I Need You But You Make My Heart Burn in Pieces

Fifteen minutes later Gerard dragged me out the shower and dumped me on the bed. Then he turned around and pulled open the wardrobe. He pulled out some clothes and threw them at me. I looked at them and wrinkled my nose.

"I don't like these," I complained.

"I know. But I do they make you look cute," he giggled looking at the pink top with a skull on it and the tight black jeans.

"Gee, they make me look like a fag!" I told him seriously.

"You are a fag," he said dryly.

I pushed the clothes to the floor and crossed my arms even though I was beginning to shiver wearing just a towel round my waist.

"Just wear them," Gerard said in a normal tone. My stomach twisted when he said it although he sounded completely normal I just couldn't get out the thought in my head that he sounded menacing. So I quickly pulled on the boxers and clothes he given me then brushed out my damp hair.

Then I stood in front of him trying to smile as best as I could. Gee grinned at me then pushed me slightly forward. I walked forward and we went out the building and climbed into the car.

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We got to the couples therapy and walked in to find Luke sitting drinking coffee.

"Ah, hello," he said smiling up at us from his seat.

I smiled and Gerard shook his hand, staring eagerly at the coffee; I was sure he would snatch it from Luke at any given second considering he hadn’t had his morning coffee yet. Then we both took seats opposite him. He drained his coffee quickly then sat up.

"Well then what would you like to discuss today?" he asked staring directly at me. I just kept my mouth shut.

"Uh, I think we'd like to talk about this whole ‘me taking it out on Frank thing’ -again-," Gerard said. As soon as he'd said it I tensed noticeably although only Gerard noticed as Luke was writing something on a piece of paper. He looked up and nodded,

"Yes, okay, anything in particular about it?"

"Well-uh, I spoke to Frank and he keeps saying that when I hit him it's his fault even though I know he doesn't do anything," Gerard explained.

"And why do you think this Frank?" he asked inclining his head to me.

"Uh-," I began, I wasn't planning on speaking again, "uh- well, I- if someone hits y-you its going to be y-your fault be-because otherwise they wouldn't h-hit you," I told him stammering slightly glancing over at Gerard who didn't look angered but just held a look of sympathy in his deep hazel eyes.

"You seem nervous Frank," he said. "Is it because you're afraid?" he asked.

His calm voice made me feel so intimidated. A sweat started to break out on my forehead and my hands were shaking.

I managed to get my confidence up enough to nod my head ever so slightly glancing at Gerard all the while. He didn't even look the slightest bit angry in fact he looked like he was going to burst into tears and start kissing me.

"What are you frightened of?" Luke asked.

I didn't say anything.

"Are you frightened of Gerard?" he questioned.

I nodded again as I tucked the piece of hair that was hiding the cut on my forehead behind my ear. I regretted it immediately and tried to hide the cut but Luke had already noticed. He raised his eyes brows critically. Nervously, I ran a finger along the diagonal cut feeling the elevated, healing skin.

"What's that?" Luke asked in an authority-like tone. Suddenly, I felt like a school student in a principles office. I wriggled down in my sat as the dread rose up in my throat making it feel hoarse and dry. All I wanted was for the floor to swallow me up!

"It was my fault," Gerard spoke up bravely and sighed regretfully.

I stared at my feet hoping to avoid questions.

"What happened?" Luke asked with a softer tone of voice.

"I got angry with Frank and threw a piece of glass at him," Gerard explained talking as if I wasn't even in the room.

Luke scribbled something down hastily on his seemingly always-present clipboard, "and why did you get angry at him, Gerard?"

"I-uh, h-he mentioned that maybe we should stop seeing each other," Gerard stammered.

I felt ashamed at the memory and furiously blinked away tear as I continued to stare at the floor beneath my feet.

"Is there any reason as to why you mentioned this, Frank?" Luke began to interrogate me.

I sniffed and looked up. I began to think of a lie to tell him but then I decided to be brave and tell him the truth. We'd never get anywhere with this therapy if I wasn't honest. "I was scared," I admitted in almost a whisper.

"Mmhmm," Luke nodded as he scribbled on the clipboard again, "and after Gerard threw the glass at you, what happened then?"

"I-I hit him," I confessed, "really hard." I glanced at Gerard. He just sat there; staring at me and his eyes held no emotion all I could see was a deep pit of burning hazel.

"Then, he ran into the bedroom," Gerard continued for me, "and he held the door closed so I couldn't get in the bedroom then I managed to push the door open a-and," his cracked, "and he tried to run again b-but he tripped, then I kicked him and the look on his face…he looked so hurt. I – I just couldn't stand it," Gerard finished solemnly. All through his explanation he kept staring at me, he never blinked, he never looked away; he just stared.

