Word Vomit

Agitated I pulled my hair and let out a muffled scream, this was not how things were supposed to go the first time I met the band. No, this was supposed to be perfect or I was at least supposed to make a good impression. My lunatic of a mother was not supposed to break down the damn door and call me a whore before slapping me and pushing my buttons enough until well I lost my temper and ended up punching her in the face. I highly doubted that I had made a good impression with the rest of Guns N’ Roses.

“Jess can I come in?” Duff’s voice asked cautiously from outside the thin wooden door. In reply I let out another muffled scream and fell backwards onto the unmade bed. “Is that a yes or a no?” He asked after a moment of not getting a worded response.

“It’s whatever you think would be best.” I replied as I rolled my eyes and kicked my foot, which connected with something, hopefully not Duff’s bass or else I would never hear the end of that.

“In that case it’s a yes.” He said, making a decision as he lightly kicked open the door. “If it helps I brought shots.” He added lightly as I shot him an unamused look from the bed. He was smiling; he was fucking happy.

“Shots of what?” I asked suspiciously as he sat down on the bed next to me.

“Alcohol.” He answered, “now sit up and I’ll think about giving you your shot.”He told me, I let out a sigh because in reality things were not going my way today, at all.

“There are you happy now?” I grumbled as I sat up beside Duff

“Almost, now smile and drink your shot.” He told me, I flashed him a fake smile quickly before he handed me my shot. “So...” He stopped after the word, like he had lost the words he was about to say.

“They hate me, don’t they?” I blurted as I took my shot and felt the alcohol burn as it went down. Duff paused before he spoke, like he was thinking of the words to say without making me feel worse then I already did.

“I wouldn’t say that they hate you.” He started slowly as I resisted the urge to throw my shot glass across the room. “But I’m not sure that they like you.” He told me as I took the shot glass he was holding out of his hand and emptied that into my mouth too before handing him the empty shot glass. “You know, one of those was supposed to be for me.”

“I think I needed both of those more then you did.” I replied watching Duff as he frowned at me before putting both shot glasses down on the tiny beside table before scooting closer to me.

“Probably.” He admitted after a moment as a smirk slowly slid across his face. “It was fun though, up until...” He trailed off, leaving us both thinking about what had happened.

“Up until the bitch ruined it.” I finished for him, he shot me a look.

“No, I wouldn’t say that.” Duff started slowly, as I gave him a glare.

“Then what would you say? She ruined it Duff, she ruined it and we both know it. She kicked down the god-damn door, walked into the house called both of us every name under the sun and moon and then slapped me across the face in front of everyone. I’m pretty sure that she ruined it.” I said hurrying along as much as I could. I could feel the tears gathering in the corner of my eyes, but why? I knew my mom didn’t like me, I knew she hated me and every chance she got she would point it out. If I knew that though, why did it hurt so much and why was I about to cry?

“I guess you would say she ruined it.” Duff admitted as I bit my lip. It was her fault that the band didn’t like me and that I came off as such a bitch. I hadn’t meant to come off as a bitch but I don’t think there was really another first impression that you could get from someone after they punched their mother in the face.

“I hate her.” I spat out after a moment, earning a stare from Duff. Those words had come out of no-where, they were word vomit and there was plenty more to follow that. “I hate her Duff, I really do. She’s fucking crazy; she treats me like I’m the shit on the bottom of her shoe.” I was shaking now, just about ready to cry and babbling complete nonsense while Duff listened to me. “She makes me hate myself. I look in the mirror everyday and I see her in me, I don’t want to be like her but I can’t help it.” Duff’s arms circled me as tears began to roll down the sides of my face.

“Shush Jess, it’s okay. You’re not like her.” He whispered to me as he gently played with blonde hair.

“Yes I am Duff.” I replied as I sniffled and wiped away a tear.

“No you’re not, you know why?” He asked me as I looked up at him.

“Why?” I asked him as a smile spread across his face.

“Because if you were like her I wouldn’t have asked you out, because to me you’re perfect and she is nowhere near perfect.” He told me as a smile spread across my face before he leaned in and kissed me gently.