Gaskarth

I can't even believe this right now...

"The Maria Miller? The one that..." Alex paused as he pushed his bangs out of his eyes and stared into mine. I nodded and swallowed hard.

"Your my sperm donor..." I whispered in shock as he continued to stare.

"Um...Yeah. This is really fucking weird." He laughed slightly and looked down at his sandwich and his large drink he ordered.

This is so awkward.

"I uh...Like your um...Your..." He paused and then looked down at my stomach and gulped. I blushed and rolled my eyes. I was thin...And I just got the procedure done yesterday...

"Your top." He mumbled and looked away as I sighed.
"My top is white...Tell me what you were really looking at." I said, obviously annoyed.

"Nothing." He shook his head and avoided eye contact with me as I groaned and stood up from the table. I held my tea in my hand and sipped on it as he stared up at me with his chocolate brown eyes.

"Alex Gaskarth?" I said as he nodded and relaxed back in the booth.

"That's me." He winked as I shook my head and stared off at the door that I came in to order at.

"I've been through enough shit in my life. Being involved with you is just going to make it worse. I've heard bad things about you...And I don't really want to get involved with a guy like you. Although I have your...kid. Inside of me." I gulped as he looked up at me in shock as his smile dropped.

"Oh, come on. Give me a chance." He said, giving me a pathetic look as I rolled my eyes and walked out of Panera Bread and walked off to my small black Jetta. I opened my car door as Alex came out of Panera Bread, completely breathless.

"Maria!" He called out as I looked over at him as my black bangs hung over my right eye.

"What?" I sighed as he came over to me and stared me in the eyes.

"You forgot your purse..." He half smiled and handed me my green shoulder bag. I tried to get in the car, but then Alex kept on looking at me in my eyes and I accidentally dropped my purse.

A whole bunch of my personal stuff came out of my bag. Like my pictures of my sister and her when she was bald in her hospital bed. She has a blonde wig on now at the moment. She decided to walk home instead of me driving her...I remember her telling me that she wants to see the outdoors as much as possible...Considering that she probably won't be able to do all that adventurous shit when she is older...Because she might be dead by then...

That lump started to ease it's way up my throat as Alex picked up the picture of me and my sister on Christmas when I was sixteen and still in high school. I had a Santa Clause hat on and Becca was in bed with her dark brown hair all ratty and starting to fall out.

"You look pretty young here..." I heard him whisper as I nodded and tears filled my eyes.
"My sister was ten there." I spoke softly as Alex nodded and swallowed hard.
"She uh...Doesn't look too good." He chuckled and looked up at me and froze when he saw the tears streaming down my cheeks.

I picked up the rest of my stuff off the ground and put it back in my purse. I snatched the picture away from him and put it in my skinny jean pocket. I swallowed hard and wiped the tears away from my cheeks quickly.

"Bye." I managed to say as I got in my car and slammed the door behind me. Alex tapped on the window and tried to open the door, but I already locked it.

"Come on, Maria! Open up! I wanna talk to you!" He exclaimed as I shook my head and laid my forehead on the steering wheel.

"You don't know anything about me." I sobbed as everything turned silent and Alex stared at me from outside my car.

"I would like to know more about you! Come on, Maria." He said as I shook my head and started up my car as Alex knocked more on the window.

"Maria, I just want your number!" I heard him yell as I drove out of the parking lot and headed for home...

~

"Where is dad?" Becca spoke softly as she tied her baby blue bandanna around her pale bald head.

I gulped and picked around my food and closed my eyes. I really didn't want to eat...And sit with these people who forced me to do something that I didn't want to do.

I just want my sister to live. She's basically all I have...

I continued to pick around my baked potato and steak as Becca took a sip of her milk.

"Becca, here's your pills. Make sure to take them after you eat." My mom told her, just like she always does...Every day.

I sat there in silence.

"Mom, where is dad?" Becca asked again, starting to panic by the way in her worried voice.

"He's coming home, Becca. Take your pills." My mom said sternly as Becca looked at me out of the corner of her eye and took her two big white pills and forced them down with milk.

Mom sat down at the table with her plate and my dad's plate. My mom sighed and looked back and fourth at me and Becca.

"You two are awfully quiet. Is there something going on that I should know about?" My mom asked as I exchanged looks with Becca and shook my head.

"No, mom." Becca said in a irritated voice.

