They're Gonna Eat Me Alive

Ryan didn’t feel happy with Brendon anymore. The happy and contented feelings that he used to feel with Brendon were gone. When Ryan was with Brendon, he felt scared and worried. He was afraid of what Brendon would say next to hurt him more.

The thing was, though, that Brendon wasn’t aware that he was hurting Ryan. He didn’t notice the way that Ryan didn’t respond as much when Brendon would kiss him or touch him. He didn’t notice how Ryan was quieter or how his eyes would stare unfocused into the distance. He didn’t notice when Ryan stopped coming to him.

Ryan didn’t know what to do anymore. He didn’t have anyone. Brendon didn’t want him. Pete was too busy to have him. Ryan thought about writing new songs for the band, but nothing was inspiring him.

When the loneliness started to become more than Ryan could bear, he soon found himself back in Brendon’s arms. Back in Brendon’s bed. He knew that this was doing more harm than anything else. When they were done, and Brendon was sleeping, Ryan cried silently wishing that just somehow things would go right for him. Unable to sleep, Ryan left a few hours later, careful to not wake Brendon.

A few days later, Pete showed up at Ryan’s apartment and the next thing they were in Ryan’s bed. Ryan hadn’t heard from Brendon since the other day. When they were done, Pete stayed. He did care about Ryan. It may have seemed like Pete was only using Ryan for sex, but he really wasn’t. Pete was concerned about the way that Ryan would throw himself at him. He couldn’t bring himself to turn Ryan away because he knew that somehow this would just break Ryan completely.

Pete knew that Ryan was messed up. He knew this all had to do with Brendon. Everything about their relationship was unhealthy. Pete wished that there was some way to help Ryan. To get him back to normal. But he knew that those chances were quickly slipping away. He knew that Ryan was almost completely gone.