The Roots That Tied to My Feet

“How are you feeling, Mom? Do you need anything?” Melanie asked nervously, looking at her mother’s sullen frame.

She had scratches on her forehead and down her limbs that stuck out like red paint on a pure white canvas. Her hair was falling out in many places around her head from her chemo therapy. Her sunken blue eyes were dimming as if the life was fading through them with each shallow breath she took and her veins were shining through her paper thin skin.

“Melanie, I honestly just need to sleep, okay baby? So, head home, take a shower for God’s sake and sleep as well please. We can talk more tomorrow when I wake, but my body is exhausted. Take your sister home and just rest okay darling?” Her mother asked, her voice weak.

Melanie nodded her head in oblige and placed a soft kiss on her mother’s forehead, “I’ll send Dad in, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too, baby girl,” Elaine replied softly.

Melanie sauntered out of the room and informed her father on where she and Haley would be for the remainder of the night. She gathered up their belongings from the waiting room and they made their way home in silence. The whizzing of each car going by was enough to make noise. Neither of them had words on their lips, just worried thoughts about their mother in their mind.

Melanie pulled up to their house and sighed. She wrapped her hair in a bun on her head and exited the car and walked into the house. She felt a vibrating come from her pockets. As she walked up her houses stairs she looked at her text message, carefully as to not land herself in the hospital by tripping on a step.

From John Ohhhhhhhmmmbaby (;
How are you feeling, doll face?

Melanie chuckled softly at the name he placed in her phone a week or so ago. She closed her phone without responding walking immediately into her bathroom. To be honest, she felt like crap. She was scared and worried out of her mind, her body was tired, and she felt like she was falling to pieces.

Melanie walked into her bathroom and shed her clothes and let them fall to the floor. She started the hot water and jumped under it, not caring that at first it was cold. Honestly, she felt numb. She was guilty for not spending enough time with her mom and that thought was the only one able to fly through her mind. She washed her hair and rubbed her skin which had turned red from the heat of the water. She didn’t even notice.

Melanie pulled a towel around her thin waist. She felt as if she hadn’t eaten in days when in reality it had been a matter of hours. Her mom had woken only a few hours prior; it seemed like so long ago but just over a day ago had been when she had tried to seduce John. Melanie sighed and looked at her tired eyes in the mirror before exiting into her bedroom. She pulled on some boy short underwear and an oversized t shirt. She listened as a knock echoed throughout the house curiously.

She could hear the shower running from her sister’s room so she walked down the stairs leisurely, wondering who could be on the other side of the door. She honestly figured it would be John but as she opened the door she was met with a wave of shock.

“Ben?” Melanie questioned, surprise apparent in her voice. “Wha—what are you doing here?”

“Hey honey,” Ben whispered softly. They looked at one another silently for a moment before he grabbed her by her arms and pulled her tightly into his chest. Melanie wrapped her arms around his torso firmly, taking in his familiar scent. She loved the way he felt against her—but after two nights ago, his body just didn’t feel as right as it should have.

Melanie grabbed his hand and led him up her stairs silently, him trailing leisurely on her heels. They entered her room quietly, noticing that Haley had gotten out of the shower and shut her light off. Ben grabbed Melanie’s hand in his tightly, giving her a soft smile. She turned her eyes to his and gazed into them deeply just trying to find the place she had once found comfort, but everything she saw just made her feel horrible.

She had cheated on her fiancé. Nothing may have happened to a powerful extent but the fact that she wanted to kiss John, and the emotion behind that kiss was enough. The fact that as Ben stood in front of her pulling her lips gently against his own only caused her to wish John was there was enough. The fact that every bone in her body felt uncomfortable was enough.

Melanie kissed him back softly, hoping to taste something else—or rather someone else. Ben pulled away and gave her a sympathetic grin, pulling her to her bed. “How are you feeling, baby? Are you doing all right?”

“Yeah, I mean, as well as I can I suppose,” she replied gently, confused. “How did you find out, Ben? I mean—I’m sorry I didn’t call, I was just sidetracked you know?”

“Mel, don’t apologize it’s okay. I just wanted to make sure I was able to be here for you,” Ben said confidently. He grasped her cheeks softly in his hands, the heat from his hands warming them. As Melanie stared into his blue eyes she was able to remember why she loved him—he cared so much for her and she had always depended on that.

“How did you know to come?” She asked.

“John called me,” he replied with confusion in his voice. “He told me you were asking for me.”

“Oh, right, of course,” Melanie fumbled over her words. She covered her eyes with her hands leaning back on her mattress. “Did you have fun with Emily? How was your hometown?”

“Uhm, Melanie…you should know something,” Ben began gently, as if he was picking his words wisely.

Melanie felt her heart drop as she listened to his saddened voice, but there was a pang of hope as well. The hope was from the cowardly part of her body. “What, Ben?”

“Em—Emily came on to me,” he began slowly. “But, I stopped it before anything could go anywhere. She didn’t kiss me or anything, she just tried. But I told her I was happy and getting married, and yeah, I just wanted you to know.”

Melanie felt her mouth her mouth fall slightly open. Her teeth began tracing her teeth slowly, at a loss for words. She didn’t know if she was supposed to tell him, or keep it a secret, or just be honest. But if she was honest would she say it all or blame it on the alcohol? Melanie sighed softly, “I knew she had a thing for you,” she said, instantly feeling like a coward.

