The Roots That Tied to My Feet

“Awe! Melanie, Haley! You girls look absolutely stunning!” June O’Callaghan said sincerely. “Come in, come in.”

Melanie followed her sister into the familiar home and smiled as she smelled the scents of Christmas dinner beginning to cook. “Merry Christmas, Mama,” Melanie smiled as she pulled June into a hug.

June grinned and pulled away, tucking some of Melanie’s hair behind her ear. “You too, hun. Come on, the rest of the women are in the kitchen.”

Melanie took off her coat and hung it on the rack before following June into the O’Callaghan’s large kitchen. She smiled and took a seat next to her mother at the island, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Morning, Mommy.”

“Morning, darling.”

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Little Melanie Hendricks,” Melanie heard from behind her. The voice was aging and sweet. It was smaller than it used to be but it still held the same gentle tone. Melanie turned around before wrapping John’s grandma into a tight embrace.

“Nana!” She exclaimed holding the woman tight. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

The small woman gave a lighthearted grin, “Ever since John passed I have been able to go visit family more. He was always in the hospital you know.”

Melanie squeezed her shoulder lightly, “Well, I’m very glad you’re here. I haven’t seen you since high school.”

“I know! And goodness gracious, how did you get more beautiful?”

Melanie involuntarily blushed, “Thanks, Nana.”

“Mel, do you want to help me with these pies?” June asked from across the room. She shook her head yes and walked over to where the woman was. She took cans of pumpkin filling and started placing them on the homemade pie crusts. She used chocolate pudding, apples, and raspberries before putting each of them into the fridge to stay cool.

“Where is my eldest grandson at?” Nana asked as she walked back into the kitchen after saying hello to the rest of the families.

“He’s picking up a new lady friend,” June smiled at her mother.

Melanie inwardly groaned; she really just wanted to spend the day alone with her best friend—just like old times. They would watch A Christmas Story and then, How the Grinch Stole Christmas during the day. They would wrap one of John’s brothers in wrapping paper and deliver him to a random person on the block and then their families would open presents together before John played his yearly Christmas song.

Melanie’s phone began vibrating in her back pocket and she opened it, pressing it to her ear. “Merry Christmas, handsome,” she smiled.

“Mmm, Merry Christmas, love,” Ben said and she could hear him smiling as well. “What are you up to, beautiful?”

“I am helping my mother and John’s with Christmas dinner. What about you?” She asked as she began peeling sweet potatoes.

“I am sitting on the couch trying not to throw up after all of that delicious food my mom made,” Ben laughed. “It’s like ten at night here.”

“It’s ten in the morning here,” Melanie chuckled.

“Stupid time difference. I can’t even Skype with my girlfriend because when she’s done eating dinner I will be in a food induced coma,” He laughed and Melanie felt her heart tighten; she really missed Ben.

“How’s the trip?” Melanie asked, holding the phone between her shoulder and ear.

“I miss home, as in Seattle, but I do love it here. It’s nice to go back to your roots I suppose. I’m going back to my home town tomorrow with Em to visit her family. I haven’t seen them in forever, they were like my second home. “

She felt as jealously and nervousness washed into her stomach but then she reminded herself to trust him. Ben had never done anything against her trust. “Baby, I love you,” she cooed softly, reminding him just in case.

“Melanie, I love you more than life itself, honey. And, I miss you dearly, but I am afraid I have to go. My mum has just put out desert and that pie is calling my name,” Ben laughed. “I love you, I love you, I love, love, love, love, you.”

Melanie giggled, “I love you too, Benny Boo.”

He chuckled, “I’ll give you a call tomorrow?”

“You better,” she grinned. “Bye, honey.”

“Bye baby doll.”

Melanie placed her phone back in her pocket and stared down at the yams she was baking so no one would see the blush high on her cheeks. “Now who was that?” Nana exclaimed from behind the girl.

She laughed and turned around, holding up her ring finger, “My fiancée.”

Nana raised an eyebrow, “Fiancé? What about—

“I’m home!”

Melanie and the rest of the women turned to the kitchen entrance where John was gallivanting in, Lucy attached to his hand. He walked straight up to his grandmother and introduced the women. Nana’s eyes slipped from Melanie’s and surveyed Lucy as she smiled and hugged the girl. Nana really was the sweetest woman Melanie had ever met; she had the biggest heart and loved everyone.

