I Need You But You Make My Heart Burn in Pieces

I sat with my head in my hands for a full hour, breathing heavily. The hot tears rolled down my face and stung the place where Gerard had punched me. The cold breeze made me shiver but made my face feel better.

Eventually, I got up pulling my jacket around me I began to walk slowly into the apartment building. Then I stopped, maybe I shouldn't go back in. What if Gerard is still angry? Maybe I should let him cool down or maybe I should give him a scare.

I decided I would stay away from the apartment, more importantly; Gerard, for a few days, mainly for him to worry. I thought that he deserved it. I walked away from the apartment block as I pondered on where I could stay. I knew I couldn't stay at Bob, Ray or Mikey's house; they'd tell Gerard.

Then it hit me; Sara! I knew she'd let me stay and she didn’t even know about Gerard. She didn't even know I was gay. I searched my phone and found her number, feeling glad that I'd stored her number earlier. I pressed the green button and held the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" came a voice; the sound of a laughing kid was in the background.

"Hi, it's Frank," I told her.

"Oh, hey!" she exclaimed. "What's up?"

I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I was about to answer, my voice became strangled, "Uh- nothing much, I was just wondering if I could stay at your place for a while," I scrunched up my eyes and crossed my fingers on my free hand, praying she'd say yes.

"Of course you can, you can tell me what's wrong when you get here," she told me.

My eyes shot open, "How'd do you know there's something wrong?"

"Well, you just confirmed it, Frank," she laughed, "and I've known for ages."

I mumbled, "Whatever."

"How're you getting here?" she asked.

"Um, I was just going to walk," I said realizing I couldn't take the car.

"Oh, you can't do that!" she exclaimed, "I'll pick you up, where are you?"

"Uh, I'm-," I looked around me, "outside Oakley Apartment Block," I told her. I never had to tell it that was my apartment block.

"Okay, I'll be there in about 10 minutes," she told me, "Bye." Then the line went dead.

All I could do now was wait and hope she'd forgotten that there was anything wrong with me.

I stood for a while until I saw a small, cheap looking, blue car; with orange lines painted down the side driving fast down the road it swerved dangerously and parked beside me.

The door opened, "Come on, get in," I heard Sara say.

I climbed in slowly, realizing my stomach hurt and pulled the seat belt across my chest, "You drive like a mad woman," I laughed.

"I do not!" Sara exclaimed, "I just drive fast."

"Sure, whatever," I sniggered.

She hit my arm lightly, "Well, anyway, meet my daughter; Francesca," she gestured her hand to the back seat.

In a car seat sat a little girl, with fine mousey brown hair, green eyes and small pale pink lips, "My name's Frankie, mommy! Not Francesca, that's icky," she protested making a face, her little button nose wrinkled.

I smiled, "Hey! That's my name too."

"But you're a boy," she told me, her head tilted to the side, a look of confusion on her face.

"It's a girl and boy's name," I explained.

"Oh," she nodded before smiling at me, "Nice to meet you, Frankie," she stuck out her little hand.

I laughed and took it, shaking it lightly. The car started and I turned around.

"She looks just like you," I told Sara in a hushed voice.

"Thanks," she smiled.

We arrived a short while later at the moderately sized house just outside of Belleville; Sara got her kid out of the car and carried her inside.

"You sit there," she demanded pointing at a couch, "I'll find her something to do and we can sit and talk."

She hadn't forgotten, then, "Fine," I mumbled before taking a seat and looking around her house.

A few minutes later Sara came back and sat in front of me, cross legged, on the floor, "So Frankie boy, what's up?"

I shuffled off from the couch and sat opposite her, "Do I have to tell you?" I asked, looking down, feeling slightly ashamed at being such a wimp.

"You realize, I'll get it out of you eventually," she smiled; Sara made even serious things a bit less awkward.

"Fine," I breathed in, preparing to tell her, "Well, firstly, you sort of need to know I'm gay."

"I assumed so, Frank," she told me.

"...Well..... I'm glad that's over with," I felt relieved, she hadn't ridiculed me, she just knew, after all the time I hadn't seen her we were still close, "I have this boyfriend and he gets angry sometimes and takes it out on me," I finished, surprised at how little time it took me to tell the story. I knew there'd be lots of questions, though.

Sara's eyes widened, "Why take it out on you? You're so sweet, no one could ever hurt you!" she exclaimed.

"Well, I suppose it's my fault, really, I just say stupid, annoying things and stuff," I mumbled looking down at my hands in embarrassment.

"And why did you come here then?" she asked, putting a hand under my chin and forcing me to look into her eyes.

"Before I came here I was just sitting for about an hour after he'd uh-, well, you know," I stammered, awkwardly, "and I just decided that I should stay away, you know, maybe he might just leave me alone, which I don't want and I don't even know why I'm here he's going to get so angry and-," I was cut off from my anxious rambling by Sara pulling me into a hug.

"It's okay, everything's gonna be fine," she reassured me. I pulled back and nodded as a tear rolled down my face. I roughly wiped it off, my cheeks tinting red.

Sara giggled, girlishly. I smiled; I hadn't really been around someone other than the band in so long I'd almost forgotten what it was like to socialize.

"I missed you," I stated.

Sara made a cooing noise and pulled me into a hug all over again, "I missed you, too," she told me, pulling out of the hug and wiping tears from her eyes.

"You females get too emotional," I sighed.

She pushed me, "You can talk; you're gay!"

"That doesn't make me a girl though, does it?" I smirked proudly.

"No but you've always been a pansy," she smiled before jumping up and running into the kitchen.

"Hey!" I shouted before running after her. I followed her into the kitchen where we found little Frankie sitting on the floor, eating cookie dough ice cream.

"I want some," I laughed, sitting beside her and looking up at Sara, "get me a spoon, mommy," I teased.

Sara rolled her eyes, opened a draw and handed me one. I snatched it and dunked it into the rapidly vanishing ice cream.

"This is fun, thanks." I smiled up at Sara with a mouthful of ice cream. I felt genuinely happy for the first time in a while. Maybe being away from Gerard was just what I needed, after all.