Save Me From My Nightmare

The clap of skin to skin contact echoed through the otherwise silent apartment. Heavy breathing melding between us, as a metallic swoosh gushed through the air and a knife pressed against my collar bone. I gulped, feeling the icy cool of the blade against my skin as my throat produced a lump that slid down beneath my flesh. My hands shook as they gripped the counter top behind me, clinging for dear life as he took another step forwards with his eyes locked on the side of my face. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Pain sliced through my skin as a single droplet of blood jumped from the wound, plummeting to the lino beneath my bare feet and splashing against the pale flooring.

I watched it like a person with arachnophobia who’d just caught a glimpse of a spider. Each new breath brought another wave of agony from my collar bone, but I ignored it. Pain meant weakness and weakness meant death and death meant… never seeing him again. Iain’s breath beat against my cheek, causing a shudder of disgust to ripple down my spine as if worms were wriggling beneath my skin. He watched me with a sickly smirk, enjoying every moment of trying to make me snap. The first night this happened, I did and suffered for it.

‘Alright you ugly whore,’ he spat, splatters of saliva hitting my face and causing me to flinch. The insults merely bounced off me nowadays. A spine shuddering two years of them kind of did that to you. I barely noticed the venomous words that tumbled from his lips after another bottle of alcohol; they merely got deflected from my newly formed shell. ‘When we get back to Huntington, you pretend like we’re the happiest couple in the world. Because that’s what we are, isn’t it? We’re model husband and wife to be. You see this, this means you’re mine and I can do what the fuck I want to you for the rest of our lives, no matter how many times you protest or try to divorce me.’

The silver engagement ring was shoved into my face, jeering and taunting me as it glimmered in the ugly lighting of the kitchen. The diamond shone in the illumination, smiling at me as I took a fearful glance before turning away once more. Iain threw my hand into my face, causing the rock to scrape against my flesh before dropping to my side. His slimy lips pressed against my cheek, a hard hand slapping my butt before he disappeared into the bathroom to throw his guts up once more. As soon as I heard his strangled moans echoed from the ceramic rim of the toilet, I tangled my fingers into my hair and slid down to the floor. How did this happen to me?

My back ached from the beatings, my chest starting to become covered in scarlet rivers of dried blood from the slice on my collar bone. The bloody knife lay temptingly by my side, calling out to me like a siren’s seductive call. Sure, I wanted to end all of this, to just throw everything away. But that would be admitting defeat. That would be allowing him to know he’d finally won and beaten me down to submission. I kicked the knife away from me, watching it skid over the spotless white flooring and under the huge refrigerator. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the kitchen cupboard.

‘Go take a shower you filthy slut. Can’t have you showing me up when we arrive back in California tomorrow morning, can we?’ Iain was stood in the doorway of the kitchen, wiping his chin with the side of his hand as I slowly stood up on aching legs. Brushing passed him; I felt the barrel of a gun press against my hip bone. I shivered. Finally within the confines of the en-suite bathroom away from him, I locked the door and started the shower. My clothes dropped to the floor with a soft brushing motion and the water cascaded against the porcelain flooring like a waterfall.

Water stung my eyes and wounds, burning my flesh like fire ants stinging me all over my body. Bruises decorated my whole body – all different shapes and sizes as they covered most of my skin. Fingerprints showed the ghosts of beatings past, the shape of a hand growing on my left cheek where I was slapped earlier. Bubbles floated over my pale complexion, dancing their way down to my toes before vanishing into the drain never to be seen again. Not a tear escaped my eyes, not ever when the lather from the shampoo dribbled down and collected in my eyelashes. Once done in the shower, I wrapped a towel around my frame and tucked it tight at the breast, holding to the material as hard as I could whilst padding my way to our shared bedroom where Iain was passed out on the bed.

Seeing he was out stone cold, I kicked him off the bed and watched as his body plummeted to the carpeted flooring at my feet. A blunt thud echoed through the room, the sound of him snoring as he shifted over on the floor again causing me to jump back until he fell asleep again. The night dress I was forced to wear each night slid over my body as my damp hair slapped against my bare and beaten back, clapping the flesh like a whip. The bed sheets were heavy, squashing me like the banana at the very bottom of the fruit bowl as I wriggled around trying to get comfortable under the crisp duvet covers fresh on this morning.

The alarm clock in front of me read that it was already two in the morning, causing me to moan as I buried my head into the pillow. I had to be up again in four hours to get ready for the flight to California. And I was sure as hell it wouldn’t be the prettiest of wake up calls. Snoring sounded by my side again, but I ignored it once more, pulling the bed sheets over my head and trying to shut my eyes. But, as they slowly began to flutter closed, the memory of when I left played over and over in my mind. The kiss I shared with Zacky lingered on my lips, so close I could taste it on my tongue. A ghost of his hands cupping my cheeks caused me to whimper.

Why did I not believe him?