Oh My, My, My

I am so nervous about playing this song in front of Grace tonight. I’d never been nervous around her before, I trusted her to be honest with me, even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. But I was apprehensive about hearing her opinion this time. I wrote this song about her, and now I’m second-guessing asking her to come to this particular band practice.

She used to be the annoying little sister of a cool kid named Kennedy, who became my best friend. Our parents were friends and we lived next door to one another. A lot has changed in the past ten years. She’s not so annoying now; she’s actually pretty cool. We’ve become the best of friends, she was the only person I knew would always be there one hundred and ten percent of the time; she’d never leave me.

I guess you could say she is just one of the guys, she can be kind of a tomboy. I don’t think I’ve seen her in a skirt or dress more than twice, and that was when we were younger; she wears mostly jeans and band tee’s or Kenny’s old tee shirts. She listens to most of the same music as us. I guess you could call her a ‘good girl,’ she’s always trying to stop us from doing something stupid or get us out of trouble, although we tend to drag her down with us. She’s a great listener, which is probably the biggest reason why I like her.

Yes, I like her. I’ve liked her for a while now, not that I would tell anyone that. I mean she’s my best friend’s little sister. Never going to happen! Which is why I don’t want her or her brother to hear this song. It was clearly written about her. But what if she realizes the meaning behind it? What if Kenny does? I don’t know what Grace would do but I’m pretty sure Kenny would kick my ass; his sister is the one thing he worries about in life.

We’re in our drummer Pat’s basement where most of our practices our held. I suggested we start with a few cover songs to get into the groove of things. At the end of one of the songs, Grace stands up.

“I’m going to get something to drink, anyone want anything?” she asks as she starts up the stairs. Everyone starts shouting out requests, it’s very rare that someone offers to grab refreshments; I must admit we can be a lazy bunch.

While she’s gone, I inform the guys that I have a new song I want to try out and I start playing, hesitantly at first, trying to remember the chords. When I feel like I have them right, I begin to sing softly.

“I picked you up and lifted your wilted frame into the sun. I was taken back. Yeah, I was taken back. And by the time I caught my breath, you had blossomed into something that I did not expect—

“And if it takes all night, I swear I’ll wait, for you; forever. Sunlight, sunshine, all for you my Daisy. We’re getting this before you leave, all for you my—”

I stopped singing when I noticed Grace standing at the bottom of the stairs. In the moment of silence our eyes locked before she moved further into the basement, popcorn bowl and sodas in hand.

“Umm. Pat’s mom made popcorn, here.” She laid everything out on the coffee table by the large couch. Garrett—the bassist—and Jared—guitarist—were the first to dig in, Kenny following suit.

“Hey, my mommy made that, save some for me,” Pat said as he got up from behind his drums.

While the guys dove for the snacks I peeked over at Grace who had taken a seat on the couch between Garrett and Kenny. Our eyes locked for a second time before I quickly looked away, not missing the questioning look she was giving me.

“So, John. I like the new song. What I heard of it anyway,” she was saying.

“Uhh. Thanks. I’m still working on it, and the guys don’t know it yet.” I was rushing my words and I didn’t know why. I was never awkward around Grace, she was my best friend, so why was I now?

After practice we all went our separate ways. When I got home, I did a bit of homework before I sat on my bed, guitar in hand just messing around, mostly with the new song. I was busy writing down a new idea for the lyrics when I heard a buzzing from my nightstand. I knew exactly what it was. My walkie-talkie. And I knew who was on the other end.

Grace and I bought a pair of walkie-talkies a few years ago to allow us to talk late at night. Our parents had put restrictions on our use of the house phone as well as our cell phones due to how much we talked. We talked nearly every night about anything and almost everything. We could spend hours sitting up, watching each other from our windows as we chatted on and on.

I picked up the black device and pressed the ‘talk’ button. “What’s up?” I asked casually. Swiveling my desk chair so I could look out the window. I had a perfect view of Grace’s room, which was directly across from mine.

“Getting ready for bed. I liked the new song.”

“I’m glad.”

“I just had a weird conversation with Ken. He thinks there’s something going on between us,” she said, motioning from me to herself. “Weird right?”

“Yeah. Why would he think that?” I started to panic, but held it in. I couldn’t let her know how I felt.

“He said he noticed the looks we were giving each other at band practice.” I could tell she was laughing at the idea by the tone of her voice. She thought Kenny was just being crazy.

“Oh,” was all I said in response. How do I try to explain that one? I couldn’t deny it because I had been watching her, but I wasn’t going to admit it either.

“So, who’s the lucky lady?” She changed the subject and I would have been grateful if I wasn’t confused by her question.

“What lucky lady?”

“The one you’ve been daydreaming about lately.” I watched her shake her head as her hair fell into her eyes, a smile playing on her lips as she let out a small chuckle. “You know I know you better than anyone, right? I can tell when your thinking about a girl.”

I couldn’t argue with her. She did know me pretty well. But how do I tell her the girl I’ve been ‘daydreaming’ about is her? “Oh. Right. Nobody.”

“Is something wrong?” she asked, her tone changing from lighthearted to concerned in a moment.

“No. Hey, I’ve got to go. Kenny is calling, see you tomorrow?” I asked, waving my phone in my other hand as if to show her it was ringing.

“Yeah. Night Johnny.”

"Goodnight, Daisy." I closed the white blinds, blocking my view of Grace’s window, and her view from mine. I sighed as I looked at the phone in my hands. It hadn’t been ringing as I had led Grace to believe, I just needed to end our conversation before she started asking more questions.

Even if I had gotten somewhat good at withholding information when it came to my feelings for Grace, she still knew me better than anyone and would call me on it. She knew something was up, and probably wouldn’t stop until I told her the truth. I couldn’t let that happen.

I lied on my bed, just staring at the ceiling thinking about the girl next door. Why can’t I think about anything other than her? She used to be just one of the guys. A friend. But then something changed.

It was almost a year ago. She had crawled into the tree house in my backyard when we got home from school. I had noticed something was wrong on the car ride home, but she brushed my questions away. So, after Kenny and I went our separate ways, I followed Grace up the wooden steps.

“Gracie? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said, wiping the tears on her rosy cheeks and looking up at me from her spot on the tree house’s floor. “What are you doing up here?”

She had a point; none of us came up here anymore. “I saw you come up. You were kind of quiet on the way home, I wanted to see what was up.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Bull. Come on, Grace. Tell me.” I always knew when she was lying, not to mention the fact that she never cries. She always says there is no point to crying; it only makes you look weak.

“It’s Ben,” she answered, her voice small as she looked anywhere but at me. Ben was her first real boyfriend. I had never met the boy, all I knew was that he was in the same grade as Grace. We never talked about boys. We talked about anything and everything, except boys. I didn’t know exactly what to do.

“What did he do?” I asked, suddenly worried. The thought of someone hurting Grace made me want to punch something—or someone.

After hesitating, she finally looked up, her gray eyes finding mine. “I saw him kissing Katie Williams outside of school this morning.” Her voice cracked on the last word.

I still wanted to punch something, but I couldn’t let Grace see that. She needed a friend, and I was the only one around. I pulled her into a tight hug and let her cry. She eventually fell asleep, her head in my lap. I just watched her, thinking how beautiful she was when she slept.

Dammit. Why did I have to fall for my best friend’s sister? I couldn’t let this happen.