I Couldn't Be More Afraid

It was a good thing I loved everything about my job because my boss was scheduling me for way more hours than I was used to. Luckily, between the base and tips, I was making pretty decent money. I loved working with Leah and getting paid to flirt without having to follow up on it sounded like a pretty good deal to me. Leah and I both had a rule against dating regulars though; she did it once when she first started the job and it ended badly causing us to lose some of our biggest tippers. Leah and I both worked twelve hour shifts some days from 4pm until everything was cleaned up around 4am. The quiet time from 4 until 7 was pretty enjoyable and those were the hours where she became one of my closest friends.

“So, are you nervous about tomorrow night?” Leah asked me of course talking about my first date with Marc. He wouldn’t tell me anything except to dress nice and that he would pick me up at my house. I lived by myself in a basement apartment; my landlords were snowbirds and didn’t live in the house from November through late March, so it was nice and peaceful. They also let me have a cat, so I always had company, even if he just slept most of the day. My parents lived nearby, but I was always the kind of person who needed privacy and alone time, so I loved where I lived.

“I’m not sure,” I responded.

“How could you not be sure?”

“I like Marc, so I’m excited to be spending time with him…but I don’t know what he expects. Maybe that’s what I’m a little nervous about.”

“I think you’ve made it clear that you’re not going to put out.”

“You can say that again,” my friend Alex who worked in the kitchen added.

“What’s that supposed to mean, Alex”

“Layla, babe, you were an ice queen to him both times he’s been in here. I’m surprised he even kept trying. Dude must really like you.”

“But I gave in and agreed to go out with him, what if he thinks I’ll give in again.”

“Saying ‘okay’ implied that you were a little skeptical about it, at least that’s what I would think,” Leah said.

“You think like a girl,” Alex said, “it didn’t matter what she said, she agreed to go out with him and that means you want it. He might think you’re just playing hard to get…that could be why he keeps coming back.”

“Alex, go back in the kitchen,” Leah said.

“I’m not a girl,” Alex responded. All three of us started laughing and Alex went back into the kitchen to work. The crowed started piling in and the rest of the night flew by. I tried to stop my mind from running away from me. There was an Islanders and Penguins game on that night, so I would talk about Crosby with the Isles fans and say whatever they would disagree with in order to make them extra flirtatious. It ended up being a pretty good night and I was able to get out by 2:30.

On my drive home, I started to really think about my date with Marc. The truth was, I was absolutely terrified. I found myself falling for him; I was falling for the cute texts he would send me late at night, I was falling for the pictures of his faces before and after games, I was falling for the way he would ask me questions about myself but phrase them in a sexual way…most of all I was just falling for everything I knew he was. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to sleep with him on the first date; I didn’t want to lose him that quickly. Then I worried about him trying and leaving me when I said no. If all he was after was sex though, why didn’t he go away the first time that I said no?

I wanted to think positively, that the date would go well. I wanted to think that Marc wouldn’t try anything and that at the end, we’d be happy….we’d want to see each other again. I didn’t want him to know that I even thought about it as much as I did. I had to pretend that it was just another date and that he was just another guy. There was no way that I could admit to how much I wanted to see him and be around him.

The next morning, I hung out with Kim for a little bit before I had to go to work. My boss called and asked me to work from 1-6, which was fine because Marc was picking me up at 8 and I only lived a few minutes from Maxwell’s. Kim and I decided to meet for breakfast since we hadn’t hung out in a while due to our conflicting work schedules.

“So, what’s the big news that you couldn’t tell me over the phone or via text?”

“I have a date tonight.”

“Okay….is it someone you met at the bar?”

“Not exactly…”

“Layla, just tell me!”

“Marc Staal.”

“What?!” she practically screamed across the restaurant, “I thought you weren’t interested.”

“I guess I wasn’t at first, but the more I talked to him, the more I realized he’s a pretty good guy and I decided to give him a chance.”

She just sat there and stared at me for a few minutes. We talked about everything that had changed between Marc and me recently and how hard I was falling. Kim laughed at me because I always had the upper hand with guys that I dated. She wondered if I would be able to maintain that this time; when I told her more details, she started to think that I had him wrapped around my finger. Maybe I did, but I really had no idea. Kim told me that she could tell from the very beginning that Marc liked me, but she really didn’t think that I would give in. This was something new to me…jumping in head first…but maybe it would prove in my favor.

Our conversation was interrupted by my phone buzzing across the table. I looked at it and there was a text message from a number that I didn’t recognize. It had a New York City cell phone area code, so I decided to read it.

Text: Be good to my boy tonight, I know where you work – B.D.
Me: Dubi?
Dubi: Yeah, I swiped your number from Staals phone this morning.
Me: Tell your boy to behave and there will be no problems
Dubi: I make no promises.

