Summer Fling

Silently I stood alone watching the other kids, all about my age or above 14 anyway, messing around together on the framing. From what I could tell they were playing “Tag” but I wasn’t really listening. I was just waiting eagerly for Andy to show up.

I was really lucky to have a friend like him; I was shocked when he said those nice things to me, even after he found out I was gay. He’s the first male friend here who’s stuck by me and for that I’m grateful. I never want to talk to girls seeing as they all go goo-goo eyed over me. I know I sound vein but I also know I’m not a bad looking guy…and neither was Andrew.

Ah! See! There! I just can’t stop thinking about him. Everything I’m thinking of something, even if it’s totally unrelated, it always ends up back to him.

The truth is…I think I’ve fallen for him.

I know I’ve only known him for one day but he’s shown me such great kindness, even being my friend makes me think the world of him. I only have a few other mates back home so when I make a friendship I always hope to make it a lasting one and this was no exception.

I also know his little secret. It made me feel secretly proud that I’d figured it out; I felt like a great detective. Though, to be honest, pretty much anyone could tell. I mean every time he gets near me he just clams up and starts blushing like mad! I can just tell that he’s gay. Takes one to know one as they say.

And I had a sneaky suspicion that he likes me too. Well, I hoped so anyway. I was never expecting to meet anyone nice here seeing as all the boys in the past have just ran away or called me “homo”. I anticipated all the boys here would be like that. But not Andrew.

I was kind of sad that he didn’t tell me about it. Although I suppose I have only known him for one day so he has plenty of time to tell me if he wants; I’m not going to force it out of him. I know what it feels like when you want to tell but it can take time before you build up enough courage to share it.

I remember that although my parents were one of the first to know there was also another. One more person that I told first and that was Ricky.

Man I hated that guy. Not just because he dumped me, but he broke my heart. I suppose it was quite ironic seeing as it was pretty much the same situation me and Andrew are in now, only I was the one that was hiding my sexuality.

Ricky was one of the first homosexuals I’d ever met, he was one of my mum’s friend’s sons so we saw each other on a regular basis, and deep down I knew I had feelings for him. Feelings that made me feel tingly and act like Andy acts towards me now. He was a great guy, I adored him and in the end he was the very first person I told.

He said it made him happy I told him first and it made me happy knowing that I’d made him happy. We started dating and it was around about that time that I told my family; it was getting difficult to constantly come up with excuses to see him and my mum’s friend had said Ricky mentioned something about it once to her.

My parents weren’t exactly fine with it but they didn’t protest. Those were the best days of my life, five months ago marked the six month we’d been dating each other. It was then I started noticing he’d always usher me to my bedroom more often and kissing me more desperately.

I knew something was wrong so when I asked him he’d told me that he was burning. Burning with the lust to take me, to be my first and to make it special. I loved him, I really did, but I was scared and told him I wasn’t ready yet. I also pointed out that, although it was my birthday in a few days, I was still under the legal age limit for sex; I was just fifteen, although it was his sixteenth several weeks before. At that moment the Ricky I knew disintegrated and something new stood in his place. He demanded I have sex with him and that I’d do it if I loved him.

I was so scared that night but I couldn’t cry for help. The shame of it would be too much. He forced himself on me and in the end…we did it. No matter how much I begged and pleaded he wouldn’t stop; he was too strong for me to oppose and just kept going and going until we both reached our limit. With that he stopped and left with a few final words to me.

”You’d have had done it willingly if you really loved me”

And with that he disappeared in to the night. I stayed in my room all night and eventually cried myself to sleep. He called a few days later to clarify it was over, but I already knew that. When anyone even mentions his name I get reminded of what he did to me. Not only did he rape me but he took it; he took my virginity. I read somewhere that your virginity is something special and that only you could give it to that someone, the someone you care about the most. The someone who you know will always love you and will keep it forever; not just take it and think nothing of it but treasure it as much as they treasured you.

Ricky did nothing of the sort. He just dirtied me and left me in the mud. I can never get it back and it’s all his fault.

I hate him. I hate him so much!

The tears that had been swelling up in my eyes eventually overflowed and trickled down my face. Thinking about it again was just too painful. Knowing I’ll never be able to give my virginity to the someone I love was heartbreaking and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get over it.

“Hey Randy. Sorry I’m la-…are you crying?”

Recognising the voice I instantly turned in the opposite direction and swiped at my eyes and cheeks with the back of my hand.

“N-no” I hiccupped. If that didn’t make it obvious then I don’t know what did.

He gave me a funny look and tilted his head slightly.

“You know…if you want to talk about anything then you can tell me” Andrew whispered.

I shook my head slowly, not wanting to bother him with my problems. He was here now and that’s what mattered. I just wanted to spend time with him and be happy, maybe even get to know him a little better. I mean, we did talk for quite a while in the café but he didn’t say very much about himself. Better than me I suppose; when he asked something about me I either just nodded, shook my head or gave him a very vague answer. I hope that didn’t make him think I don’t like him because, in fact, it’s quite the opposite.

