Tension

Sighing as I looked at the ultrasound photo’s my longtime girlfriend; Liz had posted on facebook I wished I could have been there. It wasn’t so much that I couldn’t have told the guys I would be late to the studio, it was I forgot and now I knew she wouldn’t forgive me for missing our unborn child’s first ultrasound.

I didn’t know what I would do without Liz. She was my rock, my main support system. Don’t get me wrong my mother was supportive but she was still waiting for the band to fail or kick me out so she could say I told you being a rock star wouldn’t work out. She had always wanted me to go into business like my father, who had never been in the picture but had always seemed to guide my life through my mother’s undying love for him.

I didn’t want to be that kind of father. Rarely ever there because my schedule was always full. Sure we had a break coming up soon from recording before we went on tour again, which was going to cause me to miss the birth of my first child. I wanted to be there for Liz and the baby. Watching them grow, seeing the smile on her face as they laughed, smiled, crawled and walked. I wanted to hold Liz when we witnessed our child learning and growing. But I would always be busy.

Lately I had noticed a tension rolling off of Liz like boiling water, so hot in fact that I was afraid to touch her for fear of burning.

Getting in my truck I waved the guys off as I made my way home. It was once again early morning: five am to be exact. I knew she would just be waking up to go for her morning walk and the ready for work. I worked basically all day and most of the night and she worked all day, there was never any time for us.

Sighing in frustration, I pulled into the driveway, parked and slammed my hands against the steering wheel. I missed my Liz; the time we spent simply together, wither we were doing something or not I missed it.

Climbing out of the car, I made my way into the house pondering over the latest lyrics Matt had written. They really worked for what my life was at the moment.

”I got no free days on my busy schedule
I turn the page and it’s the same
Don’t like my situation, you don’t either
Don’t wanna look back scared, I will get away,”

Singing under my breath, I slipped out of my runners and walked towards the kitchen, wondering if I would catch Liz before she had to leave. I wasn’t however, expecting to walk in and see her sitting at the table waiting for me. Tears in her eyes as she sat reading lyrics that Matt had given her the other night, since she made the cover art most of the time for the albums. She was hunched over them, a cold cup of tea beside her as if she had been there for a while.

“Liz?” bolting upright she sighed, wiping at her eyes. “You ok baby?”

Laughing mechanically, she shook her head as more tears slid down her pale checks. “No Johnny, I am not okay. You’re working to make money for our family, but you aren’t going to be here to raise that family.” I was startled that she had basically just quoted the same song I had moments before, but she was right.

Walking around the table instead of sitting across from her, I pulled her chair back so that she was facing me as I kneeled in front of her taking her hands in mine.

“I’m sorry baby. I know. And now you are going to work and I’ll sleep all day and we’ll see each other in passing when you come home and I leave. I’ll kiss your lips quickly, tell you I love you and leave and then come home and we’ll do it all over again. I need some peace of mind, it’s got me tired. I don’t wanna lose it, but I’m turning down that road. Can you just take me home baby. Keep me here with you.” Wrapping her arms around my neck she cried into my shoulder while I rubbed her back, my arms around her waist and extended stomach.

“I don’t want to lose you Johnny, but I can’t take this stress anymore. I need you home but then I feel selfish. I quit work yesterday and came home to an empty house. You weren’t here. I can’t stress over work anymore; it’s not as important as our family.”

Nodding I pulled away so I could press my lips to hers.

“I’ll let the guys know I’m not coming in today. You and our baby are more important at the moment. I’ll work something out with them so I can be with you when you need me. Maybe you could even come to work with me and do you album stuff while we mess around figuring everything out,”

Nodding her head, she agreed with me silently. She had bags under eyes and I realized she had been up all night reading Matt’s lyrics and most likely crying. She had probably wanted to call me but didn’t want to interrupt in case I was busy. Standing up I pulled my woman to her feet and rubbed her stomach before leading her upstairs, stopping only to lock the doors and strip myself of my jeans and shirt. When I climbed into our bed, Liz beside me I felt the tension slip away. This was home and it was where I should feel relaxed. I shouldn’t be busy when I was here, this was a place for us; a home for the three of us.

Wrapping my arms around my girlfriend I pulled her into snuggle, whispering the one thing that would always be true, “I love you,”