A Melody, a Memory

Five Months Later

I sat on the bus half hungover and attempting to take a nap while we made our way to D.C, which would be our last stop in the tour. Nothing interesting had happened in the last few months. We had been on tour for almost two months now and all I thought about was my bed.

Keri moved back to Napa. As a matter of fact the last time I had seen her was the day after the party. I didn’t even bother to say good bye.

She was gone.

Another chapter that had finished (or been erased).

I was just trying slowly to forget things like she had done so I could get over her. Hopefully it would be easy.

“You know I’d fuck around with him but he’s still bummed out.” I heard Jimmy say.

I would have said something but it would be interesting to hear what they had to say.

“He acts like he’s not.” Matt scoffed. “How are you going to be ok about your girl moving, after she says she doesn’t remember anything and that she doesn’t want to be with you?”

“That’s just Bri.” Zacky sighed.

Five months and everybody was convinced that I wasn’t over her but they were partially wrong for now.

Oh well then.

Keri’s POV

I sat on the stool looking at the same blank white canvas I had been facing for the past five months. Not only had I now been able to paint, I haven’t been able to sketch or anything that had to do with art.

My head was freakishly empty. Every time I picked up a brush or a pen, I lost everything.

“I’m going to the store do you want anything?” Mike asked peaking his head in.

“No.” I sighed keeping my eyes on the canvas.

It bugged me. Seeing the perfect, non used, white canvas. It bugged me because it was almost like a reminder to me that I had forgotten everything and now everything was all white.

In that way the canvas made me angry.

Frustrated.

Something had to be done to this canvas immediately. I got up and went into my cabinet getting my bowl and putting black paint into the bowl then grabbing my brush. I sat back on the stool and started to paint the whole canvas black. It wasn’t much of anything but it seemed less blank.

After completely panting the whole canvas black I groaned knowing I was getting no where and decided that I was done for the day (possibly a while) with panting, let alone art it’s self.

The rest of the day was uneventful, I ended up doing nothing (as in cleaning my already clean room and watching TV with Max).

Before I had gotten ready to go to be Melinda had done her daily (sometimes bi- daily) calling.

“You should come visit sometime, the guys are on tour and I have nobody to be with when I’m bored.” She explained.

“Maybe. I’ll come soon. I haven’t had anything to do lately either.”

“So how are the pieces going?”

Melinda’s mom had an art gallery and she had asked me to do a few pieces for a showcase she was having which was why I needed to do something to that now black canvas.

“I’m working on them.” I muttered.

I needed ten pieces done in two months. I originally had four months but I hadn’t gotten anything out of it.

“Ok, I have faith in you and so does mom but I’m going to bed so I’ll talk to you later.” She sighed.

“Ok, bye.”

“Bye.”

Going to bed seemed like a good idea and maybe it would help me get an idea of what I want to do. I hung up the phone and cut the light off and listened to the rain that had just begun to fall.

About another two hours later I was still looking at my ceiling like I was when I had decided to go to sleep. I couldn’t shut my eyes. If I did then I’d just open them again.

I sighed and then out of nowhere felt another migraine.

~#~

”I don’t know why I agreed to let you take me here.” I sighed on the plane. “You are going to be working half of the time.”

“Keri, don’t worry, I promise that while we are here we will spend time together. I didn’t drag you here for nothing.” He said.

We were flying to Brazil. I didn’t want to go but Brian insisted that I’d go even though he was going to go so they could do a few shows and interviews and all that jazz.

The only reason I didn’t want to go was because it wouldn’t be Brian and I. It’d be Brian, Matt, Jimmy, Johnny, Zacky and then oh yeah, me. He was claiming that this was making up for the anniversary a last week. The only time I had spoken to him was when he asked and all I said was fine.

I guess I was still mad because after that, things stayed the same. I rarely saw him. I was also mad because I had actually wanted to tell him that I loved him. Yeah we had been together for one year but we’ve never said it, it’s always been something that was implied.

I put my headphones in my ear and rested my head on the window ignoring his last statement.

“Keri, look at me please.” He pleaded.

I ignored him and turned Pantera up in my headphones until my left one was taken out of my ear.

“Can you leave me alone right now?” I asked.

“No Keri. I’m not leaving you alone, I’ve been doing that enough and I want you to know I’m sorry.”

“Whatever.” I muttered putting my earphone back in.

~#~

I lay in the hotel bed by myself almost half asleep. Of course the guys had to perform tonight and I didn’t feel like going so I just stayed in the room and drew the whole night.

I heard the door open but I didn’t move.

“Keri?”

I shifted my weight a little but didn’t answer as he cut the light on and sat next to me.

“I know you are up.”

Silence.

“Ok if you want talk I will.” He started as he began to turn me over. “But I want to look at you when I do talk to you.”

I stayed in my position folding my arms as he turned me over to look at him. “Ker, lately I have done nothing but fuck everything up and I’m sorry beyond anything.”

I sighed and tried to turn back around but he stopped me. “I’m not done and I know I’ve said this a dozen times. I know you still care because you are here with me now so don’t act like you don’t.”

“Whatever Brian.” I rolled my eyes.

“It’s not whatever. Look what I’m trying to say is… Keralean Patricia Salvatore- Matterson I love you.”

I knew it was the truth for a few reasons. For one he used my full name and not just Keri. It was also because of his eyes. They were sincere and… I just saw it. Just because we had been implying it over the past few months it didn’t mean I had no reason to be sure. But I was sure.

“I love you too.”

~#~

I got out of my bed as an idea popped into my head. I headed straight to my room. I flicked the light on without needing my eyes to adjust. I closed the door so I wouldn’t wake Mike up.

I was sure but I also wasn’t sure about where this sudden spark of idealism came to mind. I mixed the paint trying to keep the idea in my head. I wouldn’t admit it but…

He was becoming my inspiration.