Whatever It Takes

.OCTOBER.31.1998. 2:46 PM.

I walked through the store with a small basket on my arm. Rice Cakes - 60 calories per serving. I set the bag down in my basket, next to three waters, a small bag of celery, and other assorted vegetables, and fruits. I looked around, making sure no one was watching me as I checked Nutritional Fact charts on everything I picked up.

I re-adjusted my sweater, pulling on it uncomfortably. I was never comfortable in situations such as these. I looked down in my basket, content with what I had. I began walking towards the front of the store, glancing around me once more to make sure no one was scrutinizing. No one was realizing what I was doing.

I passed the Hostess goods, and slowed a bit. <Frosted Donuts. Cakes. Ho-ho's. Twinkies. Brownies. I snatched up three six-frosted-donut packages, slowly placing them in my basket, before hurrying off to the check-out. I took out my cellphone, and checked the time. I had about an hour before Milo would be coming to get me. About forty minutes until my parents would be home.

I quickly paid for my goods, before hurrying out to my car, getting in and high-tailing it out of there to get home. I glanced at the bag sitting in the passenger seat. I could see the donuts. I looked back towards the road. I got restless, and turned on the stereo. I pulled into my driveway, glancing quickly towards the clock on my dashboard as I pulled in, making sure I still had time.

I hurried into the house, locking the front door behind me. I carefully put my purchases away, putting them in the exact places they were supposed to go, and then brought out the three packages of donuts. I got out a plate, and arranged them carefully. After, I washed my hands. I never licked my fingers, as digestion started immediately in the mouth. I got out my cell phone, setting it down next to me. I set the timer on it for exactly three minutes and thirty seconds. Once the timer went off, I was finished. If I didn't eat every donut, then it wouldn't be eaten.

I started the timer, immediately popping one of the donuts into my mouth, chewing as I felt the confectioner's sugar melting away in my mouth. I continued eating, revelling in the taste of the fattening donuts, eating as many as I could as fast as I could. As soon as the timer on my cell phone began to beep, I drank a glass of water, pounding it down as fast as I could. I felt the bittersweet nausea rush to my head.

So much sugar, so much food. All down in three minutes. I left my phone and the plate sitting on the counter, as I calmly walked to the bathroom, enjoying the nausea I so longed to feel. It was a high that I could never get enough of.

I turned the light on in the bathroom, and opened up the toilet. I opened the small cupboard beneath the sink, and dumped a little bit of bleach into the toilet, before kneeling infront of it. I took a few more seconds to enjoy the nausea I was feeling, and prepared myself for the next wave.

I calmly placed my finger in my mouth, brushing against the back of my throat, letting my senses take over. I heaved, letting all the donuts I'd just eaten come out. I watched the water and confectioner's sugar pour into the toilet, loving the high it was giving me.

I finished up, and flushed the toilet, falling back against the wall of the bathroom, panting a bit. I closed my eyes and sat there for a minute, letting myself focus on my senses, on the high my body was riding out. I let myself fully enjoy it, before getting up and pouring a bit more bleach into the toilet, then brushed my teeth. I checked the mirror, and fixed my eyeliner, as my eyes had watered a bit.

I bit my lip and looked over the scale sitting in the corner, before walking over to it.

The neon green numbers jumped, going up, before stopping. 101.

I groaned, and walked over to the mirror, turning sideways. I lifted my sweater up partially, looking at my stomach, poking it. I glared at my reflection before walking out, and cleaning up the counter. I looked at the clock. 3:17.

Milo would be here soon.