Jayden's Guitar

People talk about death like it’s really nothing at all. They do it with out noticing it too. They throw around phrases like ‘I nearly died laughing.’, ‘I would kill for…’. Sometimes people threaten another to ‘Go die’. I would know, because I’ve done it before, every single one of them, countless times.

As I hit the end button to the call, tears were welling up in my eyes. I started to pace back and forth in the tiny room I had once called my own. May was dead and I would be raising our child soon, in the matter of two days. I kept hearing the woman’s voice in my head who told me she was dead.

It can’t be.

May can’t be dead.

But she is, May is dead.

I started to sob as I sunk into the floor. I put my head in my hands and let out every emotion I had every felt. The tears were coming nonstop and I didn’t see them stopping anytime soon. I heard my mother call my name from downstairs. I wiped my eyes and tried my hardest not to continue to cry as I made my way down the stairs.

When I reached the kitchen I noticed that my aunt and uncle had arrived. Everyone was standing at the island. When they saw me, they all gasped.

“Jace?” My mom asked. My eyes had to be red and puffy. My face was probably the color of a rose from my lack of breathing.

“M-mom, dad. I ne-need to tell you something.”

“Is everything okay?” My uncle asked.

I shook my head, and tried to think of a way to start. I turned my back to them and took a breath. My hands were on the top of my head as I felt the tears come pouring out again, and I turned back around.

“Y-you both remember May, and that situation?” I asked. They all nodded. “M-May, she,” I took a breath again, trying my hardest to stay together. “May died. In a car accident a few weeks ago. Her son, our son, Jayden was brought to child services and they searched for family records. They came across that I was the father.

“Mom and Dad, I am going to go home tomorrow. I feel horrible. I came here, looking for a family time and I am going home a day after I arrive. But I agreed to raise Jayden. They’re bringing him to my apartment in two days. I have to go home! I need to get everything worked out. I am sorry, it’s so last minute but I didn’t expect it and I need to raise this boy.”

By now, about ten more family members had trickled into the kitchen. Everyone was standing there, staring at me. Their mouths were hanging open and they were wide eyed. Tears were coming out of Mom’s eyes too.

She held her arms out and motioned for me to come to her. I gladly did and felt myself crumple in her arms. We were both sobbing and gasping for air as we hugged. I wasn’t sure what everyone else in the room were doing, if anyone had decided to stay in here. Mom and I stayed like for about fifteen minutes.

When we did pull away she looked me straight in my eye, “Jace, if this what you feel you have to do, I am not going to stop you. I think it’s great that you’re willing to take this all in. But are you sure you want to? What about the band?”

I sighed and ran a hand through my messy locks, “I can’t want this Mom! I have to do this. I don’t have a choice here. He’s my son and he needs at least one parent in his life. I know I screwed up big time all those years ago when May was pregnant. But I need to work this out. The band and I will figure something out. I am sure we will.”

She nodded and planted a kiss on my forehead. I started to walk away but stopped mid-doorway.

“M-Mom?” I asked as I turned around

“Yes, Jace?” She was wiping away her tears.

“Do you think you can fly home with me? I am going to need some help.”

Her smile was soft and her eyes, not only sad, but a bit relieved. “Of course, Jace.”

I went to say ‘Thank You’ but my phone started to ring again and I tried to smile. I walked out the front door and into the driveway as I answered the unknown call.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Jace, it’s Peter, May’s brother?” It wasn’t much a statement as it was a question. He wanted to know if I still remember him. Of course, I remember Peter. He was her only sibling. Her older brother. He never liked me, he always said that I wasn’t good for her. He was wrong, so very, very wrong.

“Peter,” I breathed, “I am so, sorry. I just got the call about Ma-” He cut me off.

“That’s why I am calling. I wanted to tell you that the child services called us after they called you. We want to thank you for saying you’ll talk Jayden in with you. But, truthfully, we don’t think it’s the best of ideas.” He explained.

He wanted to tell me that I couldn’t raise my own child? Who was he to tell me this?

“And why would that be?” I snapped.

I heard him sigh, “He just lost his mother. He was in the car when it happened. Don’t you think it would be a better idea for him to come and live with us? The family he knows? Not the father that he never knew? Not the father that was too ‘afraid’ to raise his child?”

I tried to keep calm and not blow up at him, even though I had always wanted to. “Peter, every child needs a parent in their lives. Just because I wasn’t ready back then doesn’t mean I am not now. I am, he’s coming to live with me. You can not do anything about it. Okay?”

I heard him scoff, “How’s he going to grow up? On a tour bus? He’s not going to get a life!”

“He will get a life. And maybe, yes he will grow up on tour. I am going to work everything out. If he decides in a few years that he doesn’t want to live with me then so be it. You can take him and raise him. Until then, he’s going to be mine. I have to go Peter, goodbye.”

I dropped to my knees on the driveway and yelled. Probably the loudest I had in a long time. I could do this, I was willing to. I had to.

__________

The buzzer sounded at my front door. I glanced at my mom and smiled. She laughed and walked to the front door with me.

When I opened it, I saw a middle aged woman with a little boy clutching on her hand.

“Jace Peterson?” She asked.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you...”

“Betty,”

“It’s nice to meet you, Betty,” I said and extended my hand toward her. She nodded and walked through the front door, pulling Jayden’s bags with her. I nodded and pulled my hand back in. My mom and Betty walked into the kitchen to go over papers and things that I would too later.

Jayden stood awkwardly at the doorway. His hair was blonde and was close to covering his eyes. It was just above his shoulders, covering all of his neck but nothing more. The only thing different between our hair was our color. As I sank down to his eyes level I noticed he had the same big brown eyes May had.

“Hi Jayden, it’s nice to meet you.” My voice was soft as I spoke. He was staring at his feet, clad in a pair of navy colored converse. “Are you excited to be here?” He didn’t move, not one bit.

By now Betty and my mother were standing behind Jayden, watching us.

“He’s very shy. Give him some time to get used to you. It took about a week for us to get him to say a sentence to us. But maybe things will be different since you’re his father.” Betty explained.

I stood up and shook my head, “I doubt it, as of right now, I am still a stranger.”

My mother turned to Betty, “We’ll try our best. I am sure we can both get him somewhat warmed up.”

“I am sure you both will.” Betty noted as she stood in the doorway, ready to leave. “Goodbye Jayden!” He gave her a small wave. “It was nice meeting both of you. If you have any issues or questions we’re just a phone call away. Good luck.” She smiled warmly and then walked out, closing the door behind her.

Mom and I glanced at each other and smiled. I managed to take Jayden’s hand and lead him to his room, which we had managed to put together in a day and a half. For now, it would work. His small hand was warm and right feeling in mine. Once I got him in his room he yawned and crawled into the bed. With in minutes he was asleep and I watched him for a few minutes, wondering why I had given him up on him in the beginning.

It’s never too late.