I Couldn't Be More Afraid

He showed up at my front door at exactly 8, just as planned. I was still in my bedroom looking at myself in the mirror and not liking what I saw. I put mousse in my hair to perfect the waves and my make up accented my blue eyes, but I changed outfits at least ten times. Since he was knocking on the door, I decided to leave on what I was wearing; I was wearing a black ruched mini dress that clung to my body paired with black laced heels. I grabbed my black clutch off of my dresser and walked to the door.

When I opened the door, Marc just stared at me for a minute. His face was pretty cute as he examined my outfit.

“You look….amazing,” he said before leaning in to kiss my cheek. I smiled back at him and told him and grabbed my coat from next to the door before following him to his car. He drove me back into the city; we stopped somewhere on Fifth Avenue on the Lower East Side. After parking the car, Marc took my hand and we walked to Bobby Flay’s Mesa Grill. The hostess inside greeted us and led us to a somewhat secluded table upstairs; within a few minutes, a server brought over a bottle of white wine.

“You really planned this out, didn’t you?” I asked looking up from my menu.

“I thought I owed it to you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I was kind of an asshole last night, I shouldn’t have said those things.”

“But you were right,” I admitted, softly.

“About what?”

“That I’m scared of you…of us…of this.”

He looked at me as though I was a fragile child. I’m not even sure why I finally admitted that to him, but I thought he deserved it. I had spent the day thinking about how playing a game wasn’t going to get us anywhere. We knew that we both liked each other and if we didn’t dive in, then we’d probably start to hate each other.

“Is the third date too soon to ask you about your last relationship?”

“Umm…I don’t know.”

“I just want to know who made you this afraid.”

“Do you mean the last guy I called my boyfriend or the last guy that I hung out with regularly, kissed any time we were together, and had sex with regularly until he decided not to talk to me anymore,” I spewed out thinking about Scott and how he had ignored my existence ever since graduation.

“I guess I found the reason,” he laughed. I didn’t tell him anything else about Scott, we just fell back into a natural conversation. Marc was right though, Scott was a big part of the reason I was being so careful. Scott and I had that same flirtatious relationship where he constantly would tell me how much I wanted him. Once I started sleeping with Scott, he had full control over me and afterwards, I swore that would absolutely never happen again.

After an amazing dinner and a visit from Bobby Flay himself, Marc led me back to the car. We pulled into a garage that looked vaguely familiar until I realized that we were at Marc’s apartment. I wasn’t sure what he was expecting or what would happen; we had slept in the same place twice, but neither was at the end of a date. When he got out of the car, I started to tense up, unsure of whether or not I wanted him to take me home. I decided to follow him upstairs to his apartment, though I knew even he could tell that I was nervous.

He looked at me and said, “I thought we could come back here to just talk; I didn’t want to deal with other people being around.”

“Just talk?” I asked.

“If that’s what you want,” he responded. When we got inside, he led me to the same couch that I had recently slept on. He sat down with a little distance between us and just looked at me, smiling. We sat there making small talk for a while and genuinely learning more about each other. He told me stories about him and his brothers growing up in Northern Ontario; I had never left the east coast of the US, so I loved hearing about somewhere that seemed like another universe. I told him about my family life; I was pretty boring, grew up on Long Island, spent four years at Drexel in Philly earning a pretty useless communications degree, then worked at a bar until I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life.

In the middle of a conversation, Marc leaned across the couch and pressed his mouth against mine. His tongue brushed against my bottom lip as I opened my mouth and allowed him entrance. He started to use his weight to push me onto the couch when I pushed up, stopping him.

“Marc, we…”

“Layla, do me a favor and stop thinking.”

He immediately returned to my mouth, this time fully embracing me and lowering himself on to the couch on top of me. Our kiss was so intense that I felt like we were using each other’s breath in order to survive. Every logical part of my brain was telling me to stop him, but the feelings were so intense that I couldn’t move except to put my arms around him. He stood up, lifting me with him and carried me into his bedroom, never breaking the kiss.

