Our Type of Kissing

Chris’s POV

I pace back and forth in front of the building. It’s been two days since her

meltdown and I don’t know what to do. I stop, looking up. The skyscraper

apartments loom rather ominously over the run down apartments Kaley

lives in. I decide to go in, trying to fight back the gut instinct retching inside of

me. Kaley has no one besides me, and I can’t abandon her for too long. Two

days. I hope it doesn’t register as too long. I try to distance myself from her,

but I can’t help but sometimes wonder if it’s all for the best. I shiver, pulling

the jacket’s collar closer to my neck. I decided to go in, didn’t I? Then why

am I still out here? The hard sidewalks of NYC still grind under my feet, and I

silently memorize every crack in the walk. How many times have I done this

before? Sometimes I just stand outside her building tempting myself to go

in. Oh how I wish I could! Just go in and let her sink into my arms. I know

she would. To passionately kiss her like she deserves. I shake my head. I

will not let her become and object. I’ll keep waiting for her then. Until she can

love herself. I cross the street and sink into the bench, my head in my

hands. I wonder for the umpteenth time if this really is for the best. Sure,

she’ll get the love she deserves, but at what cost? I don’t want to have to

face another empty apartment. I can’t find her on the floor, passed out again.

If I could love her like this, but I stop myself. I can’t love her. not like this. I

look up at the buildings. If I don’t go in now, I know I won’t at all.

Kaley’s POV

The bottle sits in my hand. There’s enough in there to kill me. I know that

much. Shaken, I stand from the couch and go to the kitchen, where my

notepad lies. I begin to write.

“Chris,” I bite my lip and look at the note so far. “I want to thank you for all

you’ve done, but,” I finger the pills. “it’s better this way.” I bite harder and my

lip begins to bleed. The sticky sweet taste penetrates my mouth. I wonder if

that’s how death tastes? “I know not many people can be thankful for a slimy

rat hole,” I look around my ramshackle apartment, “and I don’t hold you to

that. But I’m gonna give it to you anyway. The only things I need,” I finger the

charm bracelet. “I never had. Please don’t blame yourself, there’s nothing

you could have done.” I think back to how softly he had put me back together

two nights ago, how he had kissed my forehead hard. I touch my bleeding

lip. “Well, almost nothing. Love, Kaley” I sit and read it a couple times over.

And for the first time in years, I begin to pray.