Stay With Me

I hadn’t got any sleep last night, I spent hours on end crying over the pain in my body and the unthinkable that Josh had just done to me. “Morning” Josh yawned wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me into him. I stayed silent hoping he would think I was asleep, “I’m sorry about yesterday. I was a bit rough”. More tears made their way down my face, I sniffled slightly allowing Josh to know I was away, great. He turned me around so I was facing him and gasped when he saw my face. “Your eyes are so red and puffy baby. Stop crying” He whispered running his fingers through my hair softly.

“Get off me” I cried pathetically.

“I’m so sorry” He murmured, I looked up into his eyes and saw they held guilt and sorrow. “I didn’t know what I was doing. I was angry, I would have never hurt you like that on purpose. Are you going to tell anyone?” he asked. I frowned and pulled out of his arms, I shivered as I lost the heat from his body.

“Is that the reason you’re being nice to me? Because you don’t want me to tell anyone that you raped me Josh!”

“No Lauren, it’s not. I honestly care about you for god’s sake! I didn’t mean to do what I did last night. It just happened and I’m sorry. I really am sorr-”

“Yeah but Josh ,it’s not just about you doing all that against my will, it’s the fact you keep physically hurting me as well! I don’t want to be in an abusive relationship. Especially if I don’t get a choice to walk away” I interrupted, Josh looked at the floor his cheeks becoming a slight red. He was embarrassed over the way he’s been acting. Bloody good as well.

I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, my makeup was running down my face and the dress was slightly ripped from what Josh had done last night. I pulled the broken dress off my body and threw it on the floor. I stepped into the shower and slowly started to wash away my makeup wishing it would wipe away the love I had for Josh too. Once I had cleaned myself up as much as possible, I jumped out the shower and pulled on a large hoodie I had stolen from Matt and a pair of Max’s grey sweat pants. I look hot. Haha, I’m joking I look like shit. I quickly towel dried my hair before brushing my teeth and walking out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. Josh was sitting on the bed which his head in his hands... crying. Oh god.

I hesitantly walked over to him and perched myself next to him on the bed. “I am so sorry” He cried not even looking up from his hands. I hated seeing people cry.

“It’s okay Josh” I whispered, my voice wasn’t reassuring at all. How could it be reassuring? It wasn’t okay at all, I was an emotional wreck because of him. “I forgive you” I sighed. Stop it Lauren! He doesn’t deserve your kindness anymore.

“It’s not though is it? I fucking hurt you again! Why can’t I just stop for god’s sake!” He sobbed getting up and running out of my room. Oh, well at least he ran away for once.

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I paced down stairs, cringing every once in a while at the pain in my body, and into the living room which was occupied by Dan, Max, Matt and Chris. “Is that mine?” Matt asked staring at the hoodie I was wearing.

“No...” I grinned sitting down next to Max and curling into his side, he wrapped an arm around my waist and gave me a small peck on the head which went unnoticed by all the guys except for Chris. What a surprise.

“Slag” He muttered under his breath.

“Excuse me?”

“Nice weather we’re having” Chris smiled sarcastically at me, I gave a fake smile back and rolled my eyes before snuggling into Max more. He may be a skinny bastard but got was he comfy. “Where’s Josh? Did you kill him in your lair?” Chris questioned a frown on his face.

“He’s crying upstairs” I mumbled, everyone turned to look at me, even Max. They gave me questioning looks and I shrugged before turning back to the TV. The guys didn’t look away, they continued to stare at me obviously expecting me to explain why their best friend was in a state. “Something happened last night. I don’t want to talk about it so don’t ask” I whispered feeling the tears coming to my eyes.

“Our best friends upstairs crying! I think we deserve to know” Dan yelled, that guy just turned scary. I leaned back into Max more hoping his skinny body would absorb me or something stupid like that.

“I fucking raped her!” Josh cried pushing the door open, his face was a mess and his hair was all over the place. I pulled out of Max’s arms and went to leave the room but was grabbed my Josh. “I am so sorry” He pleaded, I shook him off me and stared at him wondering what to do.

“It’s okay Josh”

“No it’s not! Stop saying that! It’s not okay! It never will be okay!” He yelled, I cowered away from him slightly, he noticed what I was doing and instantly tears started falling out of his eyes again. “I am so, so sorry” He whimpered sliding down the door. I fell down next to him and put my hand on his knee gently, he stared up at me through his eyelashes “I’m so sorry”. I put my hand on his cheek and leaned forward pressing my lips against his softly, his eyelids fluttered closed and he kissed me back lightly. When we pulled back I rested my forehead against his.

“I said it was okay. Let’s just not talk about it ever again okay?”. Josh nodded his head and then rested it on my shoulder while I ran my fingers through his hair. After about five minutes I heard Josh’s breathing shallow and light snores come out of his mouth. I couldn’t help but giggle which grabbed the attention of Max and Dan. Dan smiled at the sight whereas Max glared and turned away.