“Hey girl,” Melanie smiled as she hugged Lucy.

“Hey,” she smiled nervously tucking her blonde hair behind her ear.

John pulled Melanie into a tight hug and kissed the crown of her head, “Merry Christmas, Melly. Now, Lucy, you need to meet my brothers!”

John and Lucy exited the room and went to go find the rest of the O’Callaghans as Melanie turned back to the meal she was preparing. John the fourth soon walked into the room and walked over to his wife. Melanie watched as he placed his finger in the food she was cooking and she smiled as June swatted his hand away and instructed him out of the kitchen. It was the classic husband wife interaction that Melanie had always hoped she would share someday as well.

“Mama, I have a question.”

Melanie turned to the small boy who had entered the room. He had grown so much since the last time she had seen him—he was now six. Carter O’Callaghan climbed onto a chair at the island in the kitchen and rested his head in his tiny hands. His hair was the same shade as his eldest brother’s and his eyes showed the same emerald pools.

“Yes, Carter?” June chuckled at her son’s pensive expression.

“How does JohnO get girls?” he pondered.

Melanie laughed out loud as she looked at the cute, little confused boy. June chuckled as well, “What do you mean honey?”

“I mean, he farts, burps, says naughty words, puts this weird smelling stuff on his neck…he kind of looks like he never showers either. So, I tried doing that stuff and all Jessica Fennigan told me was that I smelled and was icky. But, John does it all the time and he still has a girlfriend,” Carter replied. The women in the kitchen all started laughing at how adorable the small boy was. Melanie found it sweet how much the boy admired his brother and how John probably didn’t even know. “And now I’m the only one at dinner who doesn’t have a girlfriend with them,” he frowned.

Melanie walked up the little boy and kissed his cheek, “I’ll be your date, buddy.”

Carter’s cheeks blushed as his eyes lit up with excitement, “Really!?”

She chuckled and nodded her head, “Really!”

The small boy wrapped his arms around Melanie’s neck before scurrying into the other room to tell the rest of the family about his new ‘girlfriend.’ June and Elaine laughed and thanked her before handing her the ingredients for fruit salad.

Melanie grabbed a container of cool whip and started cutting up an assortment of fruit. She placed the now cut fruit into the bowl of whipped cream and began mixing them together. Two hands placed themselves on either side of her waist pinning her to the counter. She saw a large hand reaching a finger into the bowl of whipped cream and she laughed and swatted it away.

In response the two arms wrapped around her and lifted her into the air, completely moving her from the bowl’s reach. John grabbed a spoon and took mouthfuls of the cream.

“Stop it!” Melanie laughed, stealing his spoon.

He huffed as she pushed him out of the way and a small smile graced his lips, “Whatever.”

“Whatever,” she mocked lightheartedly.

John grabbed a towel from on the counter and slapped it across her butt playfully, “Be like that, fine.”

Melanie laughed at John and felt her cheeks blushing as she realized all the mom’s in the kitchen were watching, “Out, John Cornelius.”

He chuckled and gave her a small kiss on her red cheeks before exiting the room. Melanie looked over at June and Nana who were exchanging glances. Elaine chuckled lightly before looking at the other women. “What?” Melanie questioned.

“Nothing,” June responded, shaking her head. “Nothing, dear.”
_____

“Stop it!” Carter yelled, his laugh echoing throughout the air.

“Come on little one, everyone went through their days of being delivered throughout the neighborhood!” John laughed, carrying his wrapped up six year old brother in his arms.

Melanie giggled and looked at the middle O’Callaghan as he began speaking. “Once you hit puberty it’ll get better, Carter I promise,” Seth O’Callaghan laughed.

Melanie and John walked up the front steps of a house down the street with Haley, Lucy and Seth on their heels. They rang the doorbell and waited. She held Carter’s legs still so that he wouldn’t rip the blue penguin paper that she and John had been spending the last hour putting him in.

“Would you stop moving? Jesus Christ,” John mumbled.

“John, don’t use that name in vein especially on Christmas day!” Mrs. Haralson said loudly as she opened the door. “And who is delivered this year?”

