Listen To Your Heart.

There was a beeping noise and people chatting. I tried to open my eyes but they hurt so I kept them close. I parted my lips and breathed in; the cool air burnt my throat. I coughed and opened my eyelids slowly, my eyes re-adjusted to the light and I realized I was in the hospital. I scanned the room for Danny but I was all alone. I started to breathe quicker and the machine next to me started beeping quicker and quicker.

A nurse came in and put one hand on my shoulder and the other one my arm. “You need to come down Miss Lewis, you are having a panic attack” my chest felt like it was going to explode. “Slow breaths, in and out” I started to wrestle against her, the room was caving in. Danny ran into the room and grabbed my face with his hands, “I’m here Bee, I’m here” he whispered. The room stopped spinning and my breathing slowed. The machines beeping went back to a slow rhythm.

“What is happening to me?” I muttered. He sat down next to my bed and grabbed my hand, he looked at the nurse. “I’ll go get the doctor” she said. When she walked out I looked back at Danny, he had his head leaning against the edge of the bed. “How could I not have seen it?” he said, it wasn’t really a question it was more of a statement. “What is wrong with me” I asked again this time impatient.

A young doctor walked in with a smile on his face. I had nearly just punched one of the nurses in the face and yet he was smiling? “Miss Lewis, how are you feeling?” he asked looking at his clipboard. “Just peachy” I replied sarcastically. “What is wrong with me” I demanded. I didn't like being here; it brought up memories of the last time I ended up in hospital, the time I got this scar. “You have a mild case of Anxiety” he replied with. I shook my head, “I’m not anxious” I responded with. “Has anything happened recently that would trigger the anxiety” I looked at him confused. “Like what?” he thought for a moment. “A loved one passing on, worrying about work a new boyfriend? Anything at would cause you to panic or worry”

Tears built in my eyes and I looked at Danny, he sighed. “How do we fix it?” he asked. The doctor looked at me and sighed. “Because it is only mild we can’t give you any medication for your anxiety so all you have to do is relax. Take a few days off work and just clear your head.” I scrunched my nose up. “Clear my head? Just give me the meds Doc, I need to keep working; it’s all I have” the doctor exhaled and watched the machine.

“If you start to relax the dizziness, the trouble breathing, the light-headedness and the fever will go away. If your symptoms get worse then I won’t hesitate to put you on the medication.” I closed my eyes, the last thing I needed was to be stuck at home thinking about John. That would only make me worry more. “Do you live alone?” the doctor asked. “Yes” answered. “Is there someone who can stay with you? A family member, a friend?” I turned and looked at Danny. He stroked my face gently, “I’ll stay with her”

“Do you know what caused the anxiety in the first place?” the doctor asked. I thought back to the night Alex left and how the nightmares started. I couldn’t sleep and I was tired, I was worrying because I was tired and my body wasn’t functioning. “I was having nightmares” I whispered. Not many people get anxiety attacks over nightmares. “Are you having trouble sleeping?” he asked. I thought about how easy it was to fall asleep in John’s arms, how safe I felt. Then when I was all alone I’d stay up crying myself to sleep because I was afraid of the nightmares. I was fine, just not when I was alone. “Yes” I muttered. He wrote down something on his clipboard. “I’ll proscribe you some sleeping tablets just until the anxiety goes away” he smiled and walked out of the room leaving just Danny and I.

“I didn't know you were having trouble sleeping” he whispered. I squeezed his hand tighter. “Didn't want to worry you with it” he sighed. “Well I’m going to take care of you now” he mumbled. “I am going to make you better again” he stood up and kissed the top of my forehead.

--

No nightmares, no nothing. The only time I had felt so delighted after waking up was when I woke up next to John. I could get use to these sleeping tablets if they were going to make me feel like this. The Doctor said they might make me feel a bit emotional at first but that would wear off. The entire apartment smelt of lasagne, I smiled and got out of bed.

Danny had everything on the dinner table set up for one person, I looked at it confused. Tears built in my eyes and I looked at him and sobbed “Why is there only one plate on the table”. He looked at me and came over and pulled me into a hug. “Calm down” he whispered. I started to cry and sob really loud. “I have to go into work to pick up some stuff I left there; when I get back I’ll have some” I pulled away and pointed to the table.

“Sit down and eat!” I shouted. I was so angry; I walked into the kitchen and grabbed another plate. I slammed it against the table. “We are a fucking family, sit your ass down and eat!” I demanded. I didn't even know what I was saying. He just looked at me and sat down and started serving. I exhaled heavily, what was I saying? “Fucking tablets” I muttered.

I sat down and looked at Danny. “I’m sorry, you don't have to stay. It’s the stupid tablets the stupid doctor gave me. You-” I stopped. Danny looked at me and smiled. “I’d actually like to eat dinner with you, maybe next time though don't take so many tablets” he chuckled. I half smiled and looked at the food Danny had cooked. “It looks amazing” I whispered across the table. “Just like you” he muttered. I smiled and started eating.

When I was finished I went and layed on the couch and started watching Batman Begins. Danny went out to get that stuff from work, while he was gone I dozed off to sleep.

“Bee” I opened my eyes and moaned; my neck was so sore. “Move over” I shuffled over and Danny sat behind me and I layed down so my head was rested on his chest. “My neck hurts Danny” he sighed. “Close your eyes and it’ll go away” I did as he said and closed my eyes. I was half awake and half dreaming when he spoke. “Bee, did you mean it when you said we were a family” he whispered. “I wish you were my family, I love you that much” I muttered. I fell asleep before he had the chance to reply, I was so tired.