Please Don't Stop the Music

Point Of View: Bianca Renee Hewitt

I made mom angry last night. She had been out late, and I was wide awake. My dad had…well…I’m not going to get into that. Lets just say I was way too freaked to stay in my room much longer. The thought of him coming in there again…ugh. So anyway. I made my mom mad because she walked into the living room to find me curled on the couch, the remote grasped tightly in my hands. I should tell you now that she was drunk. When she’s drunk, she’s twice as mean as usual. She scares me sometimes. Well… all the time really. Especially when she’s mad enough to smack me around.

She did that last night. Smacked my face and told me to go to bed. See…the worst, and best part, I guess, about my room is the fact that I sleep in the attic. It was made into a room a long time ago- when I was ten or so. My old room is an office, and I’d always wanted a bigger one. The worst part about this is, its as far away from the other rooms as possible. Makes it easier to get away with things.

Well, my mom sent me back up to my room. I guess I was lucky that night, cause my dad was passed out in their bed- one too many sips of Tequila, I’m guessing. He does that sometimes, mostly when his friends come over to play poker, which they did. I wanted Rain to come over- spend the night…so that I might be left alone, but, of course she couldn’t. I hate when this happens. I have nightmares about it everytime I close my eyes. I can never seem to get any peace. Well, I guess I do at school. Which is why I keep going in the first place. That and my best friend is there.

I met Rain in kindergarten. That seems forever ago. I think the main reason why we became friends was because we were both shy. Rain was still the bravest of the two of us- she really stuck up for me. By this time, the things at home had already started, so I was unnaturally quiet and well behaved. I didn’t act out, I just sat there and would sometimes whisper and giggle with my friend, but that was about it. We were inseparable, and that friendship has lasted, all the way through to high school. I need it. If I want to be honest with myself, Rain keeps me sane- and from doing stupid things like cutting. Music is a big part of that too.

My keyboard- which I got for my ninth birthday, from one of my mom’s many male friends- has made my life better. Me and Rain used to goof off on it after school, just to see if we could make any cool sounds. I remember the first time I had her stay over. We didn’t stay in my room. And it was the first time my dad had left me alone in a long time. I could be normal- but the next night was worse. Anyway.

So…I met Landon in kindergarten too. He was pretty sweet back then. He definitely wasn’t shy though. Just as loud and obnoxious as now, but he wasn’t cocky or self-absorbed. He was…nice. Stuck up for kids like me. But I guess, even then, that Rain and him hated each other. They just rubbed each other the wrong way. And I’ve always been the referee between them, helping to keep the peace and calm. I don’t really mind. They’re both my friends as far as I’m concerned.

What can I say about Jonathan Bishop? Well, he’s new, and like me, very shy and quiet. He sits in class, all by himself. He barely acknowledges anybody. But I know a few girls who already crush on him. They say things like he’s hot and cute, and that his ‘silent brooding is such a turn on’. That makes me laugh out right. Then I get weird looks and whispers, but I just smile at the girls and they roll their eyes. People at View Point high can be a little weird sometimes.

All I really know about Jon is that Landon is his cousin, and he lives down the street from Rain. I kinda think she likes him- but I’ve never asked. That’s none of my business. Even though she’s my best friend, I don’t press for stuff like that. If she wants to tell me, great, but I’m not going to force someone to talk about something that they don’t want to. I have my fair share of secrets after all.

Sometimes, I lay awake at night and wonder what it’d be like to be someone else. To have parents that actually care what I think, rather than ones who don’t like to hear me speak. I get lost in music, because it’s the only thing that keeps me sane. That and talking to Rain. I tell her almost everything. Almost. She knows there’s something off about my parents. But the most she knows is that my mom drinks a lot and isn’t faithful to my dad. I’m not sure when those problems started.

Dad gambles a lot. Mom and him are constantly fighting about money. He winds up losing it all on Blackjack, and then we only have a little to get through the month of bills. That’s when mom goes missing for days, subjecting me to my father all day (because he doesn’t have a job). Those are the days when I usually try to be gone every night, crash at people’s houses. That’s kind of hard to do though, considering Rain is the only friend I have. Well, the only girl.

Anyway.

I guess I first started falling for Landon Michaels in the seventh grade. That was when he first started making the real change from silly, lanky boy to attractive pre-teen. I used to stare at him sometimes, completely space out. And Rain would dig her elbow into my side and ask me what I was staring at. She knew, of course, and the disgust was there. But I didn’t care. As far as I was concerned, Landon was a pretty interesting guy. And I thought he was hot.

Middle School was also the first time he started being really, really cocky. He got self-absorbed and really rude with everyone. But even then, he managed to be nice to me, which made me feel good. It makes me blush when he calls me pretty- because I’m not, no really. I’m ugly. Or so my dad says. But- I won’t get into the kinds of things like that. It’ll just depress me.

Junior year of High School. Just this year and next, and then I’m home free. Then I can get away from both of my parents and go to college- get as far away from View Point as I can manage. Maybe get a job and my own place, and then Rain can come and move in with me so that Tia can’t bother her anymore. And we’ll be fine, just fine. Just me and her, and maybe a dog. No more scary nights filled with things I don’t like to talk about. And no more strange men in the kitchen with my giggling mother. Life will get better. I just know it. It has to.