I Need You But You Make My Heart Burn in Pieces

I lay curled up on the couch, turning from one side to the other; getting to sleep without Gerard would be harder than I thought.

To pass the time I decided to look at my phone, I dug into my pocket and pulled it out; 8 missed called and 3 text messages, all from Gerard.
I looked at the first one:

"Frankie, are you okay? Xx
18 May 2007 04:01 PM
From: Gee Baby <3"

That was probably about the time he left me after punching me, then the second one said:

"Frank, where are you? You're not outside anymore. Xx
18 May 2007 05:27 PM
From: Gee Baby <3"

About the time I arrived at Sara's house. Then the last one:

"Frank! Seriously, I'm really worried about you, I'm sorry, at least let me know you’re okay! Xx
18 May 2007 10:06 PM
From: Gee Baby <3"

That was just a few minutes ago, maybe I should call him or maybe send a text. He doesn't really deserve this, does he? I opened a reply text then closed it.

He can wait just a bit longer, I'm sure. I smiled, knowing that Gerard was worrying about me made me happy, like my own sick kind of torture. It made me happy and that was enough for me to roll over and fall asleep.

-------

I awoke in the morning to the sound of screaming and someone sitting on my stomach. I groaned and opened my bleary eyes; Frankie was sitting on my stomach.

I grinned at her and pushed her off; she screeched and fell onto her hands and knees before standing up and scowling at me.

"I'll get you," she growled, squeezing her little hands into fists.

"Oh, really?" I laughed, "Tell me, how you will get me?"

"Like this," she smiled and advanced forward sticking her cold hands underneath my tee shirt and tickling my stomach.

I gasped and picked her up, holding her by the ankles, she squealed and giggled hysterically. I grinned, "Don’t you dare do that, Francesca," I scolded her teasingly before putting her right side up and dropping her, from a safe height, onto the couch.

"Kids," Sara called from the kitchen, "breakfast is ready!"

I grinned at Frankie and we raced to the kitchen, I let her win. She sat in her kiddies seat and crossed her arms triumphantly, "I win, hah!"

"You did, Frankie, you're just too fast for me," I sighed, sitting down opposite her. Sara sat next to Francesca.

"I'm not a kid, you know," I stuck out my tongue at Sara.

"You act like one," she stuck her tongue out back, "and just for that you're not getting pancakes."

"No! I want pancakes," I pouted, picking up my cutlery and banging it on the table.
Sara laughed, "That face is just too cute to deny."

"I know," I said teasingly knowing it was cute because it always worked on Gerard.

She placed a plate a plate of pancakes in front of me and a small bowl in front of Frankie, then a plate in front of herself.

I thanked her and tucked in.

_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@

Days passed and I still stayed at Sara's house, I really was enjoying myself, I felt happy, I felt free; I felt independent. I'd been borrowing some of Sara's older clothes, seeing as I only had one.

Gerard texted me at least once a day, sometimes two. I replied just once I only said I was fine and I didn't say anything else, I didn't reply after that. Until one day, he texted me, the words were jumbled on the screen, I could barely make out what he was saying.

"Sara," I called.

She came downstairs from putting Frankie to bed; "Yes?" she smiled, sitting beside me on the couch.

"I think my boyfriend's drunk," I brought my hand to my face and chewed on my nail, I still hadn't told her who he was.

"Okay, and?" she asked.

"He used to be a really big alcoholic, and then he quit, I'm just worried," I explained.

Sara nodded, "Perhaps you should phone him," she suggested. I shook my head,

"He could trace the call, and he's probably be angry."

Sara looked thoughtful, "Well, you could wait until tomorrow night and if he's done it again, then maybe text him."

"That would be best," I smiled.

"You should be careful, if he isn't drunk he could be doing it to get you to come back and I don't want you to be hurt again," her facial expression and mix of anger and concern.

I nodded, "Thank you."

"Its okay, Frank, listen, do you want to go out tonight? Obviously, just as friends, but we could go out somewhere, to a local gig or whatever and get a baby sitter or one of my friends to look after Francesca," Sara looked hopeful.

I smiled, it sounded like fun and she deserved a night out, looking after me and the other Frankie was probably hard work.

"Sure," I grinned.

"Great, I'll go get ready," she giggled, excitedly and hurried off upstairs.

--------

We arrived just half an hour later at a local nightclub, luckily one of Sara's friends was going to baby-sit for her. The room was dark and full of heated bodies, the music was blaring loudly.

"I'll go get drinks, what do you want?" I shouted over the noise to Sara.

"I'll have an uh- anything," she smiled before making her way to the dance floor.

I ordered a beer and an "anything", gave Sara's her drink and sat at the bar sipping the beer lightly, suddenly I remembered my promise to Gee; I remembered I'd told him I'd never drink again. I put the beer down, but then I narrowed my eyes and picked it up again, then downed the rest of it and ordered another.

I was away from Gerard now; I didn't need to do what he wanted me to, so I decided to get drunk, I decided I was going to get utterly wasted. It wasn't really that I was addicted to alcohol, because I wasn't, but this was my defiance.

Steadily, I worked my way through another two beers, vodka and several shots. My mind was running slow and I was sitting beside a man, who looked rather a lot older than me, his name was Andrew or something like that.

He had his hand rested on my leg, which he was slowly rubbing up and down my thigh, pleasantly, he was speaking to me about god knows what, I just sat there grinning and laughing, I wasn't even sure if what he was saying was funny. I could barely understand it because of the music and the alcohol, anyway.

Suddenly, I had the burning urge to take a piss; I shouted this to Andrew...or whoever he was and stood up, stumbling over to the men's room. I leaned on the door and fell into the bathrooms, giggling I got up and made my way over to the urinals, I did my business and went over to the sinks to wash my hands and splash some water on my face, the nightclub was extremely hot.

Just as I washed my hands someone banged open the door and came in giggling hysterically, it was a very familiar giggle, I turned around to see Gerard stand there staring back at me.

"Frank," he almost shouted, he rushed over to me. I backed into a corner, my brain instantly sobering up and letting loose torrents of fear. Suddenly he was hovering right over me, breathing on my face; his breath smelling stronger than alcohol than mine probably did.

"I missed you, sugar," he whispered before crashing his lips violently onto mine.

I squeaked in surprise and pushed him off me, "Gerard, get off, you're drunk!" I exclaimed disgustedly, casting him a distasteful glance.

Suddenly, his eyes narrowed, "Why did you leave me? You scared me, Frank, why did you leave?" his voice was low and it was frightening the hell out of me.

Without warning, he punched me, square in the head, and I fell down, hitting my head on piping, I groaned and rolled over, stupidly, receiving a kick in the stomach, my vision began to grow blurry, I was crying and loosing consciousness.

"You better come back, Frank," Gerard growled, "or I will find you!"

After that the door banged shut and I let my eyes close heavily.