Hollywood's Not America

“Like hell you are Stella.” Ali snapped, reaching over and grabbing the beer from my hands. “What part of smoke inhalation do you not understand?”

“The part where I can’t drink a beer,” I spat.

“Smoke inhalation means your lungs and throat are inflamed, genius. Alcohol will only irritate it more.” She barked, “You’re not even supposed to be out of the hospital yet. I thought Ray was picking you up later this afternoon?”

“He is, but I’m also not a child so that means I can check myself out,” I shrugged, “He actually should be at the hospital right now or even on his way here depending on how high I score on the spectrum of fucking-dead-when-he-finds-out.”

Lulu poked her head up and smiled, “There’s no way Ray would ever—”

“LYRIC EVANGELINE MANNING.” Ray’s voice bellowed through the doorway and his thick frame followed soon thereafter. His face was bright red in frustration and had this been any other day, he would have killed me right on the spot, but like everyone else he had been trying so hard since last night not to entertain any mention of what had happened.

Beyond the fact I was apparently incapable of drinking a beer. Yeah, they could manage to remember that fact.

“Could you not yell? I’ve got a bit of a headache.”

He looked at me, his chest heaving as he spoke, “How the hell did you get back here?”

“I walked. That’s what normal people do in cities, isn’t it?” I sighed, “I mean, I would’ve gone back to my apartment but apparently it’s a hazard. The firemen outside the building said that the floor in the kitchen was going to give out any minute, but I don’t think that was the fire. It’s just a shit ass apartment.”

“Stella.” He said calmly, his face cooling down a bit. A nice reminder that I didn’t always have to be the girl I was before in this bar. I could just be Stella. Everything was fucked with Lyric Manning, but Stella was a champion.

“What I really need right now is a beer and someone to turn that damn fucking Doobie Brothers song off the jukebox,” I pushed my hair back. The last thing I needed now was an interrogation, or the opportunity for one to start up.

Ray’s phone went off in his pocket and when he pulled it out he was quick to answer it, brushing us all off, “Ali, get Stella a beer. Lulu, get the song off the jukebox. I’ll be right back,” he turned to his phone, “Ray. Yeah man. No, the bar…”

As Ray walked off, Ali popped the top off a Stella and tossed it my way. “Just to be clear,” she threw a rag over her shoulder, “I am not supporting your botched recovery. I’m just doing my job.”

I laughed, “Since when do you do your job?”

“Since when do any of us do our jobs?” Lulu asked, smiling. Even Ali smirked at that, before pursing her lips and muffling whatever laughter bubbled in her stomach.

“So, can I ask you a question?” Lulu squeaked, running past me to shut off the jukebox, only to turn back around and avert my eyes.

“It depends,” I took a sip of my beer and let out a bit of a cough, “that was technically a question.”

“Okay, well can I ask another…” she paused, “two questions?”

I took another sip, “One left, I’m all yours.”

Lulu twisted her foot against the floor innocently, “Well, I was kind of wondering what happened with you and Alex after he saved your life and all.”

“Nothing happened.”

“Oh come on,” Ali piped in, “something had to have happened.”

“I’m serious,” I shrugged, “I asked the nurse when I woke up last night and she told me that he had come in with me but after Ray showed up he just left. You know just as much as I do about what happened last night.”

I leaned into the bar, my elbows resting on the bar top and fingers absentmindedly tracing circles in the condensation on the bottle. I didn’t remember much from the night before, only Alex’s heroic but totally unwarranted breaking and entering attempt in order to save my life. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed when I woke up to find myself alone in a little hospital cot—but it wasn’t worth getting worked up over. It was a glimmer of kindness in a sea of bullshit circumstances. For that, I was eternally grateful to Alex.

Thank god he had shown up when he did. I couldn’t even imagine a meeting between the two boys. The boy who smells the smoke meets the boy who lit the fire in the first place.

