I Need You But You Make My Heart Burn in Pieces

Around 40 minutes later I was buckled up in the car, like I was a baby Gerard put my seatbelt on me, and on the way to Luke's therapy session. Gerard had asked Luke if we could have separate therapy sessions today, I wasn't quite sure why, and I didn't like it.

We arrived sooner than I'd have liked to at the building, I walked slowly towards it, trying to stall the inevitable meeting.

We stood outside Luke's door; a silver plaque marking it was his, I breathed out deeply, I really didn’t want to go in there. There was something about spilling my secrets to a stranger that made me uneasy.

"You go in first, Gee," I insisted even though he'd told me in the car I was going first anyway so it was pointless.

"No, I said you were going in first, now go," he said looking angry and pushing me in the room.

I stumbled in the room and found Luke sitting at his desk with his clipboard, reading a book.

"Oh, hi, Frank," Luke smiled at me, he marked the page in his book and put it to one side, "how are you today?"

"I'm, uh, I'm fine," I put on a fake smile to ensure him, but it wasn't convincing.

"Please, sit," he gestured towards the chair in front of his desk.

I nodded and took a seat, folding my hands in my lap and looking at them.

"I can tell that you're not, you know," he said.

"That I'm not, what?" I asked, confused.

"That you're not fine," he stated. My eyes widened, this guy was good . . . unfortunately.
"Tell me, Frank, what's troubling you?" he leaned forward and looked at me, seeming to be genuinely interested.

I relaxed a little, "Well, I'm-I just don't like being here," I spoke fast.

Luke nodded, scribbling down on the clipboard, "Can you tell me why?"

"It's just, well, no offense, but you're really intimidating, you make me nervous," I spilled out, "And I feel like if I don't make an effort or do good here, then Gerard will get angry." I was really surprised at how much I was telling him, I couldn’t even stop myself saying it.

"And when Gerard gets angry with you, how do you feel?"

"Scared," I replied immediately, subconsciously in a hushed voice incase Gerard was listening. Luke nodded frantically and jotted on the paper again.

I hid my laugh behind a smile, he smiled back.

"May I suggest that if you ever feel Gerard's anger is escalating that you speak to him calmly, show no signs of weakness, try and understand how he's feeling," Luke advised me.

I nodded, "Okay."

He smiled, "I'll give him some exercises to do that will make him less angry, that should help," he explained.

"Um, could you please not tell Gerard anything I said?" I asked, biting my lip.

"Of course, this is all confidential unless you or Gerard say otherwise," he ensured me.

"Thank you," I breathed out, feeling relieved.

"You can go now, unless you have anything else to talk about," Luke said.

"Not really," I mumbled staring at my wrist knowing what lays underneath my long sleeves, I stood, "Thanks again, bye," I hurried out quickly.

Gerard was sat in a chair outside the room, he jumped a little when I walked out, his eyes widened, he looked like a small animal in the headlights of the car, I smiled; he looked cute.

"You can go in now," I smiled at him and he rose from the chair, giving me a peck on the cheek before going in the room. I tenderly touched the skin he'd pressed his lips against as I sat down in the chair; it was still slightly warm from Gerard sitting there.

I sat in a daze just thinking about what Luke had suggested, just wondering what he was saying to Gerard, right now. I began thinking; why had he been so eager to get here?

Maybe he liked Luke more than me, maybe he thought Luke was better than me, maybe he was going to leave me. Tears welled up in my eyes at that thought and I almost screamed in frustration, I wasn't supposed to cry; I'm not a kid or a girl.

At that moment, Gerard walked out the room, he looked serious, I couldn't describe his face in any other way but serious. I stood up immediately blinking the tears out of my eyes hurriedly.
Gerard didn't even bother to wait for me, he just kept walking, I rushed up to him and linked my hand with his, he didn't object, but he didn't wrap his fingers round me either.

I was worried but I kept silent, in fear of him lashing out. Luke had reassured me there was something I could do with Gerard's anger, but I was too scared to try it out.

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

We sat in seemingly awkward silence in the car until I felt I should have said something.

"You and Luke seem friendly," I said, knowing I was hinting but not entirely sure that Gerard knew.

He clenched his jaw and nodded, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

"What did he talk to you about when you went in?" I asked, hoping to get some kind of voice response from him.

He just shrugged then parked the car in the apartment's car park. I undid my seatbelt quickly and hurried after Gerard, who once again had gone off again.

"I mean, you guys seem kind of really friendly," I laughed slightly trying to make it like it was a joke.

"What do you mean?" Gerard said through clenched teeth.

I laughed nervously again, "I mean, I just-uh, you know, it just worried me for a second."

"You think I'd do that?" Gerard asked me seeming angry and shocked, but angrier. I began to get frightened.

"No, no, no, of course not, you know, I just thought that-," I stammered.

"You actually think I'd do that," he almost screamed at me pushing me up against a wall.

"Ge-Gerard, calm down . . . please." I attempted Luke's tactics.

"No, I fucking will not," he shouted at me, kneeing me in the stomach. I doubled over trying to regain my breath as I felt a powerful blow to the side of my face.

Soon after I could just hear the fading sounds of footsteps as I sank to the floor.