Chasing Fireflies

Almost as if by fate, two things happened at almost exactly the same time. First, John got a call from his aunt, saying that the nurse staying with her had decided to stay through the baby’s birth. (In retrospect, I assume the real reason was that she didn’t want a group of eighteen-year olds to be the only people helping her during labor and directly after the birth.) Only a minute or two after John got off the phone with his aunt, my father called and said that the shipping company called him and said that my order was delayed, so now my clothes wouldn’t arrive in Denver for two extra days than expected.

This meant two things: 1. We had more time to road trip, which everyone was extremely excited about. 2. On the downside, I only had enough clothes to last through the rest of today.

As a group, we decided to enjoy Colorado as much as possible; instead of driving to Denver, we decided to drive to Cañon City, Colorado to go to the Royal Gorge Bridge and Park.

But first, I needed to find some clothes. We all piled into the car and Rebecca, who had decided to drive, drove to the nearest outlet mall and she, I, and Stacey went to go clothes shopping while the men checked out the music store. After half an hour of shopping, I had three new shirts, a new pair of jeans, a four-pack of underwear, and a six-pack of socks. Stacey, it turned out, was an avid shopper and Rebecca has amazing fashion sense; with the two of them helping, we had bought all of these clothes in less than half an hour. Since we had time to spare, the three of us decided to head to the music store to meet up with the guys.

“These guitars are sweet!” I heard Jared exclaim as we walked through the door to the store. As he did, he caught my eye and waved me over. Smiling, he asked, “Aren’t these guitars sweet, Laurel?” I nodded in agreement.

John walked over and told me that everyone was done shopping, but they were waiting on Pat to get back. “Where did he go?” I asked. John replied that he had gone to the grocery store and joked that it was probably to get some more Capri Suns. I laughed, but it probably came off a little dry. I excused myself, suddenly unable to be around anyone any more. Rebecca followed after me, having heard John and my’s conversation.

“Laurel,” she started, and then paused. She opened her mouth again to continue, but I interrupted her.

Almost whispering, not wanting anyone to hear, I said, “He’s right, Rebecca. There isn’t even a “probably” in there. Pat did go to the grocery store to get more Capri Suns. He’s my best friend; I know him. God, Rebecca… I don’t know if I can handle this right now. He just… he does so much for me, you know? And—”

“Laurel,” Rebecca interrupted, “You need to get a grip. I know these guys are your best friends, but they’re going to suspect something is up if you don’t stop acting like something is wrong.”

A tear fell down my cheek. I wiped it off. “I know,” I told Rebecca. “But I just don’t know if I can act natural once Pat walks through that door holding that box of Fruit Punch Capri Suns.”

“You can and you will,” said Rebecca. She grabbed a hold of my shoulders and made our eyes meet. She nodded, and then I nodded, and that was all the time I had before someone poked me in the back. I knew who it was, so I took a deep breath and turned around.

“Pat,” I said. He held up a box of Fruit Punch Capri Suns. “Thank you so much.”

Pat just smiled that beautiful smile that he reserves just me for, and as my heart began to race, said, “Anything for you, Laur.”

It was in that moment that I knew I was totally, completely, utterly, and deeply screwed.

---

“You’re making her nervous!” Rebecca exclaimed. She had previously been writing in her journal, a black leather-bound one that I was extremely envious of. She had exclaimed this almost out of nowhere, and so every person in the car (with the exception of Kennedy, who was driving) turned abruptly to look at her. “Oops. That was kind of loud. Sorry.” Rebecca looked at John. “Stacey will sing for you if she wants to. If not, then she doesn’t have to. Please don’t force her to do it, okay?”

John sighed. “Of course I won’t. I just… I’ve heard you talk about how amazing she is and I am really curious to listen to her sing. I will wait until she’s ready though; I promise I’ll stop pressuring her.”

Both Rebecca and Stacey smiled at John. “Thanks,” said Stacey. She almost whispered it, but I was slowly starting to realize that that was just her personality; she was really shy.

I glanced around the van, taking note of what everyone was up to. Rebecca had gone back to writing in her journal. Stacey was reading a book. John, Garrett, and Jared had started a round of Eye Spy (which, knowing them, would get pretty rowdy soon), and Pat was taking a nap. Kennedy was driving and I was just sitting there, staring out the window, willing desperately for my mind to stop thinking about how damn cute Pat was while he slept.

The whole thing had literally blown me away. It was like every little thing that Pat did made me fall just a little bit more in love with him. I can’t tell you just how many times Pat had spent the night at my house, had slept in my bedroom even, and not once did it ever affect me. But now… now it was like the earth had rotated, had shifted just a little bit, and that was all it had taken for my heart to allow all of my repressed feelings for Pat inside.

I was positive that now that those feelings were inside, they were never going to come back out. This was it. Pat was it. There would never be anyone else. No one else could ever compare, could ever even come close to making me feel the way Pat made me feel.

I couldn’t help but wonder if Pat felt the same way. A girl could only hope, right?

Before I knew it, we were at a rest stop. Everyone got out and after I went to the restroom, I decided to take a walk. There was a little path behind the restrooms, so I told John I was going to walk down it. As I neared the end of the path, my mind was starting to clear out. It was a good feeling, really. I took a few deep breaths, and started to turn around to head back.

“Laurel.” It was a shock, realizing that he had followed me. I had thought I was alone all this time. “I just…” He took a deep breath and let it out. “I have to get this out, or else I don’t know if I ever will. I think I’m in love with you.” And then his lips were on mine.

It felt absolutely, totally, completely, utterly, and deeply wrong.

I pulled away. I breathed out, “Garrett…”