Let Me Go Back To Sleep

She kept crying for a while, she couldn’t stop even if she wanted to now and that wore her out. It was as if she ran out of energy to even open her eyes. So she kept them closed, torturing herself over and over again with the same thoughts of the past.

It was very quiet and dark outside. Only a couple of dim street lights were nearby. The wind was becoming colder; it felt like it was about to rain. She could feel the breeze all over her uncovered arms and legs, she felt so cold.

She was very sad; so sad that this feeling of getting the chills confused her. She didn’t know whether it was the cold weather or just something else. Then she felt it, it was a hand on her shoulder.

She lifted her head up to see whether it was Shannon or the manager who came out to lecture her. Her vision was still blurry from the tears in her eyes, but her heart immediately forgot its rhythmic course of beating at the sight of the person's shape. Her heart recognized him at once but her mind didn’t grasp it, she couldn’t believe it.

She wiped away the tears in her eyes to take a better look. It was then that she felt like she was about to faint. The simple act of breathing had suddenly become too heavy for her to handle. She wanted to say something, but that lump forming in her throat wasn’t helping her. The look in his eyes wasn’t helping her either.

She didn’t know whether to believe it or not, be happy or scared; that made her hands tremble. So he held them. She could feel his warm touch, she could remember it. That took away all the confusion somehow, and made her feel safe. She wasn't cold anymore. Just like that. All of a sudden.

“Hi baby,” he said calmly, squatting next to her.

“G…Gee,” she managed to mumble his name. Her voice was shaky.

“It’s ok baby,” he let go of one of her hands to take away the hair that was on her face and wipe away the tears that she was letting out earlier. “I missed you so much,” he whispered, slowly and gently caressing her face, as if he was studying each and every detail of it.

It was that same look filled with love, that same tender touch that would always give her the feeling like she was on top of the world. It was him, Gerard was right there. She looked in his eyes and she could see the affection. She could see how longing he was to see her, to feel her again.

“Gee…” she said again. It came out too calm, as if that effort she had to make to raise her voice a little was gone.

“I’m here baby,” he whispered again, softly pulling her hand closer to his chest, placing it right where his heart was. She could feel his heartbeats. She could feel him. He was right there, he was alive.

“God…” she whispered as she started to grasp the whole thing.

He stayed quiet, he knew she needed a moment to realize what was going on, so he didn’t say anything. Just kept looking at her so keenly, smiling to her as a way to reassure her that everything was ok.

She wondered for a second. Where was he all this time? Something huge must have happened that kept him alive. Why did he disappear? What happened? Then she forgot about all that as if nothing mattered to her anymore but seeing him with her at that moment, and feeling his heart beat.

She started feeling this joy fill her up. She couldn’t help it anymore. Tears started filling her eyes again. Tears of joy this time.

“No, don’t cry sugar,” he wiped it away again. That reminded her of how much he used to hate to see her cry. That used to be his weakness.

“You’re… you’re alive!” She managed to say, finally seizing the whole thing. “God…” she repeated again, placing both her hands on his face, feeling him. She had missed him so much she could barely believe she had the chance to touch his face again.
He gently pulled her closer to him. So close their lips almost collided. She smiled. She has never felt so alive.

“I love you, Lynn Richards,” he whispered.

She wanted to kiss him so bad; she was craving for the taste of his lips again. He looked so good, even better than she remembered him.

“I never stopped loving you,” she eventually whispered back, seeing him smile afterwards. It made her feel good seeing how she was able to actually make him smile. She was finally about to kiss him, get a real sense of his existence, but that loud sound of a door slamming startled her. She could feel that cold breeze crawl up on her again.

“Lynn…” she then heard her name. “Lynn,” she heard it again, this time even closer to her. Everything became dark again. “You got us worried, you know that?” She then heard that voice again. Suddenly, all she could see was black. She had to open her eyes...
She looked up to see Frank standing there.

“No…” she then said shaking her head in denial. “No!” She repeated looking in front of her, to see Gerard wasn’t there anymore. “Where’s Gerard?” She asked, not even taking the time to think about it.

“What?” Frank frowned. “Come on honey, give me your hand,” Frank then said, trying to help her up.

“Oh God no…” she started looking around, not wanting to believe what is now happening with her. All those amazing sensations she was just having seemed to have suddenly faded away. Gerard isn’t here, he never was. It was just a dream. All that hope and joy she had built up in it just crashed into pieces, making it so hard for her to admit it.

“Gerard!” She then exclaimed.

“What?” Frank frowned again.

“He was just here, please tell me you saw him!” She exclaimed, that feeling of depression striking her again. “Aw!” She then reacted as Frank tried to pull her up. Her legs hurt. More like her whole body did. She must have been asleep for a while now.

“Come on honey, let’s go,” Frank added helping her up, trying to ignore her confusing questions. “It’s 12 am, everyone is looking for you!” He asked watching her struggle, trying to hold herself up. The pain she was feeling was another proof for her to realize that she fell asleep for a long time. That she wasn’t really just about to kiss Gerard.

“There you are!” Shannon then shouted from far. “Where were you all this time!” She exclaimed walking towards her and Frank.

“Shhh,” Frank glared at Shannon. “It’s not the right time,” he then added.
“What?” Shannon frowned taking a closer look at Lynn to then realize how worn out she really was.

“I swear you guys,” Lynn then said, hanging on to Frank’s arm so that she could stand straight. “I could feel him!” She exclaimed. “I could feel Gerard,” she repeated, the sorrow clear in her eyes. “I could feel his heart beat, he’s alive!” She didn’t want to believe otherwise, because that’s what her heart was telling her. She was refusing to listen to her mind now.

Frank and Shannon just looked at each other, then at Lynn, they didn’t know what to tell her. They didn’t know what to think.

“Is everything okay guys?” Bob then came out after them. “We packed up the equipment; we’re finally set to get back home!” He then added walking towards them. “What’s wrong?” He couldn’t help but notice the tension in the air just as he got there.

“Come on,” Shannon said taking Lynn’s arm. “I’ll take you home,” she then said walking away with her.

“We need to get her professional help,” Frank told Bob as soon as they left.

“Why?” Bob frowned.

“She’s doing even worse than last year,” Frank showed concern.

“What happened?” Bob asked.

“Doesn’t matter, I’m talking to that doctor who lives in our building tomorrow,” Frank decided.

“The psychiatrist?” Bob sounded surprised.

“Yeah,” Frank replied. “I can’t let her keep having those illusions about Gerard being alive,” he explained.

“Hey guys!” Someone then said startling them.

“Jesus Christ!” Bob exclaimed looking behind him.

“Karen? What are you doing here?” Frank then asked.

“Oh, I was…” She took a second to think then added, “at the bar, I came here with Lynn and Shannon,” she said, forgetting to mention the part where she had to leave all of a sudden.

“You were there the whole time?” Frank seemed surprised, as Karen just nodded, smiling nervously, especially at the way Bob was looking at her.

“It’s weird how I didn’t see you there,” Bob replied.

“I don’t know it was crowded,” Karen looked away.

“Yeah but it’s not that big a pub,” Bob went on.

“I was sitting at the bar, I met Antonio,” she then said.

“Let’s just go home,” Frank said. “We’ll show you the way to Lynn and Shannon’s,” he then added deciding to let go of that matter. After all, it was just Karen, what could she possibly be doing. Lynn, on the other hand, was the one he should be worrying about right now, he thought.