I Need You But You Make My Heart Burn in Pieces

I groaned as I sat up, my head was throbbing causing little black stars to pulsate in front of my eyes, I felt blind.

"Gee, baby, where are you? I need aspirin," I croaked out, my throat was extremely sore.

"Frank, you're awake," I heard Gerard's voice and saw him standing in front of the bed, my eyesight was getting better. He moved towards me and handed me some pills and a glass of water. I smiled slightly in gratitude and downed the pills taking a large gulp of water. I placed the glass on the drawers beside the bed and laid back.

"How are you feeling?" Gerard asked.

"Uh-good" I lied remembering we had a show later on. I hated disappointing fans and the band when I got ill. “Yeah, much better, I’m totally good now!” I continued lying with a small gleam of hope that Gerard might just believe me.

"That wasn't convincing, Frankie. I know you wanna do the show but I just don't want you, like, passing out on stage or something," he sighed.

"I won't I promise, please Gee," I whined looking at him and putting on my best begging look. It was the look I used when he was too tired for sex and I wasn't.

"Not that face," he groaned.

"Please," I looked at him making my eyes go large and my lip quiver.

"No and I mean it Frank," he said.

I tried one last time, "But- but please."

"No, Frankie just shut up," he snapped the anger flaring in his voice. Suddenly he seemed shocked he stood up and left the room quickly. A few minutes later I hard something shatter on the floor and Gerard mutter angrily under his breath. Fear rose up in my throat suddenly; he always muttered under his breath just before he hit me.

Suddenly it wasn't just the fear rising in my throat. I struggled to get up falling to the floor as I did so. I stood up quickly and ran to the bathroom in time to be sick in the toilet, again.

I managed to stumble back to the bed and lay completely straight under the covers. I shut my eyes tight and tried to imagine I wasn't scared. I tried to imagine Gerard wasn't like this, imagine he and I were always happy together. But I knew, it wasn't like that and I was scared because I thought it would always be there, that fear, it would always be there just waiting to creep back up.

I fell asleep after a while but woke up only a few hours later to find Gerard sitting on the bed feeling my forehead. I kept my eyes closed for a while scared slightly that if I opened my eyes he would lash out.

"Frank," he began, "I know you're awake!”

I opened my eyes cautiously to see Gerard staring at me with concern and sympathy held in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"What for?" I asked

He moved over me and sat besides me on the bed, "I can tell," he said, "I can see just how scared I make you and I'm sorry."

Tears began to brim in my eyes, "You don't have to be!"

"I do."

"You really don't, maybe this IS my fault, I think it is!" I began to ramble, "maybe we should just stop, maybe I should just leave I think that would be good, I can see I cause you a lot of pain, emotionally and I don't want that, maybe we should just be friends." I spluttered trying to reassure myself as well. I was beginning to cry a great deal, I was shaking a lot and couldn't seem to breathe.

I managed to pull myself together and looked up at Gerard he was just sat there, staring at me. I began to get frightened; I couldn't tell if the look in his eyes was one of agreement, disappointment, anger or what.

I got up slowly and walked into the kitchen, I heard Gerard follow me into the room

"Don't say that, Frank," he said quietly.

I took a shuddering breath, "I just think it would be for the best."

"Don't you dare say that," his voice raised to a snarl.

"I-" I began as I turned but I was cut off by Gerard throwing something sharp at my forehead. It was the glass he had broken earlier. I felt my forehead where the glass had made contact then looked at my hand, it had blood on it. Gerard had never made me bleed before.

With a sudden anger I had never felt before I slapped him hard across the face, it was more of a punch really. He stared me then touched the red skin that contrasted against his pale skin where I had hit him. Suddenly I realized what I had done I dodged past him and ran into bedroom of our apartment. I shut the door and sat down against it so Gerard couldn't get in.

Soon I felt him kicking against the door trying to get in, "Frank, you bastard! Let me in," he screamed. I just sat there trying to hold the door for as long as I could, the cut on my forehead was bleeding quite a lot and it was running down my face. After a while I began to get tired and I accidentally let my arms slip Gerard pushed on the door and it opened easily I scrambled away quickly but I tripped over. He stood over me as I lay on the floor shaking in terror.

I shut my eyes tight.