They're Gonna Eat Me Alive

Ryan didn’t want to be here, but Brendon was practically ignoring him. They hadn’t touched in weeks and Ryan was hurting.

Pete knew that Ryan was just using him—that he just wanted someone to fill the empty gaps that Brendon left. Pete also knew that this wasn’t working, but he was going along with it anyway. Ryan wouldn’t let him stop.

Ryan shook with silent sobs next to Pete, thinking that he was sleeping. Pete was awake, but he didn’t let Ryan know. It was only when Ryan fell out of bed to hurry to the bathroom that Pete sat up. He could hear Ryan emptying the contents of his stomach. He got out of bed and pulled on the boxers that had been discarded not that long ago and went into the bathroom to find Ryan slumped against the toilet, still crying.

“You should just tell him how you feel,” Pete said quietly, startling Ryan. He jumped and wiped at his face trying to hide his tears. Ryan didn’t say anything, but looked away from Pete now. “Do you want some clothes?”

Ryan nodded and Pete went back to grab Ryan’s boxers. He returned to the bathroom and turned around as Ryan quickly slipped them on. Pete turned back around and watched as Ryan flushed the toilet. He still hadn’t said anything.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” Pete said. Ryan sniffled and pressed his palms against his eyes.

“We shouldn’t have done this,” Ryan whispered. “We shouldn’t have done this.”

Pete couldn’t help but feel guilty.

“I asked you if you were sure,” Pete responded. Ryan shook his head and looked at him. Pete couldn’t help but notice that Ryan’s eyes looked empty.

“It’s not your fault,” Ryan said. “I thought this would help.”

Ryan knew that if anything, this had made things worse. He didn’t tell Pete that though. Ryan went back out to the bed, and crawled under the blankets. He heard Pete as he closed his eyes.

“Do you want me to leave?” Pete asked.

“No,” Ryan said quietly. “I don’t want to be alone.”