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I walked out the building happily. I felt like today we'd gotten somewhere, I felt a lot happier even if what we were discussing wasn't particularly heart warming. Gerard gripped my hand tightly, almost nervously. For once, I felt strong, I felt like I could protect him and I knew at that moment, through all our ups and downs I loved him. I would gladly jump in front of a speeding car for him; I knew that much. "Well then, sugar, time to go home, get changed and go to school," Gerard giggled excitedly.

I replied with a grunt as I continued to be lost in thought.

"Frank, are you okay?" he asked squeezing my hands.

I stopped suddenly and Gerard stood in front of me looking uncertain and worried. I glared up at him with my wide eyes and I smiled.

"I love you," I said simply.

Gerard looked quite taken back at my statement; truthfully, I've never said it to him before, ever.

He smiled back and his wide eyes just gleamed at me, "I love you too, Fwankie." He kissed me sweetly on the lips before turning around and bouncing happily towards the car.

I climbed into the passenger seat and pulled on my seat belt.

"Hey Gee, why don't I ever drive?" I asked perplexed.

Gerard gave me an exasperated look; "Last time you almost made us crash because you dropped your Twizzler on the floor."

I blushed brightly, "I like Twizzlers!"

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We arrived at the school reunion, hearing old music blaring out of the windows. Walking through the doors, we were greeted by a few old teachers and handed drinks. I trailed around closely behind Gerard as he smiled and talked to people who we knew at school.

Around half an hour later I began to grow bored.

"Gee, I'm bored," I whined when I pulled him away to go grab some punch. He sighed exasperatedly.

"Well, go find someone to talk to," he looked at me.

"But, I'm so horny and I just wanna go home," I whined again.

"Is there ever a time when you're not horny," he giggled.

"Yes!" I almost shouted.

"Uh huh, sure," he laughed.

"Promise we can go in ten minutes," I told him.

"Twenty minutes," he bargained.

"Fifteen," I reasoned.

"Done," he graced me with a glittering smile that made me want to throw my arms around his neck but before I could he walked away and started talking to a tall guy wearing a suit.

I sighed, slumped my shoulders and turned around only to bump into a girl a little taller than me wearing black drainpipe pants and a bouncing soul's tee shirt. I smiled at her attire then raised my head to look to her face and apologize.

"Sorry," I mumbled when I suddenly got a good look at her face.

"Sara!" I exclaimed realizing it was my best friend whom I'd lost contact with a long while ago. I'd always regretted not getting her phone number.

"Hi, Frank!" she squealed smiling at me. I blushed when I remembered I used to have a crush on her before I turned gay.

"So, how you been?" I asked her grinning happily.

"I've been great, and what about you, you look great," she smiled at me politely.

"As always," I joked with a smirk on my face, I felt just like I did in old times.

"I was just trying to be polite, Frank, I didn't really mean it," she smirked.

"I'm offended," I placed a hand over my chest.

She grinned, laughed lightly, and then she stood up straight and brushed down her shirt, "So what have you been up to?"

"Oh," I rubbed the back of my neck, "I'm kind of- uh, in a band."

"No kidding!" she exclaimed, I'd always remembered Sara as an excitable one, "what's your bands name?"

"My Chemical Romance," I said quickly. Ever since we got famous I'd been kind of awkward telling people what I did for a living.

Her eyes widened, "Wow!" She breathed.

"So," I decided to change the subject, "what do you do?"

Sara grinned proudly, "I'm an architect and a full time mommy." She laughed.

"Now, that's wow," I grinned at her. "So, what's the baby called?"

"Her name's Francesca, she's three," Sara smiled her eyes seemed distant as if she was imagining holding the kid right then.

"Which reminds me, I need to get home, her baby-sitter is, like, fourteen and I need to drive her home."

"Oh, okay," my face fell, I was disappointed.

"Aw, Frank don't look so sad," she pinched my cheek between her finger and thumb lightly.

"Hey," I frowned, "I'm not your kid."

"You're still small though," she laughed before grabbing a napkin and pen out of her pocket. Sara scribbled down her number and handed it to me. "If you ever want to get in touch sometime then just call," she smiled before walking out the hall doors her long brown hair drifting behind her.

Just after she left Gerard came up behind me and tapped my shoulder.

"Frankie's got a girlfriend," he sang childishly.

"Have not," I stuck my tongue out at him.

"If you did I wouldn't be happy now, would I?" he frowned, "well…shall we go?"

"Can we have sex when we get back?" I asked hopefully.

He chuckled, "If you're a good boy."

I whooped and skipped out the door.