“I guess old habits die hard,” Ben whispered softly, searching her blue eyes for something—anything. He was silent for a moment before speaking again, “Did you have fun while I was gone?”

Melanie bit her lip softly, “I guess, you know. I really missed you though,” she said quickly, placing her hand on her thigh, giving it a squeeze.

“Did you hang out with John a lot?” Ben asked nonchalantly.

She shrugged, “Yeah, you know. Him, Kenny, Pat, Garrett, Jared…Hales. It was nice to catch up with everyone, we had fun.”

“Well, I’m sorry I missed it,” he said with a small smile.

“I am too,” Melanie smiled back softly, forcing it completely. She had to distract herself because if she didn’t words would be spilling out of her lips soon and she wasn’t ready for the storm they would bring. She pressed her lips against his tightly feeling him lean back against her with a smile on his own.

Ben placed his hand in her hair combing through it gently. He pulled away his breath more ragged, “Your hair looks really pretty blonde, Melanie.”

“Thanks,” she whispered softly, eagerly pressing her lips against his again. She was trying to take his mind away from any doubts or concerns he may have about John because if he asked her directly about what happened she wasn’t sure if she could lie.

Ben groaned as she tugged in his hair gently and he pushed her back onto her bed again. His body pushed against hers tightly his hands trailing from her hair down her thighs and up the sides of her shirt, resting on the soft skin of her stomach. She moaned involuntarily as his lips began trailing down her jaw and eventually down the side of her neck. He groaned as his hips rocked against hers, kissing her neck softly with butterfly kisses.

Suddenly, she felt his lips pause. His breath was coming out in short segments and he wasn’t saying a word, but he hadn’t removed his face from the crook of her neck. He eventually pulled away from her, and moved to where his face was hovering above hers. Their eyes were at the same level now but his eyes stayed down, staring at where his lips had been on her neck.

“I think you had a little more fun than you led on to, Melanie,” he whispered forcefully, anger seeping through his British accent.

“It’s not like that, Ben…” Melanie defended instantly, even though she had no idea what he was talking about.

“Not like what Melanie? Not like John did that to your neck? Who did? Kennedy? Garrett? Haley?” Ben seethed, hurt but furious.

It now made sense why earlier that day John had wrapped his scarf tightly around her neck, she had his mark on her skin still. “Are you honestly saying that nothing happened with Emily, Ben?!” Melanie asked defensively, her voice rising.

Ben pulled down the collar of his shirt, exposing his neck, “I’m not the one with hickeys on my neck am I?”

Melanie suddenly felt nauseas. Her stomach was twisting and felt as if it was in knots. Ben climbed off of her body and began pacing around the room angrily. He ran his hands through his hair out of frustration and Melanie could hear him making noises under his breath along with obscenities. “Dammit, Melanie, say something!” Ben yelled. There was no doubt Haley could hear them by now.

Melanie felt anger surge through her bones even though she honestly had no right to be mad. This was her fault completely and she knew it. She turned her blue orbs to his gently before speaking confidently, “I guess old habits just die hard,” she said, repeating his words from earlier.

Ben scoffed at her and groaned furiously before pausing and looking at her, letting his vulnerability get the best of him, “How could you do this to me, Melanie? Did that ring mean nothing to you…?”

“Ben, it wasn’t like that,” she lied. “We were just caught up in the moment.”

“A moment where you cheated on your fiancé. This wasn’t something small like you flirting with John or something. You cheated on me,” Ben replied, his anger finding him once again. He shook his head from side to side and Melanie watched his frame moving with irritation. He covered his face with his hands and groaned his hands rising and resting interlocked on his head.

“Ben,” Melanie said softly, regret finally finding its place in her heart as she watched his sadness show on his face, “Say something please. Talk to me.”

“No, Melanie. I honestly don’t want to talk to you right now!” Ben yelled. “Jesus Christ, I don’t want to be anywhere near you right now!” She watched as he walked over to his luggage and stared at it for a moment. “I’m going home, Melanie. Don’t call me because I have a lot of thinking to do, and I suggest while I’m gone you figure out whatever the Hell it is that you want.”

Melanie stayed silent, looking at the boy she had broken so badly. She became angry with herself, angry at Ben, and angry at John—and honestly, she didn’t know why. She was so confused, she had no idea what she wanted…but she did at the same time. She needed the boy that she was itching to cry for right now.

Ben grabbed his luggage in his hands and began walking down her stairs angrily with her hot on his heels. He exited the house and Melanie followed him quickly to his car, cringing as he slammed his trunk shut. He stood with his hand on the handle, before turning his eyes to her once again. In his blue pools were signs of irritation, hurt, and still, love.

“I suggest that as you look at that ring on your finger and you make your decision that you remember that marriage means forever, Melanie. I was gone for a month and you couldn’t do it. So you know what? Here’s an ultimatum; it’s either me or him. I’ll call you when I’m ready.”

Melanie watched silently as he got in his car and started engine. He buckled his seat belt and looked at her once more before shaking his head and speeding away leaving her alone to make possibly the hardest decision of her life.