“No” I sniffed “it’s alright.”

“Okay then, if you’re sure” he smiled, making me copy.

He was so sweet!

“I feel better already now you’re here” I grinned.

He hummed in agreement before his face turned serious.

“I…I wanted to talk to you about something but-” he turned his head around to look at the playing kids. It seems we’d attracted quite a bit of unwanted attention from the other teens “-can we go somewhere a bit more…private?”

“Sure” I said slightly hesitantly.

What? Why would he want to go somewhere more private? Was he going to tell me? I kind of hoped so because even in the little time we’ve spent together it would be nice to know that he trusted me.

He nodded gratefully and led the way to the side of the “Tromboo” café, it was nearby so it didn’t take long. Once we stopped walking Andy just stood still, looking down with, what looked like, watery eyes. Ah yes, I remember I cried when I told Ricky…that bastard.

It was quite a big thing to get off your chest so I couldn’t really blame him.

“Do…you want to talk?” I started.

I never really knew how to begin when I was telling Ricky so I thought a little encouragement could help.

He nodded his head solemnly and managed to lift his head.

“Erm…I really don’t mean to burden you with anything” he croaked.

“I’m sure whatever it is I’ll be able to take it” I assured him. Yeah, this was it; I could tell.

“Umm…I was talking to my dad”

Ohhh, dad probably wasn’t the best place to start.

“Well I say talking but it was more of an argument” he laughed sadly.

Oh, so he didn’t take it too well then. I hope he’ll be alright.

“It’s just that he said some things…and they kind of upset me. I know how girly that sounds but I just wanted to talk to you”

“It’s alright” I patted him on the shoulder “I’m here for you.”

“Thanks”

I decided to edge him on. I know it might have upset him even more but I knew if my dad said something that made me want to get away then I’d most likely want to share it.

“What kind of things did he say?” I continued.

“He-he said that homosexuals were g-good for nothings” he stuttered, barely managing to keep his tears back “and that it’d be better if I forget you” he finished quietly.

Forget me? No! I really liked Andrew and now his dad wants to take me away from him? I know it seems so soon after the Ricky incident but I’d like to start another relationship; especially if it were with Andy, he’s one of the nicest guys I’ve met and now he’s not allowed to see me? I really didn’t want that but I didn’t want him getting in trouble with his dad either. Wait, if his dad said he should forget me then why did they say he could stay out late? If he were arguing with them then they would surely know that he was going to see me.

“Did your parents really say you could stay out?” I asked.

He looked at me, slightly shocked before closing his eyes and shaking his head. I felt so sorry for him, now he’s going to be in trouble when he gets back; not only for sneaking out but for seeing me too. I sighed and brought him in to a hug. He tensed up, probably because he wasn’t used to hugging other guys, but quickly relaxed and buried his face in to my shoulder.

“I’m not doing what he says, not this time” I mumbled against my jacket.

We stayed like that for a few moments. There wasn’t anybody around that could see us and I enjoyed his company, not to mention the fact that he was hugging me so tightly and closely. Probably because he didn’t want me to let go so I could see him crying but I could tell from the damp patch I felt beginning to form on my fleece anyway.

He pulled away after a while and I bit my lip. It was a nervous thing I’d gotten in to a habit of doing; I always do it when I’m thinking. The reason I was nervous was because I got a strong urge to ask him out. I mean, he was upset and obviously needed comforting. A boyfriend could do that, right?

No! I shouldn't do that! That would just be taking advantage of the situation and that wasn’t right. I’d just be manipulating his feelings to get want I wanted…just like Ricky and I wouldn’t want to turn out like him.

But I know I’m not just going to use him so it should be fine really.

“Umm, Andy?”

“Yeah?” he replied. Although he still looked pretty sad he seemed to have cheered up, even ever so slightly, now that he’d got it off his chest.

“Now that your dad knows-“

“And my mum” he cut in.

His mum knows too? I wonder how she took it.

“Well, now that they both know, I was wondering. I mean, you’re a really nice guy and…will you go out with me?”

He stared at me with a confused expression and a long silence stood between us. It was odd really, he just told me he was gay and I know that he likes me so it shouldn’t be that hard of a decision really should it?

“I-I’m not gay” he said in a not very convincing voice.

“What? But you just said that you and your dad were arguing about because you told him and he upset you” I argued.

“No, I said that we were arguing about the fact he said I wasn’t allowed to see you any more. I told him you were gay and he didn’t like it so we started yelling at each other” he exclaimed, somewhat flustered.

“…Oh” was all I could say. Man I must have looked like such an idiot!

Another silence fell and let me tell you it was awkward. I suppose I shouldn’t have assumed from such little information that he’d told them, I should have listened to all the facts first.

“I’m sorry” I muttered, breaking the silence.

“Don’t worry about it” he smiled.

Yes! He still wants to be my friend after I just asked him out! Score!

“But…” he trailed off.

But?

“I could be convinced” he murmured.