The Way I Loved You

Gracie slept next to me, pretty much all through the night, only waking up twice. It was a new habit that I knew I was going to have to overcome and sleeping up until noon was no longer an option. 
At around 7:30am I woke up to Grace slapping my bare chest softly, laughing up a storm. I opened up one eye to look at her as she giggled drumming on my chest, then looking mesmerized as she traced along the lines of my tattoo. She had crawled up my chest and when she did I surprised her by lifting her up in the air above my face. 
At first she looked terrified, but soon that smile I fell in love with last night, replaced it. 
"How's my baby doing?" I asked bringing her soft cheek to my lips to give it a kiss. 
Gracie just cooed, blowing bubbles once again. 
"How bout some breakfast, then we'll call Gramma so we can go shopping. Do you like that idea?"

Three long grueling hours at Babies 'R Us and two crying fits later, we were back at my house cleaning out the guest bedroom next to mine and setting it up as Gracie's nursery. My mom left as I started to assemble the mahogany crib and to be completely honest, I had a blast putting it together. I was so wrapped up in the room that I didn't hear the front door open along with the voices getting closer and closer. 
"Dude what the fuck is all this shit?" Jared questioned as he hit one of the toys sitting on the baby dresser.  
I turned around quickly glaring at Jared then over at Gracie as she sat playing in her pink princess playpen. 
"Watch your language!" I snapped at him. 
Both Kennedy and Garrett stared at me with disbelief. 
"Oooh! Look a baby!" I chuckled to myself and thought Leave it to Pat to be the comedic relief.
"Baby, baby crib, baby stuff, baby room...Wait how do you have a baby?" Garrett mused. 
"Well Garrett, when two people love each other very much," I started out with a snicker. "They do things only adults do which is...well they have sex and BAM a baby is created. Unless you have protection."
"Really? I'm not a child." Garrett scoffed "Seriously, why do you have a baby in your house?" 
I sighed, stopped what I was doing and gave all the guys a serious look before speaking. "Guys this is Grace Noel, she's uh-she's my daughter." 
Pat pulled her out of her playpen studying her. "Yep, she's yours alright. Look guys she has his same eyes and same smile."
"Let's just hope she doesn't have his personality." Garrett mumbled. 
I shot him a dirty look which caused him to back up a few steps with his hands up as if he was surrendering.
Kennedy and Jared chuckled. "So is that why that lady was here?" 
Thinking about yesterday broke my heart a little. "Yeah." was all I said before going back to fixing the crib by putting the sheets on the mattress. 
My mom and I decided not to make her room to pink and I liked how all the colors of neon green, blue and orange came together with the pink ensembles and the blank white walls. 
"What are you going to do with her?" Kennedy asked in a serious tone. 
"What do you mean?" I rose my eyebrow in confusion. 
Garrett sighed. "Dude we go on tour in a three weeks. Then we go into the studio for our follow up album. What are you planning on doing with her?" 
"I'm taking her with us on tour." I stated simply. 
Garrett protested. "You can't do that! Aside from not having anyone to watch after her while we're on stage or doing press or signings, Tim is going to be livid if there's a child on the bus." 
"I'm not leaving her here. I'm all she has." Sadness washed over me completely. 
Pat finally decided to chime in. "What do you mean where's Emily?" 
"What makes you automatically think that it's Emily's child?" Jared snapped knowing that even the mention of her name left a bigger hole inside of me. 
"Jar, look at her," Pat handed Gracie over to Jared. "She's a mini Emily." 
Kennedy spoke barely looking at Grace. "Okay, so give her back to Emily. If she had someone drop her off it might not be that hard to find-"
I cut him off. "Yeah you're right, it won't be too hard to find her grave." 

Tim glared at me for about 20 minutes before rubbing his forehead with his left hand. "John has a point. Yeah, she's a year and a half but she needs a parent. I'm pretty sure that one of the girls on tour will be happy to watch Gracie every now and then. By next tour we could find some one that is reliable and eligible to care for a child or leave her with your mom."
Gracie giggled as she dropped her sippy cup full of apple juice on Tim's desk. 
"And you little Missy, are lucky I have come to love you and adore you or I'd be pissed at your daddy and he'd be in a whole lot more trouble." Tim pulled her out of my grasp over to his side of the desk and kissed her chubby cheek. 
"Now, uncle Tim has some work to do and I'll be over later to bring you a lovely surprise." 
Tim stood Grace up on the desk and she stumbled over to Garrett. He tossed her in the air sending her into a fit of giggles then blew bubbles on her tiny tummy. 
"Now that we have part of the Gracie situation settled, we need to figure out the merchandise products and prices." 
Pat jumped up from the in office couch "I'll talk to you about it at home then pass it on to the guys." 
Tim nodded his head and for the rest of the hour I sat watching as the guys played with Grace as we talked over more pre-tour arrangements.  

My mom screeched through the receiver of the phone. "You can't take her on the road with you! John are you out of your mind?!" 
"Mom, calm down. We already talked things through with Tim and the rest of the crew." 
My mom huffed over the phone. "What about her health? Did you think about that hmm? What happens if and when Grace gets sick? Did you think about that?" 
"Yes I did! Mom, I'm telling you everything has been talked about figured out and put in place. Mom I missed the first year of her life I'm not going to miss anymore of it." 
She stayed silent as I stopped at the red light. "Fine. Your dad, Shane and Ross are on their way home. Drive carefully."
"I will. See you soon ma." 
After I hung up with her, I looked through the rearview mirror and smiled as little Gracie slept in her car seat.