“Stella,” Ali snapped, “Hey, bitch you in there?”

I shook my head, “Yeah, sorry. I was just…spacing out.”

“I asked,” Lulu was now sitting next to me, hands in her lap, “if you were feeling any better?”

“Yeah, of course,” I smiled before taking another sip, “everything is working just fine.”

And just like that, a coughing fit started and I felt the burn in my throat drift down into my lungs and back up again. I covered my mouth and tried to keep the coughing at bay but it was no use, my eyes started to water and it felt like I couldn’t breathe. The whole room got hot again, or maybe it was just my skin but I swear it felt like I was back in that godforsaken apartment.

Cue a pair of strong hands grab my shoulders, one instinctively sliding down to the middle of my back and rubbing circles, “Let it all out, it’s okay.”

The coughing subsided and I couldn’t help but shake my head, “Do you have like a damsel radar or something hidden in that stupid beanie?”

“Beanies are cool.” Alex huffed from behind me, his hands still on my back, “Really though, let it out if you need to.”

I shook him off, taking a long swig of beer and clearing my throat, “I don’t need to let anything out. Everything is fine where it is, thanks,” I looked up, “You know, we have a name for people like you back in Checotah.”

“Hero?” Alex smirked.

“No,” I said, “Lassie.”

“Stella!” Lulu cried, “He saved your life, be nice!”

“Honestly though,” I took another swig and looked up at him, “What are you even doing here? I haven’t seen you since last night.”

He scratched his head, “Well, I had a few things to take care of last night after I brought you to the hospital and then Ray called me when he couldn’t find you so here I am.”

“Ah.” I nodded, getting up from the bar and walking around to the back, “Well if you excuse me there’s a game on tonight and we’ve got a lot—”

Ray grabbed the beer and apron from my hand, “No, I don’t think so. You’re not fucking working after what just happened last night. You’re going to go take a few days off and relax. I don’t want to see you anywhere near this bar for at least a week, you understand?”

My heart stopped in my chest and the bile from my stomach rose in anger, irritating the base of my throat. He had to be fucking joking. I needed a lot of things in that moment, but what I didn’t need was for him to rip away the only constant I had.

“Great idea, how about I stay with you?” I snapped, “Oh wait, your girlfriend wouldn’t like that very much. How about you Ali? Oh wait, I forgot you’re engaged. Lulu? No? Right, you’ve already got four other roommates.”

Ray tilted his head, “Stell.”

“You know what? I’ll just go home and take a nice long nap.” I threw my hands up in frustration, “Oh! I can’t do that either! It’s almost like I have nowhere to go! How weird is that?”

“Not true, actually.” Alex piped in.

“Enlighten me, beanie boy.”

Alex walked over to me, his hands in the pockets of his skinny jeans, “Well, the reason I left last night after bringing you to the hospital was because Ray and I got to talking and decided,” he shrugged, “well, that you would stay with me and my friend Rian. We’ve got a house a couple miles from here and an extra bedroom.”

I sat there, dumbfounded, “You don’t even know me, Alex.”

“And you don’t know me.”

“You’re making a terrible argument for yourself.”

He smirked, “Listen, it’s not permanent but it’s way better than crashing on an air mattress in the back room.”

Then it hit me.

“So you and Ray discussed it, and then you discussed it with Lulu and Ali. Tell me, was I ever going to be consulted, or did you just expect me to roll over and agree?” I asked.

There was silence before Ray looked over to the girls, “You told her?”

“Nope,” I snapped, “but you just did.”

“Listen Lyric, it’s not like we—”

“Fuck you.” I barked. Before Alex could respond I shoved passed him and Ray, making my way out of the bar and into the late LA afternoon. The sun was high and the humidity saturated my bare arms. It was suffocating to be in a room full of people who thought they knew what was best. I didn’t need a place to stay or to probe my brain for the effects of what had happened the night before. All I needed was that bar, those stupid drunks, and a cold beer. They were what I knew. If I left all that, then Darren had won. He had taken away my apartment, my heart, and now my job—my home. He was taking that away from me and I wasn’t going to take that sitting down, and especially from some fucking shaggy haired beanie wearing asshole with a hero complex.

