Lean a Little Bit Closer
Gotta Plan for Being Restless for Now
I stood there, feeling like a small child as the boy who's heart I'd broken stared down at me with darkened eyes.
"What do you want to talk about, John?" I asked him, my shoulders tensing up. I wrapped my arms around myself carefully.
"Can you tell me what we are now?" His voice was low, but forceful.
"We broke up, John," I mumbled, my eyes drifting down to my feet.
"Really? Because I was under the impression that we just took a break while I went on tour," he spat bitterly, and I flinched a little at the tone of his voice. John had never directed his anger at me in all the time I'd known him, so it was quite startling.
"I just figured you wouldn't want to get back together--" I started, but he cupped my face in both of his hands and stared at me hard.
"What would ever make you think that?" He frowned, rubbing his thumbs across my cheeks and all over my face. I shrugged. "You broke my heart the day I left Tempe. But I bet you already figured that out, didn't you?"
I sighed, breaking eye contact with him.
"I thought so," he mumbled, letting go of my face and stepping back.
"What do you want from me, John? An apology? To get out of your life and never come back? Because I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do," I said exasperatedly. The tall boy looked down at me, his expression blank for the few seconds before he pulled me against his chest.
"Dillon, all I want is to have you in my life. I felt what it was like to lose you once this summer, and I hope I never have to feel that again. It was complete torture," John said into my hair. I gripped his shirt tightly in my hands, trying to control my breathing.
"How can you be sure I won't break your heart again?" I asked hesitantly. I felt him shrug.
"I can't. But that's what love is about, right? Taking risks."
I stepped away from him carefully. "Okay, then let me rephrase this. What if I don't trust myself not to break your heart again?"
He grabbed both of my hands in his, a pleading look in his eyes. "I just want you back, Dillon. I don't care if you hurt me, I really don't. All I need to know is that you'll be in my life, and I can handle anything you may throw at me."
I shook my head, tears pricking my eyes. "I can't promise that though, John."
I watched his face fall as he let go of my hands, and I felt my heart shattering all over again like it did three months ago.
"Well...I guess all I can say is that you know where to find me, Dillon. I'll be waiting for the day you change your mind," he mumbled, turning and walking towards the house. I watched his retreating back for a few moments, then took off towards the driveway. I went around the side of the house, deciding to avoid Mrs. O'Callaghan and Ross, and got in my car quickly. I hesitated once before I put the key in the ignition and turned the car on, but then I backed out of the driveway, giving one last glance to the O'Callaghan house before driving off down the street.
"What do you want to talk about, John?" I asked him, my shoulders tensing up. I wrapped my arms around myself carefully.
"Can you tell me what we are now?" His voice was low, but forceful.
"We broke up, John," I mumbled, my eyes drifting down to my feet.
"Really? Because I was under the impression that we just took a break while I went on tour," he spat bitterly, and I flinched a little at the tone of his voice. John had never directed his anger at me in all the time I'd known him, so it was quite startling.
"I just figured you wouldn't want to get back together--" I started, but he cupped my face in both of his hands and stared at me hard.
"What would ever make you think that?" He frowned, rubbing his thumbs across my cheeks and all over my face. I shrugged. "You broke my heart the day I left Tempe. But I bet you already figured that out, didn't you?"
I sighed, breaking eye contact with him.
"I thought so," he mumbled, letting go of my face and stepping back.
"What do you want from me, John? An apology? To get out of your life and never come back? Because I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do," I said exasperatedly. The tall boy looked down at me, his expression blank for the few seconds before he pulled me against his chest.
"Dillon, all I want is to have you in my life. I felt what it was like to lose you once this summer, and I hope I never have to feel that again. It was complete torture," John said into my hair. I gripped his shirt tightly in my hands, trying to control my breathing.
"How can you be sure I won't break your heart again?" I asked hesitantly. I felt him shrug.
"I can't. But that's what love is about, right? Taking risks."
I stepped away from him carefully. "Okay, then let me rephrase this. What if I don't trust myself not to break your heart again?"
He grabbed both of my hands in his, a pleading look in his eyes. "I just want you back, Dillon. I don't care if you hurt me, I really don't. All I need to know is that you'll be in my life, and I can handle anything you may throw at me."
I shook my head, tears pricking my eyes. "I can't promise that though, John."
I watched his face fall as he let go of my hands, and I felt my heart shattering all over again like it did three months ago.
"Well...I guess all I can say is that you know where to find me, Dillon. I'll be waiting for the day you change your mind," he mumbled, turning and walking towards the house. I watched his retreating back for a few moments, then took off towards the driveway. I went around the side of the house, deciding to avoid Mrs. O'Callaghan and Ross, and got in my car quickly. I hesitated once before I put the key in the ignition and turned the car on, but then I backed out of the driveway, giving one last glance to the O'Callaghan house before driving off down the street.