn’t even realised it was here, I hadn’t even realised I still had it. A photo of John and I kissing, his arms were draped around my waist and mine were placed behind his neck. I was on my toes so I was tall enough, my eyes started to water.
Why would I have this photo? What was I doing with it?

It was like all of a sudden he was the only thing I wanted, the only thing that felt worth dying for. My heart was broken and I was busted, I’m pathetic. I crouched down and pulled my knees into my chest, I knew that it was happening again. I started to sob, first they were just quiet then they just choked me. I felt all alone, like the world had turned its back on me. I wanted, no I needed him. I sat there and cried until I had no tears left, until my eyes were red and my cheeks were soaked. Then I remembered the day at the grave yard, a key rattled in my door but I didn't move.

His arms made their way around her hips, her lips made their way to his. My heart broke.
Danny walked in and watched as the whole content of my stomach was thrown up. I couldn’t move, I just sat sobbing and hoping that I wouldn’t be all alone anymore. Then his arms were around me and pulling me into him, I continued to cry.

“Please don't do this to yourself again Bee, you are so strong” I sat crying, I threw my arms around his neck. He lifted me into his arms and walked me into my bedroom; he pulled back the blanket and put me down softly. As soon as my head hit the pillow I started breathing heavily. Danny layed down next to me and stroked my hair gently, I crammed my face into his chest.

“He has such a power over you, he isn’t even here and he makes you like this” he whispered. I exhaled heavily and wrapped my arms around his waist. “If only he could see what he does to you, how he tortures you” I sobbed quietly, his arms around me tightened. “I’ll make it all go away, I promise I will if you let me” his voice was calm as tears ran down my face.
It was exactly like the first time I left, it was happening again. First it would be the loneliness, then the heart break, then the reckless behaviour. Not again I pleaded, I wanted to make it stop but I couldn’t.