Blanket of Fear

Eliza was still fuming mad an hour after she’d left the bedroom. She couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that, yet again, Zacky was shutting her out. She knew that it might be immature of her, and she knew that chances were, he was indeed keeping things to himself because of her safety. But that didn’t matter to Eliza. It pissed her off that she didn’t know what he knew. It pissed her off that everyone but her seemed to know at least a small portion of what was going on.

Even Johnny knew something was up, and the guys didn’t tell him anything anymore. Leigh could also tell that something was going to happen. Well, actually, Eliza wasn’t sure that the girl knew what was going on. Johnny’s girlfriend had warned her that some serious shit was going to happen; that her, Zack, and all of the others she now considered her family were in danger. Eliza had thought it was kind of creepy, but like Zack and the others, she just chalked it up to one too many sick experiments performed by Sean.

She was now sitting in the back yard again, watching Harlow and Sparrow play with Macaille and Jagger in the cool grass that was slowly becoming overgrown. She hated the fact that she couldn’t have little kids of her own. She knew that she was young, and that wanting to be a parent at nineteen years old was probably stupid. But for her entire life, all she’d really wanted was a chance to have the kind of family her parents had never given her. She wanted a kid or two to be able to love; to show the world. She wanted that, and she wanted it with Zacky. She wasn’t so sure she’d ever get it, though. And that only made watching the kids that much more painful.

She heard someone walking up behind her, and she turned her head to see Leana walking towards her. The brunette gave her a friendly smile before sitting on the grass next to her. Eliza watched her tuck some of her hair behind her ear, and she knew that Jimmy’s wife had come to say something to her. She wondered if Zack had sent her to try and calm her down, but she realized it didn’t matter if he did. Right now, nothing was going to calm her down.

“They’re precious, aren’t they?” Leana asked as she looked out at the kids, pulling her knees up and resting her chin on them. Eliza couldn’t help but smile, and then nodded as she sighed.

“They are,” she answered. Leana seemed to be in thought for a few moments, and Eliza could tell that it was one of those times that she was trying to think out the conversation before she’d say anything. She didn’t say a word, and then finally, Eliza heard Leana begin to speak to her.

“Sometimes, I miss being that little,” she admitted, turning to look at Eliza with a small smile. “Look at them, El,” she continued, turning her gaze back to the kids. Eliza wondered where her friend was going with this, but she didn’t say anything as she looked out at Harlow and Sparrow. The two of them were absolutely adorable, and she could understand why Leana would miss being that age.

“They’re so free and spirited,” Leana continued, closing her eyes before she opened them to look at the kids again. “At that age, the worst that can happen to you is a scraped knee. And even then, they’re able to run to Mommy, and she kisses it all better. And then nothing’s wrong anymore. They go and play again like it never happened. Don’t you miss that, Eliza?”

Eliza thought about it, and then nodded slowly, still unsure of where Leana was going with this. “I do miss it sometimes, I guess,” she muttered. She didn’t know what else she was supposed to say; she knew that Leana was trying to make a point, so all she could really do at this point was listen and try to catch the meaning in the brunette’s words.

“When you’re their age, there’s no real destruction in the world. They don’t see the chaos around us; they don’t sense the same fear that we do. They’re completely innocent of everything, and they keep on playing like the only thing in the world that matters is how many laughs they can get out in a day. The names of the world’s terrorists don’t mean anything to them. There isn’t a news channel to flip on and see dead soldiers and missing teens; they just watch Barney and learn about their ABCs and little things that don’t really matter.”

“Yeah,” Eliza said, watching the kids. Leana didn’t say anything else as the two of them watched them playing. Several minutes passed, and the only thing that could be heard was the slight swaying of some tree branches and the rustling of the grass beneath them.

“But some kids,” Leana continued, a sad look on her face. “Some kids don’t have it that way. Some kids grow up watching the world fall apart at the seams. Some kids grow up with death, and they see pain. They don’t know what laughter is. They don’t know what being a kid is about. They don’t know ignorance, and they don’t know innocence. Tell me, Eliza, is that right?”

“No.”

There was no hesitation in Eliza’s answer. She still didn’t know where her friend was going with this, but things were making a little bit more sense now than they had earlier to her. Leana nodded at her, and then sighed as she looked out at the kids playing again.

“That’s the parents’ fault, wouldn’t you agree? It’s a parent’s job to keep the innocence alive in their children for as long as possible, right?” Leana asked her softly. “It’s up to the parents to make sure their children grow up feeling unafraid; that they’re ignorant, to a point, of all the death and destruction? Things a kid has no need to know about?”

“Yeah. I agree,” Eliza answered her friend. Leana chuckled a little bit under her breath, and then turned so that she was facing Eliza. Now, there was no doubt in Eliza’s mind that the woman was trying to tell her something.

“I know that Zack isn’t your parent, Eliza. And I know that your innocence is long since gone, and that you don’t like being ignorant. But Zacky? He’s doing for you what Nicole and Joel do for their kids, and what Jacoby and Kelly do for Macaille and Jagger. He’s trying to make sure that you’re safe.”

Eliza sighed, shaking her head as she looked down at the grass. She didn’t like the fact that she’d been agreeing with Leana all along, because now, she saw the logic in Zacky’s decision to keep things from her. She saw that he was only doing what was best for her.

“That’s not the same, Le,” Eliza shook her head as she looked up at her friend. “You said it yourself. I’m not Zacky’s child. It’s not his responsibility to keep me out of the loop and protected from whatever it is that he’s holding back.”

“No, it’s not,” Leana agreed with her. “But he took it upon himself to make it his responsibility because he loves you. He wants to keep you safe, just like Jimmy wants to keep me safe. Neither of us knows what’s going on, Eliza, but you’ve got to realize that even if you want to know what’s going on, you need to let this go for now.”

Eliza sighed, looking down at the grass again. She heard a slight squeal and watched as Harper fell down to the ground, and then smiled when Nicole ran to her daughter’s aid to make sure she was alright. She could understand Nicole’s protective instinct for Harlow, but did that meant she could understand Zack’s protective instinct over her?

She wanted more than anything to take some of the weight off of his shoulders. She knew that sometimes, it got far too heavy for him to bear. She could see the fatigue in his eyes, and sometimes, there was nothing he could do but lay there like he was dead and just try to sleep, even though his mind was far too busy. Listening to Leana, she realized that Zacky was trying to stop that from happening to her. He wasn’t treating her like a criminal, like she’d accused him of doing.

He was saving her sanity.

“Do you understand now?” Leana asked, looking up at Eliza with a small smile. Eliza sighed, and then nodded. She could understand now. She didn’t like it, and she was still upset. But she could accept it.

“Yeah,” she told her friend. “I understand.”