They're Gonna Eat Me Alive
Love
“Brendon?” Ryan said suddenly. Ryan wasn’t sure why he chose to start these conversations when Brendon was almost asleep, but it was when Ryan was laying in bed that he really thought about things. He had been watching Brendon sleep and he just couldn’t stand the thought of never knowing some things. “Brendon.”
It took a moment, but Brendon was awake and looking back at Ryan.
“What?” Brendon asked, sounding both tired and slightly irritated. Ryan ignored it and asked his question anyways.
“Why won’t you love me?” Ryan asked. Brendon just stared at him, and Ryan could tell that Brendon was already thinking about what he could say that would hurt Ryan less. But it was too late for that—Ryan was already hurting and had been for a while now.
“Love just isn’t for me,” Brendon said finally.
“I love you,” Ryan said. Brendon already knew this, but this was the first time that Ryan had ever said it to him.
“If you really did love me, you wouldn’t go to Pete when I don’t want you,” Brendon said. He knew that this statement had hurt Ryan by the way he now looked like he was about to cry. “You need to stop doing this to yourself.”
It was the same thing Pete had said to Ryan a few weeks ago, but he knew that Brendon meant it in a different way. The only thing that Ryan could think of doing at this point was to leave. He got out of bed and pulled on his clothes; Brendon didn’t stop him. Before he left, Ryan looked at the bed and saw that Brendon had fallen back asleep.
“I only want you to love me,” Ryan whispered. He left.
It took a moment, but Brendon was awake and looking back at Ryan.
“What?” Brendon asked, sounding both tired and slightly irritated. Ryan ignored it and asked his question anyways.
“Why won’t you love me?” Ryan asked. Brendon just stared at him, and Ryan could tell that Brendon was already thinking about what he could say that would hurt Ryan less. But it was too late for that—Ryan was already hurting and had been for a while now.
“Love just isn’t for me,” Brendon said finally.
“I love you,” Ryan said. Brendon already knew this, but this was the first time that Ryan had ever said it to him.
“If you really did love me, you wouldn’t go to Pete when I don’t want you,” Brendon said. He knew that this statement had hurt Ryan by the way he now looked like he was about to cry. “You need to stop doing this to yourself.”
It was the same thing Pete had said to Ryan a few weeks ago, but he knew that Brendon meant it in a different way. The only thing that Ryan could think of doing at this point was to leave. He got out of bed and pulled on his clothes; Brendon didn’t stop him. Before he left, Ryan looked at the bed and saw that Brendon had fallen back asleep.
“I only want you to love me,” Ryan whispered. He left.
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So, I'm back to college-- My first day of classes tomorrow. I'm gonna try and update this as much as I can, but please be patient. I don't know how busy I'm going to be yet.Thanks to the following people for commenting:
GreenUmbrellaTree
ColorMeBright
Comments are appreciated and make me super happy!
~Sally