A Melody, a Memory

Nothing interesting happened a few weeks after that. I went to Napa for thanksgiving but other than that nothing was going on just yet. In between being reminded of who I was and what I did, Jimmy, Melinda and I were planning Zacky’s request surprise party.

Melinda (and everybody else) wanted Brian and I to be “back” together but we both said no. I didn’t know how he really felt about it but I knew I would live.

“Now back to the party. You, Jimmy and I are going to work on the party tonight so after we close everything we are going to his house.” Melinda said scratching her scarf which was on her head as we sat on the floor writing out how she wanted to re arrange the store.

“I have a doctor’s appointment so I’ll be back.” I said getting up and grabbing my bag.

~!~

“How is your shoulder?” The doctor started when she had began to look at me.

“It’s better.” I said. I never felt pain in my wrist or shoulder but I still had to wear a brace for my wrist.

“Wrist? Ribs?”

“My ribs don’t hurt as much either. It’s just a dull pain and my wrist is fine.”

“Ok that’s good. Your ribs should be fine in a week or two but I’m going to give you a weaker pain killer for that, you only have to take it once a day.” She said writing the prescription. “Is your head any better?”

“Yeah it’s fine.” I nodded knowing I was going to have to take another X- ray some time during this check up.

“Do you remember anything?”

“I’ve been trying to.” I sighed annoyed. “Some things are coming back to me a little.”

That question had been getting old. ‘Do you remember anything’? It didn’t really help at all. My answer was always going to be the same.

“Ok, well I want to do a few more tests to make sure everything is ok.” She smiled closing my book like folder.

Just as Dr. Bennington had said that her pager went off. “I’m sorry can you hold on for a few minutes? I have an emergency.” She said.

“Sure.” I nodded. I wasn’t really in a hurry to go to Jimmy’s or anywhere really.

As she left I sat staring at my records. I couldn’t help but to think about what did happen to me in the last four years? I remember it being thick but thinner at the same time.

I got off the table and went to look at it. It’s my body, I should be entitled to know what happened to myself. I looked through most of the check up papers and in between there were my normal incidents. Asthma attacks, allergy problems, some injuries that weren’t that big of a deal. I looked at one of the most recent papers from the accident and saw only one word on the filled page.

Miscarriage.

~!~

I was pregnant?

I couldn’t stop thinking about it on the way to Jimmy’s house. The thing I wanted to know the most is who knew and if they did know why didn’t they tell me.

I pulled into Jimmy’s drive way and when I got to the door I had known his door was open. As I walked in and locked the door to prevent any future occurrences I heard something break and Jimmy shout mother fucker and Melinda laugh.

“What the hell was that?” I asked concerned as I walked into the kitchen.

“There was a spider.” Melinda laughed. “So he jumped and dropped his glass on an accident also killing the spider.” She explained. “It wasn’t even that big though.” She said to him.

“To you! That little fucker was vicious!”

“You’re only saying that to hide the fact that you just acted like a little bitch.” Melinda scoffed.

“I’m sorry I killed a member of your family.” He said putting his hands up in defense.

I rolled as the two began to bicker back and forth causing me to think about when they had been introduced to each other. It was fuzzy but I remembered.

~!~

”I hope you are right about these guys.” Melinda said when I had pulled up into the studio.

I was going to sit around with the guys while they recorded and I dragged Melinda along with me. I had thought that Brian and I had been dating long enough to where Melinda could talk to him more.

We both got out of the car and as we did we walked and saw Jimmy screaming at his car.

“Somebody forgot their meds…” Melinda murmured a little scared of him.

“Jimmy are you ok?” I asked.

“I’m fine.” He smiled as if nothing happened. “Who’s the red?” He asked pointing towards Melinda.

“Jimmy this is Melinda, Melinda this is Jimmy.” I said as they shook hands giving each other face off looks.

“Would it be rude to say I don’t like you?” He asked.

“No because I can say the same.” She stated in the same tone as him while they continued to shake hands.

I rolled my eyes knowing how alike they were.

~!~

“Keri!” Melinda said as Jimmy snapped his fingers in front of my face.

“Huh?” I asked.

“Your attention span is smaller than Jimmy’s dick-“

“How would you know!” He defended.

“I don’t it’s probably true though. What’s wrong, you seem distant.” She asked a little worried.

“It’s just… did I ever tell you guys anything important or life changing even?” I asked getting irritated at the fact that for the past few hours I’ve been going over it in my head.

Melinda and Jimmy thought to themselves. “No.” They said at the same time. “Why?” They said once again at the same time.

I sighed thinking about if I should tell them or not. “I went to the doctor and looked at my record and it said I was pregnant.” I said fast.

“You were pregnant and you didn’t tell me?” Melinda said.

“I don’t know Melinda!” I said slumping into my seat. “Look, I’m confused, and I’m going insane right now so I’m going home.” I said calmly grabbing my satchel and leaving without saying bye.

(From what I remember) I never really snapped unless it was something big. I seriously had no idea who I was anymore. My whole life wasn’t whipped away but it felt like it. I had to be reminded what I did, how I acted and every other aspect of my life.

I didn’t want to ask anybody what went on in my mind. I should know. I couldn’t take not knowing who I was. It was too much for me.

I just wanted one summary of anything I don’t remember.

One summary that took up only a memory.