Little Secrets
1
I changed my outfit at least ten times. I changed my hair at least five times. I changed my shoes three times. And I changed my makeup at least twice.
Glancing in the mirror, with a frown on my face, I still wasn’t thrilled with the outcome. But I had five minutes until Jasmine picked me up for school unless I wanted to walk. And let me tell you, walking to school when it was 94 degrees outside was not fun in the least. Not unless you were out in a bikini and wanted to get a tan. And you wouldn’t catch me alive or dead in a bikini or any kind of swimsuit.
I heard a horn honk twice signaling her arrival. Quickly I darted to bed, after dodging some inanimate object on the floor that I had tossed while getting dressed this morning, and grabbed my bag. I passed the kitchen where my mom was cooking the normal Wednesday breakfast for us three kids and slipped out the front door without being noticed. I was never big on breakfast.
Jasmine was bobbing her head to the music and eating her usual morning muffin. Envy filled me as I got into the car and buckled, my bag sitting on my lap covering my stomach. Why couldn’t I be as thin as she was?
“Hey gorgeous,” she greeted me, turning her music down by two turns of the volume, “no breakfast again today?”
I pulled on a smiled and huffed, faking full. “Mom made us breakfast this morning. Her normal Wednesday breakfast thing, I am stuffed beyond stuffed.”
“Relax! I was only kidding silly. Plus, I’s hate to see you be a pig and make a mess in my car.” A giggle escaped her as she drove off to Bellmont High.
Something about what she said made me uneasy and I faked a lame laugh. So lame, anyone who didn’t know me would know it was a fake laugh. Normally I was able to pull on a better façade. But something about her little joke really irked me and reminded me of…him.
Him is who I hated and loathed. Although I loathed him with a passion of a thousand and one burning suns, he showed me that with a little effort and determination I could change, even if I only lost ten pounds. But I was seriously still working on it. I was only 115 pounds, but that was 16 too much. I wanted to be under a hundred and feel light and effortless.
I huffed. Like that was going to happen.
“Huh?” Jasmine asked.
“What?” Had I missed something she said?
“You huffed or something and I wanted to know what it was about. Miss huff-a-lot.” She giggled. She thought she was so witty sometimes.
Absentmindedly I shrugged searching my head for something. “I was just thinking about the pop quiz that Mr. Smith was threatening us with, because he had no right to do that.” Did she buy it?
“I know!” Jasmine exclaimed dragging out the ‘oh’.
I breathed, letting the air fill my lungs, as I relaxed a bit. I really needed to start relaxing more, but with the pressure to look ‘picture perfect’ I barely slept because of the cruel jokes that haunted me when I wasn’t thinking about school.
School seemed to be my only escape, but not really. While the studying and the lessons distracted me, my classmates only brought me back to reality. Walking the hallways and sitting with my friends at lunch made realize all that I had been told. All that he had told me.
I closed my eyes and shook my head as the car came to a stop. I had to shake this off because I had to pay attention to the Chemistry test review for tomorrows test. I was sure I was going to get a B on the test but I really wanted an A especially if I wanted a B for the quarter. My one C on my report card was not going to happen and I was determined.
Jasmine followed me to my locker as she talked about how she was excited for the spring break coming up in two weeks and what she was planning to do, if anything. Her dream was to rent a cabin for a few nights and have a party one of those nights, inviting boys and being free from any parents. But both of us knew that was not really going to happen. It was just something we wanted to happen and dreamt about.
The thought was nice and filled with bliss. A few days on our own without our parents to watch us every second would be amazing and just being able to sit back and relax. I would do anything for that. Sometimes my dad could be a little strict, or a lot strict according to my friends.
My thoughts of bliss were interrupted when I saw what I thought to be him. My body froze and I prayed to be suddenly invisible. Prayed that no one would be able to see me and how disgusting I looked. I felt as if I gained fifteen pounds and had a bigger stomach then I already did.
When no names like “fat ugly and worthless” came my way I looked at the kid who smiled at me before continuing to walk by. But I doubted that he was smiling at me. I was ugly and fat. He had to be smiling to Jasmine, who was oblivious to all the male population.
“We better get to first period Lisa Marie,” Jasmine said dragging me by the arm, “we are making pancakes in cooking class today!” A smile appeared on her face, eager to get to class to eat.’
While she was smiling, I bit my lip and felt my stomach growl at the mention of pancakes my favorite food. I shook my head and tried to will my stomach to shut up. I wasn’t allowed to eat pancakes. They were filled with fat and it was more weight I didn’t want.
Upon entering first period Jasmine dragged me to our assigned kitchen and eagerly waited for the teacher to tell us that it was OK to start cooking. I prayed that I could pass the pancakes without anyone noticing. Especially Jasmine.
