Listen To Your Heart.

I woke up confused to where I was, I grasped my neck. The air wasn’t making it to my lungs, I started to panic. My head was pounding, I breathed in deep. The oxygen burnt my lungs but I only gasped for more. I listened to the rain hitting my window as I finally was back to normal. “Just a dream” I repeated over and over again trying to calm myself down. I rubbed my temples trying to erase the dream out of my memory.

My dream didn't frighten me but I knew it would end up hurting me. I closed my eyes and saw the dream playing again behind my eyelids. John was lying in bed; my head was rested against his chest. He had laced our hands together, I concentrated on his breathing. My head layed right on top of his heart; I listened to its steady rhythm. “I love you” I whispered. The part where John was suppose to say, ‘I love you too’ was silence. When I looked at him he was in tears. “But you left” he repeated over again and again.

My eyes flew open when someone started banging against my front door, I groaned and stood up. The banging continued and only stopped when I finally flung open the door. There he stood; his lanky body was wrapped in a coat too big for his frame. Water dripping from his clothes and hair, he gasped for air much like myself only moments ago. I forgot to breathe. “John” I muttered. My voice seemed to burn him, he shivered and stared at me. Again I muttered his name, he didn’t greet me he just spat his words. “Why did you leave me, what did I do?” I couldn’t comprehend what was happening; I just kept staring at his beautiful face.

“Wasn’t my love enough? Wasn’t I enough?!” he shouted, his voice wasn’t angry but it held pain. I cringed at the thought of him being in pain, but he was no longer mine to worry about so I let it go. “It was damn right selfish” he said pulling me into his arms, his cold wet clothes didn’t even bother me. “I missed you, god only knows how much I missed you Bee” he whispered. I missed the arms that made me feel weightless, I missed them so much. We stood in the middle of the hallway just hugging; I couldn’t let him go. His soaking chest soon had me damp, I pulled away and looked into his blood shot eyes. “How did you find me?” I whispered, John looked at me and half smiled. He knew he melted my heart when he did that, “I have my ways”

I pushed open my door hoping John would realise it was an invitation inside. He looked at me then walked in, was I making a mistake? He took a seat on my couch and stared at me, his eyes wondered my body. I looked down and blushed; I was in my batman underwear and a black spaghetti strap tank.

“You’re all wet, let me go get you some dry clothes” I walked into my room and pulled out the plaid I had taken of John’s when I left and a pair of his boxers. I felt ashamed that I still had these things, I was meant to send them back I just never got around to it. I pulled on a pair of pyjama shorts before walking back out into the lounge room.

John took one look at the clothes in my hands and knew they were his; he smiled but looked at the ground. I passed him the clothes, he took his jacket off. “The bathroom is next to the bedroom, you can change there” I muttered. “You’ve seen me naked before Belle, I don't have a problem with getting changed in front of you” he peeled off his shirt exposing his bare chest. In two lines across his chest read the words
‘we all have been degraded, we all will be the greatest’

My entire body shivered, all I wanted to do was tangle my hands in his hair and wrap my legs around his waist. I wanted John more than he knew.

He slid his arms through the sleeves of the shirt but left it unbuttoned, he pulled off his jeans. I turned around, John only chuckled. I suppose he found it funny, being here and making me feel uncomfortable. The thing was though, I wasn’t uncomfortable; it felt normal. “I’m done” he whispered. I turned back around and sighed, John sat on my couch like it was his own home.

Before I could think about what was coming out my mouth I said it, “You never came for me, you never chased me”. He looked at me with so much pain in his eyes, so much despair. “You left me” he replied with. “Why did you leave me?” he whispered. I sat next to him and looked into his eyes, “If I hadn’t of left John, you would have left behind music” he ran his hands through his wet hair, I rested my hand on his knee. I realised something in that instant, I had fallen for him all over again; as soon as I saw him I wanted to never let him go. I was still crazy for John and I hated myself for it.

TO BE CONTINUED...