If . . .
my words are my faith.
If you’ve ever been too skinny, not thin enough. If you’ve ever been too fat, too tall, too short, you never had a good hair day. If you’ve been cheated on or ignored or dumped or never gotten to kiss the one you wanted to kiss. If you ever made a fort out of bed sheets and chairs and watched movies about people just like you because there was no one to hang out with on a Friday night. If you ever talk to your stuffed animals. If you ever pretend you’re someone else so you can pretend it’s not happening to you. If you ever talk to yourself. If you ever wished you were a bird or that you could fly or that you could disappear into the earth.
If you ever read a book and thought no one ever felt the way you’d felt about it at that moment. If you ever heard a song and knew it was meant just for you. If you ever wished on a shooting star or 11:11 even if you don’t believe in it. If you ever pretend someone cares. If you ever pretend they’re just on vacation or at work. If you ever lied about your name. If you ever pretended to be someone else and everyone liked that person better. If you ever snuck out of the house just to walk around by yourself. If you never knew where the parties were.
If you ever reread the books from your childhood and cried. If you ever watched a Disney movie and cried. If you ever jumped up and down on your bed and sang into a hairbrush. If you ever stared at yourself in the mirror to see what you look like when you cry. If you ever thought about ending it. If you ever thought about running away. If you ever ran away. If you ever don’t call because you don’t want the dream to end. If you ever made up a world. If you ever fell in love with a book or a movie or a song because you knew it could never dump you or cheat on you or not call. If you ever cried after an orgasm.
If you cling to remnants of a happy childhood that never existed. If you refuse to acknowledge you’re an adult even though you are. If you still call yourself a kid. If you go out and forget to brush your hair. If you wish someone would look at you when you’re not wearing skintight jeans and a low-cut shirt. If you ever wished you’d find a note inside a library book. If you ever pretended someone liked you when no one did. If you ever wrote yourself love letters. If you ever took a teddy bear to school. If you ever self-medicated. If you look forward to therapy sessions.
If you ever wished you were a girl, a boy, a homosexual, a heterosexual, a drag queen, a transsexual, a model, a freak, a musician, a groupie, a slut, a virgin. If you ever pretended you were something you weren’t for no reason. If you listen to your headphones to forget the fact that you’re alone and no one’s going to talk to you. If you ever heard your name in the hallway and didn’t turn around because you knew they weren’t talking to you. If you ever went to the movies with your parents more than your friends. If you ever told a lie so many times you believed it.
If you edit your pictures because you’re scared of your own reflection. If you think ugly things are pretty. If you think pretty things are ugly. If you ever loved the band because nobody loves you. If you ever had a religious experience at a concert instead of at church. If you ever forgot how alone you are. If you ever found out for a split second there are people like you out there. If you ever fell in love.
We are not alone.
If you ever read a book and thought no one ever felt the way you’d felt about it at that moment. If you ever heard a song and knew it was meant just for you. If you ever wished on a shooting star or 11:11 even if you don’t believe in it. If you ever pretend someone cares. If you ever pretend they’re just on vacation or at work. If you ever lied about your name. If you ever pretended to be someone else and everyone liked that person better. If you ever snuck out of the house just to walk around by yourself. If you never knew where the parties were.
If you ever reread the books from your childhood and cried. If you ever watched a Disney movie and cried. If you ever jumped up and down on your bed and sang into a hairbrush. If you ever stared at yourself in the mirror to see what you look like when you cry. If you ever thought about ending it. If you ever thought about running away. If you ever ran away. If you ever don’t call because you don’t want the dream to end. If you ever made up a world. If you ever fell in love with a book or a movie or a song because you knew it could never dump you or cheat on you or not call. If you ever cried after an orgasm.
If you cling to remnants of a happy childhood that never existed. If you refuse to acknowledge you’re an adult even though you are. If you still call yourself a kid. If you go out and forget to brush your hair. If you wish someone would look at you when you’re not wearing skintight jeans and a low-cut shirt. If you ever wished you’d find a note inside a library book. If you ever pretended someone liked you when no one did. If you ever wrote yourself love letters. If you ever took a teddy bear to school. If you ever self-medicated. If you look forward to therapy sessions.
If you ever wished you were a girl, a boy, a homosexual, a heterosexual, a drag queen, a transsexual, a model, a freak, a musician, a groupie, a slut, a virgin. If you ever pretended you were something you weren’t for no reason. If you listen to your headphones to forget the fact that you’re alone and no one’s going to talk to you. If you ever heard your name in the hallway and didn’t turn around because you knew they weren’t talking to you. If you ever went to the movies with your parents more than your friends. If you ever told a lie so many times you believed it.
If you edit your pictures because you’re scared of your own reflection. If you think ugly things are pretty. If you think pretty things are ugly. If you ever loved the band because nobody loves you. If you ever had a religious experience at a concert instead of at church. If you ever forgot how alone you are. If you ever found out for a split second there are people like you out there. If you ever fell in love.
We are not alone.