The old woman peeled back the top half of the package revealing a small boy with sandy hair. “Carter O’Callaghan, my, my, you’re getting so big!”

Carter grinned and the woman took off the rest of the wrapping letting the small boy move. He stretched out a bit before punching John right in the stomach. “Next year I’m going to be so strong and big that I’ll be delivering you to Mrs. Haralson!”

Mrs. Haralson laughed and wished her Merry Christmas’s to the family before returning to her own inside. Melanie, Lucy, John, Carter and Seth all walked down the street and entered the family’s home once again. The mothers were all in the kitchen doing the after dinner dishes as the Mr. Hendricks’ and Mr. O’Callaghan sat in the living room discussing work.

“I’m going to go help clean up,” Melanie smiled before walking into the kitchen being followed by Lucy and John.

“I’m going to take Luce home,” John said simply to his mother.

June walked over to the girl and wrapped her arms around her tightly. “Thank you so much for coming dear it really was a pleasure.”

Lucy grinned and Melanie saw her sincerity and swallowed the lump in her throat. No, she wasn’t jealous—no. “Thank you so much for everything, June. Nana it was so nice to finally meet you.”

Nana wrapped her arms around Lucy, “I surely hope I see you again, doll. You are beautiful and perfect for my grandson.”

Melanie tried to block out the emotions running through her veins but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to hear that another girl was good for John—not her John. Throughout the entire dinner Melanie had to sit there and plaster a smile on her lips as everyone got to know Lucy and of course they all loved her. How could you not? She was going to school for business. She was driven. She was beautiful. She was funny. Melanie tried to shake some sense in her mind but she couldn’t. Why was she feeling like this? She had Ben.

Melanie felt a warm hand grab her own and give it a gentle squeeze. She looked up to see John smiling at her, “I’ll see you when I get back. We’ll go for our yearly walk?”

“I’ll start making the hot chocolate,” Melanie smiled softly as the couple exited the room. Elaine and Nana followed in suit and went into the living room where Haley and the boys were playing Yahtzee, leaving Melanie and June.

“So, what do you think about Lucy, dear?” June asked, handing Melanie a plate to dry.

“She’s nice,” she replied simply, plastering a smile on her lips. She didn’t care that June was like her mother and could probably see through her façade. She refused to say out loud that she was jealous. It was wrong.

“Yeah, I don’t know if I see her with John though,” Mrs. O’Callaghan sighed, handing Melanie another plate.

“Why not?” She asked, raising an eyebrow intrigued.

“She’s just, she’s not the best girl out there for my baby boy,” June said simply as she began scrubbing a stubborn pan.

“She seems pretty perfect to me,” Melanie mumbled covetously. She wished she was half the girl that Lucy was.

June shook her head, “Melanie, John will never love her to his fullest extent.”

“Why do you say that, Mama?”

“Because she isn’t you,” she replied honestly. “He will never love a girl as much as he loves you, dear. Hell, I will never love a girl that he brings home half as much as you…”

Melanie placed her dish on the counter and looked at the woman that had always been there for her, her entire life. She was the only other woman besides her mother who had such a strong influence on her that she would actually listen to the words she spoke without double guessing them. “June…”

“I know dear, I know. You’re engaged and you do love Ben, I know. I’m just saying, seeing you in here today cooking with me,” June said and Melanie watched as the woman seemed to get choked up. “I’m sorry…ah, I just it was a glance at seeing what it would be like for you to be my daughter in law. I always wanted that, Melanie. You are the only one who truly knows what John needs, I just wish he could have been that for you.”

By this time Melanie felt tears streaming down her own cheeks. “I’m sorry I let you down, Mama.”

“Oh goodness darling, no! You didn’t let me down. Everything happens for a reason and I still think of you as a daughter, I just—I’m sorry I shouldn’t have even brought this up. Just know we all love you, okay?” June said, cupping Melanie’s face in a motherly way.

“I love you too, Mama,” she whispered as she wrapped her arms around the woman.

“If anything happens to your mother know I’m always here, okay?” June said solemnly.

Melanie nodded her head and dried her eyes with a tissue. June grabbed her hand and led her into the living room where their families sat. Elaine was holding onto her husband’s hand, Haley at their feet. Seth and Carter were talking to their father about football and Nana had taken June into a conversation.

