Status: New.
Lack of Color.
Eleven.
Erin.
Every since Emily passed away, I didn’t keep in touch with any of my old friends. So when the guys left, I was left alone. I was perfectly fine with that, sure I had all the guys’ friends. They’d invite me to parties, call me to hang out but it wasn’t the same. I was just friends of friends. I got home from work to see my parent’s sitting there on the couch, staring at the tv intensly.
“Hey”, I said walking through the door.
“Hey honey, how was work?” my Mom practically jumped from the couch to see if I was okay. Something she did most of the time.
“It was alright, it’s just work.”
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Going to a party.”
“With whom?” she asked looking over at me with questioning eyes.
You know you’re a loser when your Mom knows you don’t have friends.
“Some friends from work”, I said completely lying through my teeth.
“Have fun sweetheart.”
I walked up the steps into my room, not really caring what I was getting dressed in. I walked out and into my car and drove off to the directions that were texted to me. I walked in and walked straight to the alcohol. I pounded back a couple of drinks, trying my hardest to not be sober. Once I felt that oh so familiar buzz feeling that was making it slightly harder to see, I made my way to the door. I walked out the house, taking a seat on the porch lighting up a cigeratte. I brought my knees up to my chest, resting y arm on them. I was relaxed until I felt someone take a seat right next to me; I tensed up at the thought of who it may be. Some creepy guy or a murder, my mind played tricks on me when I was drunk.
“Not much of a partier or what?”
“Something like that”, I said not daring to look at the voice beside me.
“Then why you here?”
“Alcohol.”
“Alcohol is the reason to come to a party and end up outside all anti social and what not.”
“I came for the wonderful music and the hopes of getting really fucked up and then fucked by some random guy.”
“The American dream.”
I couldn’t help but to laugh, I looked over at the guy sitting down next to me. Dark hair slicked to the side, looking like Edward Furlong. I looked from his leather jacket to his doc martins on his feet. I could feel him looking me up and down, with a smirk on his face.
“What’s the name doll?”
“Doll?”
“Yes, I called you Doll.”
“Well the name is Erin and yours, doll?”
“Francis.”
“Like the brother in Malcom and the Middle.”
“Yes”, he said with a laugh. “So what really brings you to this party?”
“The alcohol, I told you.”
“And what brings you to the alcohol?”
“A big mess of shit”, I said putting out the cig on the floor and looking back at him.
“And what exactly is this big mess of shit?”
“My life “, I said simply looking down at my phone, still no call from John. I just wanted to get up and drink some more, but for some reason I stayed glued to the porch looking over at the boy beside me.
“Well Doll, I’m all ears.”
I looked over at this complete stranger, getting some kind of confidence in the alcohol. I took a deep breath before opening my mouth.
“My best friend Emily, passed away a couple of months ago”, I started looking over at him. “Emily was the beautiful one, the happy one, she was the one everyone loved. I’m just Tim and Pat’s sister, I always have been. So when she died, it felt like I went along with her.”
“I’m sorry for you loss”, Francis said wrapping an arm around me. “But you’re your own person. Regardless if people notice you or not, fuck it. And by the look of things, you’re a gorgeous girl who has an amazing smile, even if you don’t show it.”
“That’s not everything”, I said as he looked over at me, looking even more interested. “Emily had a boyfriend, John, they were that perfect couple. We all grew up together and John and she always had something special. The finally started dating freshman year, but when Emily died John didn’t go to the funeral. A couple months passed and John and his band came home from tour and I saw that he was a bigger mess than me, so I tried to fix him.”
“Usually the weak liked to fix other people then themselves.”
“Well that’s what I tried to do. I tried to make him happy. We spent every day together. He took me to the Zoo, made us a lunch and everything. I guess he was doing the samething as I was. But as we started to spend more time together, I started to get this feeling towards him. Like I wasn’t alone, wasn’t lonely anymore; almost like I was complete when I was around him.
“Sounded like you fell in love.”
“I don’t fall in love, there is no such thing as love.”
“Go on”, he said laughing as my response.
“Well the night before he was going to leave, we had a party at my house. We ended up having sex, and in the morning he was gone. No call, no text, no nothing ever since then.”
“And when was this?”
“A month ago.”
“He sounds like a dick.”
“But he really isn’t.”
“Well he sounds like one to me, and you feel guilty for falling in love with your best friends boyfriend.”
“I’m not in love.”
“Fine then, in lust.”
“Exactly.”
“That does sound like a big pile of shit”, he said with a laugh looking over at me.
I was shocked that I hadn’t let a single tear fall from my eyes and for some reason this complete stranger made me feel comfortable. He wrapped an arm around me, holding me into him. I looked over at this stranger names Francis and smiled over at him.
“I don’t know why I felt so comfortable telling you all that shit.”
“It’s always easier to spill your guts to a complete stranger than someone you’ve known your whole life.”
I just nodded in agreement; Francis was that something that I needed and he knew it at that very moment too.
