The Roots That Tied to My Feet

“How is your mom doing?”

Melanie placed her Subway sandwich in her mouth, taking a bite. She smiled softly, “The doctors said she’ll make a recovery from the accident. But she has to start chemo again.”

Charlie smiled in melancholy, “At least she’s recovering from the accident. That’s good. I believe she’ll be okay. I’ve been praying for her at church.”

Melanie had always believed in God but she knew what she had done on a daily basis didn’t always show that, “Thank you, Charlie.”

“Of course, honey,” the red head grinned, taking a bite of her own sub.

“So, how is Kennedy doing? Everything going well?” Melanie asked, changing the subject quickly. Her mother was getting better and she decided she was going to leave it at that from now on.

She watched as the red head blushed, “He proposed, Melanie.”

Melanie squealed softly, “I am so happy for you guys Charlotte. Like, seriously, I don’t know. No one deserves the other like you two do. How did he do it?”

Charlie grinned excitedly, “Well first, we went out to this really nice dinner. Then he took me out on a boat that he rented and we went sailing on the lake. And while we were out there we were watching the sunset and he got on his knee and proposed.”

Melanie grabbed Charlie’s hand and observed the ring, “Gosh I love it. Congratulations!”

Charlie smiled widely, “I’m just so excited to get married, you know?” Melanie nodded her head softly, her smile fading. Charlie noticed her change in attitude and gasped, “Oh my God, Melanie…I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have brought this up.”

“No, don’t worry about it okay? I’m really happy for you,” Melanie said, faking a positive attitude.

It had been a week since Ben left and four days since she had talked to John. Ben said he would call when he was ready and she was waiting for that day now. She hoped it would be soon considering the wedding was scheduled for less than a month away. John had made the decision, so now she was just waiting for Ben to make his.

“Have you talked to John?” Charlie asked, reading Melanie’s mind. Melanie shook her head ‘no’. “I’m really sorry, Melanie.”

“It’s fine. You know, he’s right, Ben is better, so it’s whatever,” Melanie spoke calmly her defenses seeping through.

Charlie nodded her head simply not putting in any more input than she had silently. Melanie knew Charlie disagreed with her just waiting for Ben to call. Charlie wanted her to fight for John, but in all honestly Melanie couldn’t. John had made his decision and picked Lucy and now she had to just sit back and respect that even if it was like pulling teeth.

“I have a dress fitting next week, you should come with me. We can pick out a dress for you,” Melanie grinned.

Charlie smiled unsurely, before nodding her head, “I was looking for a mermaid fit. It makes your boobs look awesome,” she laughed.

Melanie chuckled, “Do you know when you’re doing it?”

Charlie and Melanie began making wedding arrangements and plans that would be temporary ideas until Kennedy could have his say as well. She could tell that the red head was excited and had been waiting for this day for years. She was one of those girls who had been planning her wedding since she was five years old.

Melanie was never that girl though. She was the one who when she was five was beating up little boys. She never even thought about marriage until she was in her teens and had fallen in love for the first time, but even then it was never a priority on her list. Did she wish that she was going to marry John someday?—sure, but she never had her heart set on it until the other night, and even then it was crushed into her face.

“Melanie, can I ask you something?” Charlie asked, interrupting her thoughts.

“Of course, boo. What’s up?” She asked seriously.

The red head grinned, “Will you be my maid of honor?”

Melanie smiled, “I would love to, Charlie.”
_____

“You know I love you?”

Melanie felt like she was going to puke as she listened to her sister talking on the phone to her boyfriend through the wall.

“Gary stop it! That’s…oh, yeah? Mmm, maybe tomorrow night we’ll find out about that,” Haley giggled.

Melanie pressed play on her iPod trying to drown out the conversation that she really didn’t want to hear. Garrett and Haley having sex just freaked her out and listening to their dirty talk wasn’t something she particularly wanted to hear.

“Living is easy with eyes closed,” she sang softly, stopping when she heard a knock on her door. “Come in.”

Her mother walked into the room slowly, her body still weak. She walked over to her bed and sat down, looking at her daughter lovingly, “How are you feeling, Melanie?”

Melanie shrugged, “How are you feeling?”

Elaine chuckled softly, “About as well as you look darling. When’s the last time you slept?”

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. Melanie didn’t even realize that a tear had fell from her eye. “I miss him, mom.”

“Who, hun?”

Melanie chose her next word carefully, trying to train her mind, “I miss Ben.”

Her mother smiled at her, before patting her shoulder, “Someone is downstairs to see you. Should I send them up?”

Melanie looked at her mother nervously, “Who is it?”

Elaine sighed, “I’ll send them up, then.”

She watched as her mother walked out of the room. She dried the tears from her eyes with her sleeve and fixed her hair nervously. She figured it would be John, to come and tell her why the Hell he didn’t come that night. He would have some lame excuse about how he was scared—as if she wasn’t as well, and he’d beg for her forgiveness. But in honesty, she didn’t know if she could give it to him this time. When he didn’t show his words spoke loud and clear: he didn’t love her like she loved him.

She heard a knock on her bedroom door and she turned her back away from it—not yet ready to face him. “Come in,” she spoke softly, staring at her grey Steve Madden boots.

She listened as a person entered the room, neither of them speaking. She took a deep breath turning around, her chest tightening when she saw his blue eyes staring into hers. “Ben,” she breathed.

Ben stared at her seriously, his eyes traveling over her body. He looked calmer than he had nights before. His hair was a mess, his eyes had bags under them, and he was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt rather than slacks. “I haven’t slept in a week, you know that?” He spoke softly.