We stood next to his bed, continuing to explore each others’ mouths with our tongues. His hands moved to the zipper on the back of my dress as his mouth moved to the nape of my neck. I tilted my head back to give him more access as he unzipped the back of my dress. He kissed my shoulders where the straps were, allowing the dress to fall off into a pile on the floor. I stepped backwards, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him on top of me. He kissed my neck and moved his hands on top of my pink lace bra, I let out a soft moan as his fingers slipped inside pinching my nipple. He reached behind me and unclasped my bra, removing it and stopping for a moment to admire my body. I started to feel self conscious until the smile appeared on his face. He tossed my bra on top of my dress and his mouth explored my breasts. His hand was on my left breast, while his teeth nibbled on my right nipple; he then found his way over and his tongue circled my nipples one at a time. His hand lowered to the inside of my panties, taking my clit between his thumb and forefinger. I gasped as his cold hands ravished my sensitive areas.

He kissed down my flat stomach as his hands removed my underwear; I raised my hips to help assist him in adding them to the pile on the floor. I felt his warm breath between my thighs as he kissed them one by one. I moved my legs further apart as his tongue moved inside of my soft folds. He took my clit in his teeth and I screamed in pleasure, then his tongue began to swirl around it while he inserted one finger into my wet hole. One finger soon became two and three and he was thrusting faster and faster; my body tensed as I began to sweat. As his fingers hit the right spot and he again nipped at my clit, I shook as the first wave electrified my body. He kissed his way back up to my mouth until I could taste myself on his tongue.

I then took power into my own hands, pulling his shirt over his head to reveal his perfectly toned pecs and abs, I pushed him off of me and straddled his entire body. The look on his face was a combination of shock and ecstasy as I licked my way down his chest. I traced the outline of his six pack with my tongue, while my hand moved inside of his jeans. He was hardening in my hand as I lowered myself, looking up at him and making sure my eyes met his. I unzipped his jeans and removed his pants and boxers in one fluid movement. I wrapped my hands around his swollen eight inch member and moved my head between his legs. My tongue started on his balls until he made sounds that I had never heard before. I licked my way up the shaft, replacing my tongue with my small hand. I put the entire tip in my mouth, my tongue swirling around the cleft. I heard him moan “more,” and I allowed my teeth to gently make contact with the tip of his cock. He screamed in pleasure and puts his hands on my head, I reached up with my hands and intertwined our fingers while my head bobbed up and down taking as much of his length in my mouth as possible. My tongue never stopped moving and he screamed “oh God, I’m gonna come.” I started to gently suck on the tip licking every drop that came out; when he came, I took it all in my mouth and licked him until he was clean.

He let go of my hands and pulled me back up until our faces me again. He kissed me hard and flipped himself back on top of me. Our naked bodies wrestled on the bed until I felt him hardening again. I tried to push him back over, but he was stronger and held me down. I took his cock in my hand until I felt it harden more and he stood up and moved over to his nightstand to grab a condom. He wrapped it around his fully erect cock and stood next to the edge of the bed. Marc pulled me over to the edge and separated my legs; he inserted his fingers first, then moved his dick closer to my opening. He guided himself with his hand until he was at my opening; I needed him inside me more than anything.

“Put it in.”

“Oh, you want this?” he asked, “beg for it.”

“Give it to me!” I moaned.

He ran the tip over my clit and I moaned “fuck me, now.” He continued to tease me my holding the tip at my entrance. He inserted just the tip and said “you like that?”

“More. Now.”

He pulled the tip out and put it back in again, I couldn’t take it anymore, I needed him inside of me. I wrapped my legs around him, digging my heels into his back, trying to pull him closer, but he resisted.

“Show me how much you want it,” he said in a breathy tone as he just kept the tip inside of me, my opening clenching, trying to urge him deeper.

“You’re a fucking tease,” I said.

He responded by thrusting as hard as he could into me. I screamed as I felt him touch the right spot inside. He started to pound as hard as he could, knocking into the bed with every thrust. He groaned every time his balls made contact with my body. I wrapped my legs tighter around him forcing him to thrust even harder. He put his arms around me and pulled me up until my breasts were even with his face. His tongue explored both of my nipples, his teeth joining in. I was moaning in unison with his continued thrusting; he picked me up off of the bed and turned around, sitting so that I could ride him. He began to suck on my neck and put his hands on my ass as I rode up and down, sucking every drop of life out of his cock.

“I’m going to cum,” he screamed again before flipping me back over onto the bed so that he was laying on top of me. The last thrusts were the strongest until I felt myself contracting, holding his cock even tighter. My body exploded with that orgasm as I felt his body shudder, his cock thrusting hard one last time. He pulled out and collapsed on top of me, his tongue finding mine again. If I hadn’t been already, I knew in that moment, that I was in over my head.