"Okay then. Dr. Spears called today, Maria..." Mom said quietly as my head shot up and I looked at her with curiosity.

"Oh, yeah? What did he say?" I asked.

"That everything is going to run smoothly. He hopes that this turns out alright for us." She half smiled as I gulped and nodded.

"What turns out smoothly? What's going on?" Becca asked, looking over at me and then back at mom.

"Becca, we need to tell you something and-." Mom was cut off when we heard a loud bang.

"I'm home!" We heard our dad yell as he smiled and came into the kitchen with his brief case. He sat it down near the kitchen doorway and sat down by my mom.

He loosened his tie and slipped it off as he pulled up his sleeves.

Everything grew silent as my mom stared at him with a half smile on her face and I stared down at my food...With nothing to say at all.

My mom put her dirty blonde hair behind her ear as my dad pecked her on the lips and poured himself a glass of Pepsi.

"So...How was school?" My dad smiled over at Becca as she shrugged and sighed.
"I had to catch up on alot of work...Like I always do. Since I'm sick." She replied.

The word stung like a thousand knives stabbing me in the chest. I hate seeing her this way...She doesn't have many friends at school because she misses alot. But she has to...She is sick...

"I'm glad you're getting everything done though, Princess. We're very proud of you." My dad smiled at her as she nodded and stared down at her plate of food.

Why is he so damn happy?

"Maria?" I heard my dad say as I stared up from my plate of food and glared at him. He is the one who made me do this in the first place...Him and my mom. Becca didn't want me to. That is why I was dreading to tell her what I did. "Is there anything you would like to say?" He smirked and chewed his food slowly as I looked at my mom and then at Becca who half smiled and gave me a curious look.

"Becca..." I paused as she continued to stare at me with her watery light brown eyes.
"Yes?"
"I have something to say...But I did this only to help you." I sighed and closed my eyes.

I felt the whole room start to close in on me. I couldn't tell her. I just couldn't do this! She's going to hate me...She knew that I wanted to go to college and live my life, but I had to stay here and help my mom out with her...I'm not complaining...Trust me.

"I got an IUI." I spoke softly and met eyes with her as hers grew wide.

"You what? Why? When? How long ago? Maria, no! You're only eighteen!" She yelled at the top of her lungs and stood up from the table as I rubbed my temples and my parents stared at her and me in shock.

"Becca, sit down and let's talk about this." My dad said in a low voice as I heard Becca's sobs. I sighed and looked up at her.

"Why does everyone feel sorry for me?! It's not my fault I have cancer! Damn it! Fuck the whole world! Fuck you, Maria! Fuck you for listening to these two dumbasses! And I know why you stay late at the office, dad!" Becca screamed and ran out of the kitchen as we all heard her go upstairs.

"That went well..." My mom said sarcastically and rolled her green eyes.

"Well, I hope you two are happy. Because I certainly am not." I whispered as my dad shook his head and stared at me.

"And what did she mean by she knew why you stayed late down at the office?" My mom asked him as he stared down at his steak and shrugged.

"I'm not sure what she meant by that, Honey." He said, itching the back of his neck as I swallowed hard and took a sip of my water.

"We're just going to let her cool off...And then later we can all talk to her calmly." My mom said as I shook my head.

"Mom, what do you think this is? Huh? Do you think this is nothing? Do you understand what I am doing? I am pregnant at the moment with some random guy's kid that I don't even know! And...I am bringing a live human being into the world just so we can use he or she for a kidney for Becca who doesn't give a shit about her life! She could care less if she lived or died!" I exclaimed as my mom and dad stared at me in complete shock.

"It's true...She told me. If I was in her condition right now I would want to fucking die already too." I said as my dad stood up from the table and walked out of the kitchen and to the living room as my mom sat there and gave me the most evil look I have ever seen her give me before.

She stood up from the kitchen table and took her plate to the kitchen sink. She grabbed mine from me as I stood up and handed it off to her as she stood there and continued to make eye contact with me.

Then she slapped me hard across the face, making my cheek burn. I gasped and held my cheek with my right, shaky, cold, hand.

"Now go to your room." She said through clenched teeth as I walked out of the kitchen with tears in my eyes and I walked up the stairs slowly.

I went to my room and slammed the door behind me. I leaned up against the door and slid down it and brought my knees up to my chest as I laid my forehead on my knees.

This was all for nothing.