No fucking way.

But then I saw it, the charred remainder of my apartment. There was still caution tape around the sidewalk, firemen and policemen traversing about the scene looking for leads and anything or anyone who could have survived the fire. It was hard to look at, I’ll admit, but there was this pang in my chest that I had felt once before. Back when I watched Checotah shrink in the rearview on my way past the town limits. That feeling of freedom and loss. One door opened and another door closed. Or slashed your tires. Or burned down.

I was going to miss that shitty apartment. Maybe more than I should.

“Lyric, I’m really sorry,” Alex’s voice piped in from behind me, shaking me out of my trance, “I know I’m imposing on you but I really think—”

I just turned around and smiled at him, “Looks like we’re going to be roommates, huh?”

His eyes grew wide, “You mean you’ll do it?”

“You regret leaving that beanie yet?” I asked.

“Nope,” He smiled, “Absolutely not.”

*****

“Okay so here’s the low down,” Alex laughed, pulling me by my wrist into his modest sized home. I didn’t even get a good look at it from the outside, considering Alex took the corner at about ninety and dragged me straight through the front double doors. “Basically it’s just Rian and I who live here, but Jack’s over here all the time and you’ll always find Zack out by the pool. Don’t worry though, you’re just as welcome here as any of them so don’t be afraid to make yourself at home.”

He gestured towards the living room, “This is the living room and it’s where we do things like live and stuff. And over here,” he yanked me across the floor, “is the kitchen which is never stocked with anything except beer and frozen pizza. I mean now that we have you living here we’ll probably have to—”

“I love pizza and beer,” I said.

His face beamed, “Well okay then! Cool, so let’s see what else is there—we’ve got three bedrooms down that hallway, the first on the left is Rian’s, mine’s that door on the end there and you’re room is the one on the right. Downstairs we’ve got the man cave and an in-home studio that you’re free and encouraged to use at any time during your stay here at Chateau Dawskarth.”

“Dawskarth?”

“Dawson and Gaskarth. Better than Gaskson.” He shrugged, “Out back we’ve got the pool, obviously, and there’s a bathroom in your bedroom as well as on the right and there’s one downstairs too. And I think that just about covers everything you need to know.”

“Okay.” I nodded, taking it in. The open floor plan made the house feel so vast but somehow the leather couches and band paraphernalia made me feel like a rock star. “Wait,” I paused, “did you say in-home studio?”

He smirked, “You haven’t figured it out yet, huh?”

“Figured what—” My voice caught in my throat, “Oh. Oh.”

“Yup, think about it.” He laughed.

“Gaskarth. Dawson. And let me guess, Barakat and Merrick.” I kicked myself for not realizing it sooner, “All Time Low. I saw you at Warped back in ’07. Wow, I am just kicking myself right now.”

“It’s okay, I don’t usually play the whole ‘we’re in a band’ thing but I happened to see that poster from Warped in your bedroom last night and I couldn’t help but assume you knew who we were,” He smiled, “you’re clearly not that big of a fan though, huh?”

“No, no, it’s not that,” I murmured, taking a few more steps throughout the house, running my hands over the countertop and looking out the bay window to the backyard where lo and behold, Zack was working out, “I uh, wow, sorry, what was I saying?”

“Why you don’t like our band,” He smirked.

“Oh right, no it’s not that I don’t like your band I’ve just never really checked out much of your stuff,” My eyes caught a framed Blink 182 signed poster on the wall by the stairs, “Darren was always more into Blink and Green Day.”

