Just a Feeling

The next week, Rowan was feeling supremely annoyed with herself. She hadn’t been able to pay attention in any of her classes. She was too busy thinking about Luke. It was hard, being so close to him yet so far away. He didn’t talk to her, he didn’t look at her. She did her best to do the same. But that didn’t mean she succeeded. She found herself looking at him much longer than was strictly necessary, and thinking about him more than could possibly be healthy.

How could someone who said so little get so stuck in her head?

Rowan was stopped on her way to lunch by Luke. “You two go on, we’ll catch up,” he told Livy and Edwin, who always walked with her to the cafeteria.

“And if I don’t want to talk to you?” Rowan said bitterly as her friends walked away.

“I want to talk with you,” Luke answered. “That’s good enough for me, for now.”

“And what’s to stop me from walking away?”

“Nothing. But please, hear me out.”

Rowan’s heart fluttered. Why did he have to make it so hard to hate him? She wished she could, and she tried. It would be better than this.

She couldn’t say no to him. “Fine,” Rowan snapped. “What do you want?”

“I wanted to apologize to you. I was unnecessarily mean, and maybe I was wrong. It’s harder than I thought it would be, staying away from you.”

Rowan knew her face had paled. “I… don’t know what you want me to say.”

Luke’s heart sank. Maybe the other night hadn’t mattered to her as much as it mattered to him. Maybe he’d read her wrong, and she wasn’t really closing him off because she was angry. Maybe she was just disgusted with herself, for having kissed him even once. And the worst part was that she was avoiding his gaze.

He had no idea what she was thinking.

“You hurt me,” Rowan confessed. “I…” This was too hard to say aloud, so Rowan took the easy way out. She cautiously looked up, locking eyes with him. Her eyes were dark purple, a color he knew meant that she was nervous. He also knew that what was running through her mind was definitely nothing to do with regret or repulsion.

She was just hesitating to trust him. He’d hurt her, and she didn’t want it to happen again. Luke almost laughed. He didn’t think he could do that again. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to ignore her, not after what had to be the longest week of his life, with the exception of one other.

So Luke did the only thing he could think of to make her listen to him, to make her understand- he kissed her.

She fought him at first, but then she sank into it until they were both gasping and breathless.

“Rowan, I don’t know what’s going to happen, and I don’t know if this can work out, but I want to try.” Rowan’s arms tightened around his neck.

“Are you asking me to go steady, Mr. Sinclair?” she asked, smiling.

“I guess you could call it that, if you’re fifty and senile.”

“So you’re saying you’re dating a fifty year old?”

“I suppose I am.”

Ash saw the change immediately, and he didn’t know how to react. Rowan and Luke. Luke and Rowan.

He could tell they cared for each other. Rowan glowed happier than he’d ever seen her, and her amber eyes reflected that, always having a yellow tint to them. But still, wasn’t his job as big brother supposed to be keeping these boys away from her?

Ash settled for accepting Rowan’s decision and glaring menacingly at Luke whenever she wasn’t looking, much to the amusement of their group.

Luke started meeting her outside of her classes and walking her to the next, holding her hand and talking about anything and nothing. Rowan felt herself beginning to rely on him, and did her very best not to figuratively run screaming.

She might have learned to accept friends, but accepting this level of responsibility terrified her.

Still, Rowan thought, she’d have to get over this eventually if she was ever going to be queen. Baby steps.