Hey Jack.

“Hey Jack,” Alex says as he sits down on the floor and crosses his legs, “are you doing alright? You are? Good; that’s always nice to hear.”

Alex bites his lip and sighs a little, setting down a bouquet of tulips in front of him.

“I got these for you; I thought you’d like them. They’re blue; you know, your favourite color? I saw them and thought of you.”

“Oh my God, Alex, it’s perfect! Thank you!” Jack exclaimed as he threw himself at the elder boy. Alex laughed and hugged him tightly.

“It’s from Rian and Zack too, remember. Not just me.”

“Doesn’t matter. You’re here now, they’re not. You get the credit.” Jack laughed, as Alex slid an arm around his waist. Alex laughed again and Jack rested his head on Alex’s shoulder.

“Best birthday present ever.” Jack commented, eyes falling back to the blue Stratocaster opposite them.

“Rian said he was gonna come visit you, and Zack even offered to come with me today. I said no; I think he’ll come with Rian instead. They miss hanging out with you, you know; they might not come see you as much as I do, but they do. I can tell.”

“You haven’t missed much at school, by the way. Everyone skirts around me, Ri and Zee; even the teachers. We sit on our own at lunch now, too; I don’t think Lisa and Kara are ready to face it yet. It’s too quiet when you’re not around.”

Alex, Rian and Zack all stumbled into homeroom together and immediately felt all eyes on them as they took their seats.

“Boys, what are you doing here today?” Their teacher asked in surprise.

“It’s Monday.” Zack replied flatly, and their teacher looked taken aback.

“But I thought-” She started.

“Please don’t say it.” Alex sighed quietly, and she bit her lip and stopped talking.

Alex ruffles his hair, blinks back tears he knew would come all along. It’s only been a few weeks. It’s understandable.

“I miss you, you know,” He chokes out, “I think everyone does.”

“It’s just... Unbearable. I guess that’s the best word. Difficult isn’t strong enough. I just miss you, is all. I can’t do it. I can’t cope. I’m not strong, like you are.”

“It’s just so strange, so horrible, to turn around and you not be there. Strange to walk into Science class and have that empty seat next to me. I don’t like it. No-one does.”

“And it’s strange, that I hate myself more now that you’ve gone,” Alex mumbles, tears starting to stream down his cheeks, “because I never told you, did I? I thought I had all the time in the world. Then this happened, and then you’re gone, and I’ve got no time at all.”

Alex knew something was wrong when he got a text from May. ‘Come over please. Bring Rian and Zack. May x’

So he had, and he’d knocked on the door and May had answered, tears streaming down her face. She took hold of his wrists and pulled him into the sitting room. Rian and Zack followed, exchanging a quick look of panic upon seeing May’s tears.

“Jack... Jack was in a car accident.” She said, and Alex’s heart stopped. “He’s in a critical condition. They don’t... They don’t think he’ll last the night.”

May bit her lip and tried to force back tears, but as Alex broke down in front of her, she gave up and cried with him.

Alex picks at the grass near his feet, not even bothering to wipe away the tears that just keep on tumbling down his cheeks.

“So I’ll say this now, even though you can’t hear me,” Alex continues, pausing to bite back a sob, “I love you, okay? And I’m sorry that I never got to tell you. And trust me, if I could put myself in your place on that day, I would. I’d give anything, anything for you to be back here. No one else seems to understand that.”

“And I know that wherever you are, you’re watching us and thinking ‘why are they all crying? Why are they still wearing black? I didn’t tell them to do that.’ It’s because, well, we’re not ready for a world that doesn’t have you in it. And I know, now you’re probably thinking ‘don’t you dare, I don’t want to see you again for a very long time,’ and I won’t. For your sake.”

“And if you were here, you’d be laughing at us for still crying over this, but we’re not done yet, we won’t be done for a long time. And I’m sorry you’re going to have to sit around and watch it.”

Alex reluctantly pulls himself to his feet moving the tulips a little and sighing heavily. He wipes forcefully at his tears and looks up at the sky. It’s starting to rain.

He looks back to the floor and his eyes fall on the black gravestone. He swallows, brings himself to read the text another torturous time, even though he knows what it says.

Jack Barakat – June 18 1988 – May 27 2006
Son; brother; best friend.
Sorely missed by all who knew him.

Alex bites his lip, forces his eyes skyward and sighs, the tears quickly returning as he turns to leave.

“Happy eighteenth. I love you.”

As he leaves, he passes an old woman, who regards him with a soft, saddened expression and she thinks to herself; He shouldn’t be here, he’s still in high school. Much too young to loose someone.

The rain starts to come heavier by the time Alex reaches his car. He throws himself inside and folds his arms on the steering wheel, burying his face and sobbing.

“The guidance counsellor told me this would help. Told me this would be like closure. Who was I kidding?”

Alex lifts his head reluctantly, starts the car and bites his lip. He’s tempted to plough the damn thing into the nearest building.

But he doesn’t.

Because he’s right; Jack doesn’t want to see him for a very long time.