There was a strange silence between the two of us, a bit uncomfortable and I couldn’t figure out why until I realized this was probably the first time Alex had even heard me mention Darren by name, let alone mention him specifically in a conversation. I watched as his hand instinctively scratched his neck below his beanie, “Yeah, we’re pretty big fans of Blink and Green Day too,” He nodded, clearly unsure what to do next.

“They’re pretty great,” I laughed, “I had a poster of Blink in my room back in Checotah and Ma hated it. She thought it was devil music and banned me from ever seeing them live.”

“Well, bright side is you’ve got your own room to decorate now,” He gently took my hand this time and led me down the hallway and slowly twisted the doorknob to enter a huge bedroom with a Queen sized bed. The walls were a plain white and the bedding was a Navy blue to complement the black bedframe and dresser. It definitely wasn’t much, but it was—

“All yours.” Alex smiled, “I know it’s not a lot but you can decorate it anyway you want. I asked Ray if there was anything specific that you needed but he said you weren’t too picky. So I figured I would just leave it minimal and let you run wild with it.”

“But only temporarily, right?” I asked, reassuring myself.

“This room is yours for as long as you want it,” Alex nodded, “we’ve got your back. Also, Ali and Lulu took the liberty of filling up your closet with clothes, so I apologize if you’re stuck wearing pink pumps and 50’s housewife dresses.”

“I’ll only be here for a little,” I said, “Just until I can get back on my feet.”

I could feel his eyes lingering on my face as I traced the room over and over again with my eyes. It was simple, and it was clear Alex had no idea how to make a bed, but then again neither did I and somehow in the few moments I stood in the doorway I felt more at home than I ever had in any house or apartment. It was too good to be true, absolutely too good to be true.

“I’ll let you get cleaned up and everything,” He put his hand on my back, “The guys will all be here in a little bit to celebrate the addition to the family, so wear something fun. I hope you’re good at beer pong because Jack is a shit ass partner and Craigslist isn’t helping me in my search it’s just getting me stalked so…”

“Alex?” I managed to choke out.

“Yeah Lyric?” He looked down at me and smiled the most genuine smile I’ve ever seen in my life. The kind that was contagious and I could feel the corners of my mouth beginning to curl upwards.

“I, uh, I’m no good at this sort of thing,” I shrugged out of his touch and took a few steps away, “but I, uh, really appreciate what you’ve done for me. I know I was a total asshole earlier today but all things considered I could’ve been a lot worse and wow this isn’t going where I wanted it to go, shit—”

“Lyric.” He tilted his head, his eyes getting softer as he continued, “If you ever need to talk about any of that stuff—”

“No, don’t.” My backbone finally straightened, “Don’t even say it. Just because you literally pulled me out of a burning building does not mean I’m a damsel or that I can’t take care of this myself.”

He stepped towards me, “No, Lyric I know that what I meant was—”

“But,” I interrupted, “if I ever do need someone I know who to turn to.”

Alex just looked at me for a moment, his eyes locked on mine until he let out a laugh that shook the room. The kind of laugh that made you double over with your arms crossed, wiping the tears from your eyes as they formed, “You know what Lyric,” he wiped away a tear, “you are something fucking else, aren’t you?”

I shrugged playfully before pushing him out of the room, “Down Lassie, before you hurt yourself.”

I slammed the door behind him and listened to him whine and scratch at the door. This kid was like no one I had ever met before and I couldn’t quite figure out if that was a good thing or a bad thing. But with my back pressed against the door and the sound of Alex’s footsteps heading back down the hallway, I couldn’t help but let out the breath I felt like I had been holding since the night before. Darren didn’t know Alex; he didn’t know this house and that meant he couldn’t find me. No late night break ins and broken televisions. No more getting strung along and shoved into walls. No more wrapped up bloody knuckles. No more sleeping on the floor. No more living in constant fear of next time and maybe he will, maybe he won’t.

Somehow I had just got a second chance in a city that was built on crushed dreams and the hopeless.

I let a smile finally crawl across my lips and whispered to myself, “Thank you, Alex.”