Tumbling

She was beautiful as she walked down the isle. Her big, Cinderella type wedding dress fit her frame perfectly, showing off her curves in all the right places. Her hair was done in an elegant updo and her eyes shown with such passion and love when she looked at you. You, on the other hand, were dressed in a black suit and a white undershirt. With your smile wide, you stepped forward to offer her a hand as she stepped up under the canopy with the rest of us.

It was hard for me not to break down in tears right then, seeing you so happy and me so miserable. I had always been your right hand man, your best friend, your drinking buddy, your ‘I really need to talk because I feel like I’m dying inside’ friend and so here I stood, next to you, the man I was in love with as I watched you take the love of your life’s hand in marriage and all I could do was stand next to you and watch as she took you away from me, forever.

As the priest started up my mind went back to the first day we met. We were nine. The first day of third grade in Mrs. McClear’s class. You sat in the seat next to mine, your last name being Laroque and mine being Long, we were destined to be paired up for the whole year.

“Hi! I’m Kale!” You said to me before waving vigorously. Your smile stretched across nearly your whole face. You had always been cute, with olive skin tone and your soft, choppy brown hair. At the time, I didn’t know I was gay and always assumed that every boy had thoughts about how cute other guys were. Your bright green eyes shone as you waited for me to tell you my own name.

“H-hi I’m Aaron.” I stuttered out softly. I’ve always been shy and you’ve always been outgoing. Its probably one of the many reasons why we’ve always been best friends, we’re complete and total opposites. We balanced each other out, like hot and cold or up and down. As that year progressed, we grew fonder of each other. We’d have sleepovers; us being only nine and ten, it never really mattered because we were just young lads. We’d play with our dinosaurs and we’d go to the local pool together. You taught me how to ride a bike and I helped you study your multiplication table. We were best friends and nothing was going to split us up.

I smiled softly at the memory of us as only young children as I watched you turn to face more towards her although the priest was still talking. You had always been one to not listen to what other people say, even when it was most important. You were always like that in high school. Suddenly, my thoughts soar back in time to the first day of our freshman year and those to follow.

The years began to fly and soon enough we were entering high school together. We had matured by a lot over the six years since the day we met. You’d grown nearly six inches taller than my small five foot six frame. Your hair had grown out so that it was one shaggy mess, but that was the style. Everyone had a shaggy head of hair. You were Mr. popular, you had been since seventh grade when you won the championship lacrosse game. I, of course, wasn’t the most known and well liked person in our school. I was a class A nerd, thick rimmed glasses and a small, girlish frame made me the most popular choice of being bullied in our school.

“Don’t worry, Aaron. I’ve got your back.” You had leaned down to say into my ear before we had gotten out of your moms car to make our way into the school. As we walked into the large building, our new high school, people were constantly greeting you. Football players, cheerleaders, soccer stars, band kids. Somehow you managed to turn your focus on me even though the rest of the student body wanted your attention.

“Stay outta trouble, you’ll do fine. Trust me.” You ruffled my hair a bit, just as an older brother would do.

“Thanks Ale, I’ve got to get to class. I’ll see you at lunch?” We did our intricate handshake that we’ve been doing since sixth grade before parting to go our separate ways. Growing older never separated us, nothing could separate us. Sure, you had tons of friends where as I only had a select handful, but we were always each other’s main men. Always.

In sophomore year things started getting bad for me. I had finally lost my baby fat and decided that I wanted to dress the way I wanted too. I’d go to school clad in tight skinny jeans with the necessary band shirt. I was happy with myself, but others were not. The football team would tease me, call me faggot and push me around. Somehow you always seemed to find me at the exact right time before they would start getting serious. I knew I was gay at that point. I kind of always had a feeling that I would be. It really hit me when I was in gym around the senior boys. I couldn’t help my eyes from wandering and that when I knew, but I hadn’t told you. I was too scared of what you’d think.

All I could think about when I was around you was you and I. I wanted so desperately to be with you, kiss you, be in your arms and dance with you under the stars until the sun rose, but I knew that could never be.

In the middle of sophomore year, you started to focus more on girls than anything else. Sure, you had had your few girlfriends in middle school, but now, these girls started getting serious. They’d last months at a time, but you never once put me on the back burner. If a girl requested that you had to choose her or I, you always ended up picking me. You’d always say to me, “Aaron, you’ve been with me since the start and I’m not about to let you go now, you’re probably the most important person in my life.” I could feel my heart hammer into my ribcage as these words met my ear and although they were meant to mean we were just friends, I couldn’t help but to wish and imagine what they would sound like if we were so much more than that.

I blinked my eyes a few times to try to get my eyes to focus back on the wedding. You now stood next to her, your arm wrapped securely around her waist. On the other side of her I saw a man, probably in the place of her ‘maid of honor’, he was cute. He had a nice formed haircut and was around your height. I knew he was gay, I could see it in his eyes as they trailed down my body, I was flattered of course, but somehow this made me think back to the day you found out about me. The day I came out to only one person.

We were at the beach on a summer afternoon. It was right before senior year and you and I were trying to tan to ‘pick up the ladies’ as you would say. We sat next to each other, you were waxing your surfboard and I was just relaxing and soaking up the sun. You had been going on about your recent love interest; she of course was the same as always. Perfect, as you had said.

“Hey Air?” You suddenly stopped talking about the current love interest to look at me. Your body was coated with a layer of sweat which glistened under the sun. I gulped, trying my hardest not to let you notice that I was clearly checking you out.

“Hmm?” I responded.