Glancing in the mirror, with a frown on my face, I still wasn’t thrilled with the outcome. But I had five minutes until Jasmine picked me up for school unless I wanted to walk. And let me tell you, walking to school when it was 94 degrees outside was not fun in the least. Not unless you were out in a bikini and wanted to get a tan. And you wouldn’t catch me alive or dead in a bikini or any kind of swimsuit.
I heard a horn honk twice signaling her arrival. Quickly I darted to bed, after dodging some inanimate object on the floor that I had tossed while getting dressed this morning, and grabbed my bag. I passed the kitchen where my mom was cooking the normal Wednesday breakfast for us three kids and slipped out the front door without being noticed. I was never big on breakfast.
Jasmine was bobbing her head to the music and eating her usual morning muffin. Envy filled me as I got into the car and buckled, my bag sitting on my lap covering my stomach. Why couldn’t I be as thin as she was?
“Hey gorgeous,” she greeted me, turning her music down by two turns of the volume, “no breakfast again today?”
I pulled on a smiled and huffed, faking full. “Mom made us breakfast this morning. Her normal Wednesday breakfast thing, I am stuffed beyond stuffed.”
“Relax! I was only kidding silly. Plus, I’s hate to see you be a pig and make a mess in my car.” A giggle escaped her as she drove off to Bellmont High.
Something about what she said made me uneasy and I faked a lame laugh. So lame, anyone who didn’t know me would know it was a fake laugh. Normally I was able to pull on a better façade. But something about her little joke really irked me and reminded me of…him.
Him is who I hated and loathed. Although I loathed him with a passion of a thousand and one burning suns, he showed me that with a little effort and determination I could change, even if I only lost ten pounds. But I was seriously still working on it. I was only 115 pounds, but that was 16 too much. I wanted to be under a hundred and feel light and effortless.
I huffed. Like that was going to happen.
“Huh?” Jasmine asked.
“What?” Had I missed something she said?
“You huffed or something and I wanted to know what it was about. Miss huff-a-lot.” She giggled. She thought she was so witty sometimes.
Absentmindedly I shrugged searching my head for something. “I was just thinking about the pop quiz that Mr. Smith was threatening us with, because he had no right to do that.” Did she buy it?
“I know!” Jasmine exclaimed dragging out the ‘oh’.
I breathed, letting the air fill my lungs, as I relaxed a bit. I really needed to start relaxing more, but with the pressure to look ‘picture perfect’ I barely slept because of the cruel jokes that haunted me when I wasn’t thinking about school.
School seemed to be my only escape, but not really. While the studying and the lessons distracted me, my classmates only brought me back to reality. Walking the hallways and sitting with my friends at lunch made realize all that I had been told. All that he had told me.
I closed my eyes and shook my head as the car came to a stop. I had to shake this off because I had to pay attention to the Chemistry test review for tomorrows test. I was sure I was going to get a B on the test but I really wanted an A especially if I wanted a B for the quarter. My one C on my report card was not going to happen and I was determined.
Jasmine followed me to my locker as she talked about how she was excited for the spring break coming up in two weeks and what she was planning to do, if anything. Her dream was to rent a cabin for a few nights and have a party one of those nights, inviting boys and being free from any parents. But both of us knew that was not really going to happen. It was just something we wanted to happen and dreamt about.
The thought was nice and filled with bliss. A few days on our own without our parents to watch us every second would be amazing and just being able to sit back and relax. I would do anything for that. Sometimes my dad could be a little strict, or a lot strict according to my friends.
My thoughts of bliss were interrupted when I saw what I thought to be him. My body froze and I prayed to be suddenly invisible. Prayed that no one would be able to see me and how disgusting I looked. I felt as if I gained fifteen pounds and had a bigger stomach then I already did.
When no names like “fat ugly and worthless” came my way I looked at the kid who smiled at me before continuing to walk by. But I doubted that he was smiling at me. I was ugly and fat. He had to be smiling to Jasmine, who was oblivious to all the male population.
“We better get to first period Lisa Marie,” Jasmine said dragging me by the arm, “we are making pancakes in cooking class today!” A smile appeared on her face, eager to get to class to eat.’
While she was smiling, I bit my lip and felt my stomach growl at the mention of pancakes my favorite food. I shook my head and tried to will my stomach to shut up. I wasn’t allowed to eat pancakes. They were filled with fat and it was more weight I didn’t want.
Upon entering first period Jasmine dragged me to our assigned kitchen and eagerly waited for the teacher to tell us that it was OK to start cooking. I prayed that I could pass the pancakes without anyone noticing. Especially Jasmine.
♠ ♠ ♠
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