Suddenly Melanie felt so much detest for herself. She could not believe that she had ever left this. She ran away and didn’t come back for three years. And now, what was happening? Her mother was dying, her baby sister was leaving soon for college, and the boy who had been the love of her life was trying to forget about her.

She had messed everything up when she had left for Seattle because she was only thinking of herself. She didn’t think of June and the fact that she was losing a second daughter. She didn’t think of Haley and the fact that she was losing her bigger sister and she sure as hell didn’t think of John—she pushed him as far back into her memory as she could.

But now, sitting here with the family that she had always loved more than anything she would give anything to go back to three years earlier and change it around. She wanted to go back in time and tell John everything. She wanted to tell him why she was leaving because she knew that he could talk her into staying.

“John!” Mr. O’Callaghan grinned and Melanie now noticed that he had entered the room once again. “Time for your Christmas song yes?”

“Yes!” June grinned and everyone around the room agreed.

John grinned and grabbed his acoustic guitar which was sitting next to the fire on the floor. “I actually wrote it a few days ago,” he said smiling. “It’s kind of rough but I hope you guys like it. It’s called Ho, Ho, Hopefully.”

John took a seat next to the fire, sitting across the room from Melanie. The orange light created a shadow on his face but his eyes seemed to shine brighter in the dark. His lips pulled back into a grin as he looked at Melanie who had a serious look on her face as she stared at the boy. The boy she loved. The boy she would always love.

His hand began moving in patterns as the sounds of the acoustic guitar echoed in the room. His lips parted and beautiful sounds made their way from them as his eyes made his way to the floor, “December first I'm in a foreign state, I'm running late, I'm all alone wishing I was home with you, baby. She's got a way of making things okay; when she's not around, when she's not around I'm going crazy. We like to talk about the plans we make and things we say when we're together. I hope for better weather this year,” John sang. His eyes lifted from where they were fixated on the ground as he turned his green eyes to Melanie and continued to sing, “But you my dear need to know this year I want you alone.

“Ho ho hopefully this holiday will make us believe that we're exactly where we're supposed to be. And we're ho, ho, hoping that we all come back and as a matter of fact I know we're exactly where we're supposed to be, together by this Christmas tree.”

John’s eyes never broke hers and Melanie didn’t even care that everyone else in the room was stealing glances at the two and making their own quiet judgments. No, this was about them.

“We go together like the winter and this sweater and she makes me feel, she makes me feel alive inside. And when I look into her eyes I see the blue and green like Christmas lights, like Christmas lights oh what a sight. She says I've got a way of making everything okay. She's not alone, she's not alone, and never will be. Ho ho hopefully this year I'll have you alone,” John sang, his eyes finally leaving hers.

Melanie felt herself release the breath of air she had been holding as she continued to keep her eyes fixated on him. He was beautiful and with every word he spoke he reeled her farther into him even if he knew it or not.

“Ho ho hopefully this holiday will make us believe that we're exactly where we're supposed to be. And we're ho ho hoping that we all come back and as a matter of fact I know we're exactly where we're supposed to be, together by this Christmas tree,” John smiled as he sang looking at every one of his family members before letting his eyes drift back to Melanie. “Don't you know this year I want you alone? Baby I want you alone.

“Ho ho hopefully this holiday will make us believe that we're exactly where we're supposed to be.
And we're ho ho hoping that we all come back and as a matter of fact I know I'm exactly where I need to be, with you by this Christmas tree, together just you and me; together by the Christmas tree.”

John’s hand finished the chord and everyone in the room began clapping as Melanie tried to capture her breath. John addressed his next question to everyone in the room but his eyes never left hers, “Did you like it?”

Melanie nodded her head, now knowing for a fact that this song was about her. “I loved it.”
_____

Melanie pressed her cup of hot chocolate to her lips as her and John walked through the cold air. They looked at all of the Christmas lights that lined the houses of the streets in their neighborhood. It was almost depressing that soon all of these lights would be out and every house would once again look exactly the same.

“I never gave you your present you know,” John smiled and he placed his hand in his pocket trying to warm himself up.

“John, you didn’t need to get me anything,” Melanie replied simply. They had been in a comfortable silence every since John had sang the song, only making small talk about how a few of the houses looked.