Every since Emily passed away, I didn’t keep in touch with any of my old friends. So when the guys left, I was left alone. I was perfectly fine with that, sure I had all the guys’ friends. They’d invite me to parties, call me to hang out but it wasn’t the same. I was just friends of friends. I got home from work to see my parent’s sitting there on the couch, staring at the tv intensly.
“Hey”, I said walking through the door.
“Hey honey, how was work?” my Mom practically jumped from the couch to see if I was okay. Something she did most of the time.
“It was alright, it’s just work.”
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Going to a party.”
“With whom?” she asked looking over at me with questioning eyes.
You know you’re a loser when your Mom knows you don’t have friends.
“Some friends from work”, I said completely lying through my teeth.
“Have fun sweetheart.”
I walked up the steps into my room, not really caring what I was getting dressed in. I walked out and into my car and drove off to the directions that were texted to me. I walked in and walked straight to the alcohol. I pounded back a couple of drinks, trying my hardest to not be sober. Once I felt that oh so familiar buzz feeling that was making it slightly harder to see, I made my way to the door. I walked out the house, taking a seat on the porch lighting up a cigeratte. I brought my knees up to my chest, resting y arm on them. I was relaxed until I felt someone take a seat right next to me; I tensed up at the thought of who it may be. Some creepy guy or a murder, my mind played tricks on me when I was drunk.
“Not much of a partier or what?”
“Something like that”, I said not daring to look at the voice beside me.
“Then why you here?”
“Alcohol.”
“Alcohol is the reason to come to a party and end up outside all anti social and what not.”
“I came for the wonderful music and the hopes of getting really fucked up and then fucked by some random guy.”
“The American dream.”
I couldn’t help but to laugh, I looked over at the guy sitting down next to me. Dark hair slicked to the side, looking like Edward Furlong. I looked from his leather jacket to his doc martins on his feet. I could feel him looking me up and down, with a smirk on his face.
“What’s the name doll?”
“Doll?”
“Yes, I called you Doll.”
“Well the name is Erin and yours, doll?”
“Francis.”
“Like the brother in Malcom and the Middle.”
“Yes”, he said with a laugh. “So what really brings you to this party?”
“The alcohol, I told you.”
“And what brings you to the alcohol?”
“A big mess of shit”, I said putting out the cig on the floor and looking back at him.
“And what exactly is this big mess of shit?”
“My life “, I said simply looking down at my phone, still no call from John. I just wanted to get up and drink some more, but for some reason I stayed glued to the porch looking over at the boy beside me.
“Well Doll, I’m all ears.”
I looked over at this complete stranger, getting some kind of confidence in the alcohol. I took a deep breath before opening my mouth.
“My best friend Emily, passed away a couple of months ago”, I started looking over at him. “Emily was the beautiful one, the happy one, she was the one everyone loved. I’m just Tim and Pat’s sister, I always have been. So when she died, it felt like I went along with her.”
“I’m sorry for you loss”, Francis said wrapping an arm around me. “But you’re your own person. Regardless if people notice you or not, fuck it. And by the look of things, you’re a gorgeous girl who has an amazing smile, even if you don’t show it.”
“That’s not everything”, I said as he looked over at me, looking even more interested. “Emily had a boyfriend, John, they were that perfect couple. We all grew up together and John and she always had something special. The finally started dating freshman year, but when Emily died John didn’t go to the funeral. A couple months passed and John and his band came home from tour and I saw that he was a bigger mess than me, so I tried to fix him.”
“Usually the weak liked to fix other people then themselves.”
“Well that’s what I tried to do. I tried to make him happy. We spent every day together. He took me to the Zoo, made us a lunch and everything. I guess he was doing the samething as I was. But as we started to spend more time together, I started to get this feeling towards him. Like I wasn’t alone, wasn’t lonely anymore; almost like I was complete when I was around him.
“Sounded like you fell in love.”
“I don’t fall in love, there is no such thing as love.”
“Go on”, he said laughing as my response.
“Well the night before he was going to leave, we had a party at my house. We ended up having sex, and in the morning he was gone. No call, no text, no nothing ever since then.”
“And when was this?”
“A month ago.”
“He sounds like a dick.”
“But he really isn’t.”
“Well he sounds like one to me, and you feel guilty for falling in love with your best friends boyfriend.”
“I’m not in love.”
“Fine then, in lust.”
“Exactly.”
“That does sound like a big pile of shit”, he said with a laugh looking over at me.
I was shocked that I hadn’t let a single tear fall from my eyes and for some reason this complete stranger made me feel comfortable. He wrapped an arm around me, holding me into him. I looked over at this stranger names Francis and smiled over at him.
“I don’t know why I felt so comfortable telling you all that shit.”
“It’s always easier to spill your guts to a complete stranger than someone you’ve known your whole life.”
I just nodded in agreement; Francis was that something that I needed and he knew it at that very moment too.