I was showing Kim the messages and she made a comment about how it seems like Dubi and me are becoming pretty good friends. I thought about it and wasn’t sure; he was a fun guy and he just seemed to want his friend to be happy. Marc told me that Dubi’s been pretty down since he broke up with his girlfriend at the start of the season; I felt bad until I found out that it was because he cheated on her a few times and she finally found out. Most of the team never liked her anyway, but I made sure that Marc knew that I did not approve of cheating. Not that I was his girlfriend anyway, we were just two people going on our first date.

I left Kim and went home to get ready for work. Since it was the afternoon shift, I stuck with black pants and a black button down shirt; there weren’t going to be many young people and it would be more food orders than drinks. It was pretty dead in general though, so Leah and I just started talking about my date. She was teasing me about it because of Marc’s reputation, but it was all in good fun. Then Leah walked over to the jukebox and wouldn’t tell me what she was doing.

What’ll you do when you get lonely and nobody’s waiting by your side? You’ve been running and hiding much too long. You know it’s just your foolish pride. Layla, you’ve got me on my knees, Layla, I’m begging darling please, Layla, darling won’t you easy my worried mind.

She sang along with every long, drawn out “Layla,” as obnoxiously as she could. I knew that song way too well since people had been singing it to me since I was born. However, hearing it and thinking of Marc singing it to me, helped to ease my mind.

When six o’clock rolled around and our relief showed up, I ran out the door to get ready. I got home, showered, and blow dried my hair within forty minutes. I had just over an hour to pick out what I was wearing, put on makeup, and styling my hair. My closet had way too many options in it; I had a shopping problem and owned way more than anyone ever should. I finally decided on one of my favorite little black dresses; it was sleeveless, had a plunging v-neck, was tight in all of the right places, and ended in layers right above my knee. It complimented me in all of the right ways. I decided that my hair looked best down and put on enough make up to compliment me. When I thought I was ready, I took a picture and sent it to both Leah and Kim. They each responded that I looked amazing and I felt pretty confident. Then, it came down to shoes – I chose a strappy sandal with a two inch heel; I was only 5’4” and Marc was a whole foot taller than me, so having that couple of inches would be okay.

At exactly 8, there was a knock at my door. I walked slowly to answer it and Marc just stood there, staring at me. He hadn’t seen me really dressed up before; when I dressed for work, I went for a combination of slutty and business-like, but for the date, I wanted more classy.

“You look amazing,” he said handing me a single red rose.

“Thank you,” I responded before bringing the rose into the kitchen and putting it into a class of water. He asked if I was ready to go and I followed him out to his car. I was expecting something fancy, but he drove a very simple, classy black Mercedes.

“So where are we going?”

“A friend suggested a nice Italian place on the north shore. I wanted to take you somewhere quieter and more relaxing than the City”

The restaurant was about twenty five minutes from me and the conversation flowed pretty easily in the car. He seemed nervous and wasn’t using any stupid pick up lines on me; I felt pretty comfortable with him. When we got to the restaurant, he opened doors for me and pulled out my chair. I really wasn’t expecting any of that from him, so it was nice.

“Nice win the other night,” I said, he had a goal and an assist against the Sharks two nights earlier.

“Thanks. Were you watching at work?”

“Yeah, Leah was teasing me about you all night.”

“Oh yeah, what did she say?”

“Just that you were scoring to impress me,” I laughed.

“Did it work,” he asked, that smirk I had gotten used to had finally returned.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” I responded slyly.

It seemed like that conversation broke the ice and he was finally teasing me again. I was having a lot of fun; we shared some wine and just talked. He told me that he didn’t really want to talk about hockey anymore, he spent enough of his life doing that. He did tell me stories about the guys on the road though, and the pranks that they played on each other.

After dinner, he told me that he wasn’t ready for the night to end. I was honest and told him that I didn’t either; I was having a really great time, but there was no way that I was inviting him back to my place. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to get an invitation or not, but I made sure not to give the idea that I would offer it.

“Gilroy told me about a place he used to go all the time, would you like to go there?”

“Where is it?”

“That’s a secret.”

“Well, if it’s a secret, then I might as well find out,” I laughed.

It took us about thirty five minutes until we arrived somewhere along the bay, I’m guessing we were in the Merrick area, which is where Marc’s teammate Matt Gilroy grew up. He led me down the beach to a log that overlooked the ocean; it was peaceful on a November night…and a little chilly. Before we got out of the car, I noticed that Marc grabbed a blanket; when he saw me shivering, he handed it to me. I wrapped it around my arms as we sat there, watching the waves roll in and just talking more. The more conversations we had, the more I was falling for him.

At one point, after we had been there for around an hour, Marc looked at me and smiled; I smiled back at him. He put his hand on top of mine as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Neither of us moved a muscle, but I felt safe there with him in that moment. We stayed there for a while, not moving, just talking. I realized that maybe I was wrong about his intentions.