He chuckled, “I know you got me something. So, yes, I do. Besides, you’re my best friend. Of course I’m going to get you a gift, babe.”

John wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her in close to him as they walked down the road. They had walked about a mile from their houses and the cold was now starting to turn Melanie’s nose red. “How do you know I got you something, huh?”

“Because I can read you look like an open book, Melanie,” he said simply and she consciously wondered how much of her he was really reading lately. “And plus, I saw it hiding under my tree.”

Melanie kept her mouth shut wisely before she asked him what he was seeing in her exactly. She knew it wouldn’t be good to bring up out of fear that he had seen all of her thoughts while he sang Ho, Ho, Hopefully, and lately she began to feel as if something didn’t get brought up it almost didn’t exist.

If she didn’t think about her mom having cancer, she didn’t.

If she didn’t think about the fact that Ben could be kissing Emily right now, he wouldn’t.

If she didn’t think about the feel of John’s lips pressing against hers once again, she simply wouldn’t want them to.

It all made sense in her head—or so she thought.

“Well, your tree looked bare with no presents under it. Where are we going?” Melanie chuckled as they walked farther and farther from their childhood neighborhood.

John shrugged, “I guess we can just go to my place. That’s where our presents are.”

She didn’t care about the fact that they would have to walk two more miles in the cold in order to get to John’s apartment or the fact that his car was back at his parent’s house meaning they had no transportation home. No, right now she just was enjoying the moment—the simple things.

“What is Ben up to?” John asked nonchalantly.

Melanie felt her stomach tighten out of guilt as she realized that Ben hadn’t been on her mind half as much as John had been lately. She was never an ‘out of sight out of mind girl’, and the fact that it was happening now scared her. “He’s going home to England tomorrow with Emily. They’re visiting her family.”

John quirked an eyebrow at her and grabbed her hand. They were both wearing gloves and she wanted to take them off just so she could feel the contact of his skin. “How do you feel about that?” John asked curiously.

Melanie shrugged before looking away at a house in front of them. She looked at the lights that were in a perfect straight line across the top of the house. There were white reindeer in the front yard that were standing on either side of a lake made out of blue Christmas lights. There was a blow up Frosty the Snowman in the corner of the yard by the door who sang Christmas carols as well. “I have no reason to not trust him,” she replied simply, staring at the yard in front of her and not meeting John’s eyes.

He pulled on her hand, leading her thin body away from the house and back down the street. They walked at a slow pace, not minding that the cold was freezing their bones. “You know it’s okay to be jealous about him going with her,” John said softly, glancing into her blue eyes.

Melanie felt a shiver run up her spine and not even a second later John had shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it tightly around her shoulders. “Thanks,” she said softly. They were approaching his apartment and Melanie was dying to get into the heat. She thought back to what they were discussing, trying to sort out her emotions. She was jealous of Emily, no doubt. She was gorgeous and she had known Ben in ways that Melanie never had, nor would. “I’m not jealous,” Melanie said back to John after a few moments.

He chuckled, “Could have fooled me.”

Melanie and John walked up the stairs at the apartment complex and practically ran into his apartment. She placed her hands on her lips and blew her hot breath onto them warming them up. John walked over to the thermostat and turned it on immediately upon entry. The main lights were still off—the only illumination coming from the Christmas tree in the room.

Melanie turned around as she felt a tap on her shoulder and when she turned around she came face to face with John. He smiled at her with a small blush on his cheeks, looking down at his hands. She followed his gaze and in his grasp was a small wrapped package. She walked over to his tree and grabbed a box she had placed under it only about a week ago and placed it in his hands. John grabbed her hand and led her over to the tree, sitting them in front of it much like five year olds.

“Ladies first,” John smiled, using his hand to gesture to Melanie.

She smiled as she began peeling at the perfectly wrapped paper. She peeled back the layers of tape revealing a baby blue Tiffany’s box. She looked up at John who was looking at her nervously, his fingers twiddling against his legs. She opened the box and gasped as she saw the necklace inside.

The gold pendant was about two inches long and in the shape of a key. Instead of having a decorative top like a normal key, the top part was shaped into a heart and was also a locket. Melanie opened the locket carefully and smiled when she saw a picture of her and John on her first day of freshman year.