“How come you’ve never dated? I know a ton of girls who like you.” Oh shit, I thought to myself as I tried to think of a good response.

“No interest I guess.” Yeah, that’ll work.

“What about Meghan? She’s pretty, you know she’s got blue eyes and long brown hair. Any guy would kill for her, but I’ve heard she wants only you.” You wouldn’t let up. You kept pushing the girl subject on me. After fifteen minutes of your nagging, I had had it.

“I’m gay!” I screamed at him, “Alright Kale? I don’t like boobs, I like dick. I’m sorry. That’s why I’ve never dated.” I brought my knees up to my chest and rested my head in between them. I could feel my eyes beginning to burn with tears as I knew I had probably just ruined my friendship with you.

“Oh, well, got any guys in mind?” My head shot up as I looked at you in confusion. My eyes were puffy and red from the crying. You reached out and cleared a tear that was running down my cheek with your thumb.

“Y-you don’t mind?” You placed yourself on the towel next to me before slinging an arm around my shoulders.

“How could I ever mind? You’re my best friend, besides, I’ve always had my suspicions.” He chuckled softly. You tried so hard to set me up with the gay ones in our school, and you were successful a few times. I usually ended up feeling guilty in the end, knowing that there was only one boy I had ever had feelings for. You were blind though, but luckily it never broke my heart.

School flew by and luckily we were both accepted into the same college. You were going for Architecture and I was going for fashion. We shared a dorm, we shared a car, we shared hairbrushes, clothes and aftershave. Eventually we moved into an apartment together. I just wanted to be with you, as more than what we were. I wanted you to hold me and whisper sweet nothings in my ear while we watched a movie on our couch, like you had so many other times with other girlfriends. I wanted to feel your sweet, plump lips on mine. I wanted to run my hands up and down your toned body while you pinned me to your bed and ravished my neck with your nipping teeth. I knew I was falling in love with you, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. You were everything I wanted.

Two years in to college you joined a blog site and it changed our lives completely. When I say that, it sounds stupid, but that one little Internet site changed everything for us.

Because then, in a fifteen minute time period on a normal, lazy Sunday afternoon, you met her and my world came tumbling down.

“Hey Aaron!” You yelled across our spacious condo.

“Wassup?” I was working on cooking us dinner because you couldn’t cook for shit.

“Look at this girl. She’s like my twin.” I glanced over her ‘about me’ and it was true, they were the same person. She had a small picture above her information; she was gorgeous to say the least. Her blonde hair curled in various, random places and her smile was beautiful, each tooth in her mouth perfectly placed and completely white.

“Well, comment her or something. Get to know her, what harm could it do?” The words stumbled out of my mouth before I had a chance to stop them. Little did I know, it could cause a lot of harm, to me at least.

I was there when you sent her that first message replying to her ‘Say Anything’ lyrics that she posted. I was there when you chewed on your fingernails while you awaited a response to see if she had an aim. I was there the first time you talked to her on the phone. I was there the time you made a Youtube video for her to make her laugh. I was there when you bought a plane ticket to go visit her in Florida. I was there when you brought her home from the airport for me to meet her. I was there when you had your first date with her. I was there when she moved into our condo. I was there when you guys first did the deed. I was there during your first, second, third, and fourth year anniversary. I was there when you bought the ring. I was there when you got on one knee before her, pulled out the small, velvet, dark blue box from your pocket and said to her ‘Will you marry me?’ Each moment made my heart crack, splitting only the edges but never going all the way though.

I nearly began crying as I thought of those days. I took in the scene before me and felt my heart tumble a little closer to the ground. You faced her and she faced you, your hands intertwined together as the priest continued on.

I should be happy for you, and I am, but I hate the fact that you never once noticed what you were doing to me. You never noticed when I would lock myself in my room and cry myself to sleep because of you and her. You never noticed when I would casually slip out of the room so that I didn’t have to see you hold her during a movie. You, Kale Laroque, never noticed that you were breaking my heart.

The words came in a rush; it seemed, out of the priests mouth. “Do you, Kale Laroque take Adrienne O’hale to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony?” My heart was pounding in my chest, my heart rate becoming faster as the priest continued on, “Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?”

No.

Please no. Don’t say it Kale, please.

I could feel the tears brimming my eyes and begin to spill out. They traveled down my pale skin, over my cheeks and down my chin before crashing to the floor below me. To anyone other than I, it would look as if these were happy tears.

“I do.” The words left his mouth without any warning for me. In that moment my heart tumbled towards the ground, smashing on impact with those two simple little words. The service continued on, you glanced at me a few times sending me small smiles because you thought I was so joyfully happy for you. Across from me, the blonde headed man looked at me with sad eyes. I knew he knew I was feeling pain. He sent a small smile my way before turning back to the ceremony.

As quick as it came, the wedding ended and we were off towards the reception. You and her got into your BMW and sped off into the night towards the party. From behind me I could feel someone’s presence, I whirled around only to come face to face with none other than blonde boy.

“It’ll be okay, I know it hurts now, but it’ll be okay in the end.” He swooped his arms around my small frame and held me close to his body. “I’m Lane.” He whispered softly into my ear.

“Aaron.”

Years passed and Lane and I eventually got together, as a couple. I fell in love with him; he fell in love with I and when the law was passed we too, were married on the same spot that you and Adri had been married. You, just like I, stood behind me, my best man. I may have married the one I love, but you would always hold a piece of my shattered heart even though Lane had mended it as best he could.

Because in the end, what hurt the most was knowing that you, Kale Laroque, you broke my heart without even knowing it.