Melanie took her bottom lip between her teeth, “Neither have I.”

“Do you want to talk?” He asked genuinely, looking at her anxiously.

She nodded her head fervently. They walked over to her bed and took a seat on the edge looking at each other seriously. Melanie felt relieved as she got butterflies in her stomach at how she could see his love still in his eyes. “I have a lot to say, Ben.”

Ben nodded his head, “I have a lot of questions.”

“You go first,” Melanie said nervously. This was it—time for the truth; all of it.

“First, and most importantly, did you make a decision?”

“I want to marry you,” she replied.

Ben nodded his head, “I want to be with you too, but there’s a lot I need to know before we go through with this, okay?”

“Why don’t you let me start and then you can ask questions,” Melanie said simply, looking into his nervous eyes. “Just know before we start this that I meant it every time I’ve said I love you, okay Ben?”

“I love you too, Melanie. Now, proceed,” he said formally.

Melanie took a deep breath before beginning, “When I said that John and I had thing back in high school I left out quite a bit.” She took another deep breath, “I started liking him when I was thirteen and he knew it and he took advantage of that. He liked me as well, but was too scared to hurt me so he dated other girls and I just sat by waiting for him to notice me. He didn’t ever notice me until his senior year. He uh—he kissed me, and one thing led to another and I—we, we had sex.”

Melanie watched as Ben’s eyes widened and he took a deep breath. She nodded her head gently, reminding herself that this was for the best, “The next morning when I woke up he was gone. He had left for tour and all he left was note that said he was sorry. To say I was angry was an understatement. We didn’t talk for months and he even ditched me on my senior prom and sent Kenny instead.

“He came back for my graduation to surprise me…and he brought his new girlfriend with him, introducing me to her after he apologized and told me he loved me. I was hurt, really hurt. So, that night there was a party and I went and I got drunk—beyond drunk. But I wasn’t drunk enough in the end I suppose.” Melanie paused and took a deep breath, trying not to let tears fall from her eyes. “I started dancing with a guy and he took me upstairs and uh, he raped me.”

She watched as Ben’s eyes filled with sympathy and he opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off. “I don’t want to hear that you’re sorry for me. I’m over it and I don’t need sympathy anymore. Now it’s just a part of my past.”

Ben nodded his head in understanding and she continued, “I was really beat up for a while. I went to therapy and I decided not to turn the guy in even though I knew who he was. John came home from his tour and took care of me for months. He helped me heal and get better and then on my eighteenth birthday, he kissed me. He left his girlfriend and kissed me. We started dating after that—if that’s what you want to call it. Nothing really changed though except that we kissed now. No sex.

“He wanted me to stay and go to ASU with him and I got in, but I wanted to go to Seattle. University of Washington was my dream and my parents could afford it so why not? I got my letter in the mail on the same day I was accepted to ASU. I didn’t know what to do. One night when I was at home my mom told me someone had dropped off a letter for me. I read the letter and it was from the man who raped me. He had a bracelet that my dad had given me for graduation.

“So I went. I went to his house and when I did I found him on his floor dead. I found out later it was a drug shooting—but that night I had no idea. So, I ran. I ran back to John’s house through a storm and I needed him to piece me back together. I wanted to have sex with him and have it mean something—I wasn’t scared anymore, not even after what Jeremy had done to me. John—he said no. He didn’t want to and we weren’t technically together. He hurt me when he denied me so I left.

“I went home first and just lay in bed for a while, but then that night I decided I was going to go to U Dub. I decided I was going to take control of my life and go to Washington. And so I did, and I never came home. Then I met you and you picked me up and fixed me…and I realized that I needed you. I fell in love with you because you pieced me together when I was a mess without even knowing. You were the rock I needed, Ben. You always were,” Melanie said softly, proud of herself for not crying.

Ben let out a breath of air that he was holding and rubbed his hands over his tired eyes, “That’s a lot to take in, you know.”

“I’m sorry,” Melanie whispered.

He turned his blue eyes to her, “Why didn’t you tell me this before, Melanie?”

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, “Because when I met you, you made me feel like a different person. I wasn’t this girl with all this baggage, I was just Melanie. I was just a girl that you loved and I loved the person you made me, Ben. With you I was able to be young and in love and that was all that mattered.”

“If you had sex before then why didn’t you want to sleep with me?”

Melanie took a deep breath, “Both of the experiences I had with sex weren’t good. I was left and the other wasn’t exactly consensual. I was scared and I had just met you I hadn’t known you forever and that was hard for me.”

“Did you and John have sex the other night?” Ben asked.

“No, we didn’t,” Melanie said honestly. “We almost did, but he stopped it because I was really drunk.”

Ben nodded his head and became quiet. He was thinking and Melanie let him be alone with his thoughts after all she had put quite a lot on his plate. She wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t want to get married any longer though she hoped that wasn’t the case.

“You know this changes things, right Melanie?” Ben questioned.

She nodded her head and kept her eyes on the floor, “What do you want Ben? Anything.”

“I—I don’t necessarily want you talking to John anymore if I’m not there. I just—it was okay when I had no reason to not trust you, but now I have a reason. You’ll have to earn my trust back...and you being honest just now was a good step,” he spoke truthfully.

“That’s completely understandable,” Melanie said simply.

“I still want to marry you, Melanie,” he said. “Especially because of your mother’s current conditions. I love you, honey, I just—things may be different for a little bit.”

“I know, Ben. But, can I ask you something?” She asked.

“Anything.”

“Will you forgive me?” Melanie asked softly.

Ben looked at her seriously before pressing his lips against hers, “I forgive you.”