“John, this is…how much did this cost you?” Melanie mumbled nervously, chewing on her lower lip.

“That doesn’t matter, babe. Do you like it?” He asked, running a hand through his hair out of worry.

Melanie smiled and leaned forward on her knees and wrapped her arms around the boy. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and she smiled once she felt him relax. “I love it, John. Thank you.”

John’s grin was confident as he pulled away from her and stared into her eyes for a moment. Melanie couldn’t help but to want to kiss him. She didn’t know if it was the low lighting or just the pure emotion of happiness between them, but she wanted to so badly.

John opened his mouth, interrupting her thoughts, “Should I open mine now?”

Melanie looked away from him with a blush on her cheeks as she realized that she had been staring at him for a few moments too long. She nodded her head and John placed the wrapped gift in his lap. She giggled as he put it to his ear and shook it, tying to figure out what it could be. “Just open it!” She laughed.

He smiled at her before starting to rip back the paper. Suddenly, Melanie felt nervous. What if he didn’t like it? What if he was mad at her? She watched as his eyes became confused as he pulled all the paper away and stared at the maroon colored album cover. As he opened it his face softened and his fingers scanned over the pages delicately. He turned through all the pages, a small smile on his lips as he looked at all of the pictures of them. There were pictures from the day they were born all the way up until the day of Melanie’s graduation. John stopped at the last picture in the book, his fingers resting on it softly. “Where did you get these pictures, Mel?” He asked after a moment of silence, turning his green eyes to hers.

She bit her lip as she looked back into his eyes, remembering the night she had found them. “I went into your room a few nights after Ben and I got here, and—I uh, found a box labeled ‘throw away please’.” John’s face fell as he looked at her sadly. She continued, “I grabbed it once I saw what was in it. I refused to let you forget that we weren’t friends.”

John grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her onto his lap, hugging her tightly. He buried his face in her hair and if she knew better she would have sworn he was tearing up. “I’m so sorry, Melanie. I was hurt, and angry, and—

“Don’t be sorry, JohnO. I deserved it, okay? I just…I knew we’d be friends again, and I knew you’d regret throwing those away,” she replied softly, her face in the crook of his neck. She missed the way he smelled.

His arms pulled tighter around her waist before she turned around in his lap, resting her back against his chest. John’s hands fell down to the top of her thighs and her hands instantly laced into his.

“I love it, Melanie, thank you,” he said softly in her ear. He grabbed the photo album once again and sat it in her lap, intertwining their fingers once again.

They stared down in silence at the picture at their fingertips. Melanie’s white robe was open, revealing a black dress beneath. Her blonde hair was in perfect curls and her white graduation cap was pinned onto her head. John’s arm was around her shoulder and if no one had previously known them they would never be able to see the tension in the photo, but Melanie and John knew it was there. Their smiles were strained, their bodies held an unfamiliar gap between them, and happiness and love were absent from their eyes. It was awkward and foreign; it was the beginning of the end.

John placed his lips against Melanie’s shoulder, before letting out a whisper, “I’m so sorry for everything I did to you.”

She stared at the photo and at the boy who had changed so much. His hair was longer, his jeans loser, and his eyes not as wise. He had grown up so much in the past three years and she felt guilty for not being there to see it. “I’m sorry too, John,” she whispered.

John turned her around in his arms and held her tightly as she straddled his waist. He looked into her eyes before giving her a soft lingering kiss on her forehead, making her skin break out in goose bumps beneath her shirt. He held her tightly as if at any moment she could disappear. And she held him back just as tight scared that if she let him go again that she wouldn’t be as lucky as she had this time and get him back.

“I loved your hair blonde,” John whispered softly. “It was just so…you..”

“I’m still me, John,” Melanie said back just as quiet.

He nodded his head gently and she knew he disagreed even though he tried to give her reassurance. “We changed a lot, didn’t we?” John asked sadly.

Melanie shook her head yes before a question appeared on her tongue. She was apprehensive to ask it at first but once she looked into his breathtaking eyes she couldn’t help herself. “Do you ever wish you could go back to three years ago and change things?” She said so quietly that she was surprised he even heard her.

John cupped her cheek gently, before closing his eyes and kissing her forehead once again, letting his face bury itself back into her hair, his lips near her ear. Then he spoke, “Every single day.”