Boyfriends and Brothers Don't Mix

Hey, my name’s Eliza Anne Preston. I’ve got my mom’s kind of curly hair, but it’s brown like my dad’s, and I’ve got Dad’s eyes. They’re the same shade of green, and I practically love them. I guess you could say I’m moderately attractive. I’ve got an average body type and I swim at the Y a lot, which is supposedly, like, the best type of exercise you can get. So, yeah. I guess I’m the kind of girl that should get at least a boyfriend or two a year, if the relationships don’t last. There’s just one problem.

Well, maybe four.

One isn’t so much of a problem anymore - Henry Paul Preston is my eldest brother. He’s in college now. He’s working hard so he can be a lawyer and bail me out of some sticky spots - jeez, don’t hurt yourself, I was just kidding! He got Dad‘s hair and eyes, like me. He’s the least of my worries when it comes to the ‘boys’ department. Until his breaks, that is, when he comes home and teases me to death.

Next up is Duane Austin Preston. He’s the senior, and the one leaving at the end of this year. But he still intimidates guys I like. He’s got Mom’s strawberry blond hair and her eyes, and he’s practically a chick magnet. Seriously. So was Henry, but Duane has got them sticking to him like glue. They’re not the type you’d call keepers, though. They’re more the one-night-stand chicks…not that that’s what happens! He’s never out late with them. That doesn’t really mean anything, I guess, but off that subject, now.

The middle child is me, of course.

After me is the double trouble. Seriously. Double Trouble go by the names of Gregory John Preston and Stephen Ashley Preston - yes, Ashley. It used to be a guy’s name before it was a girl’s, you know. They’re my twin brothers. They’re freshman this year, and they both got Mom’s hair. Henry’s the only brother that didn’t get Mom’s hair, and all I got was the curly part of it. Anyway, Greg and Stephen are identical twins. The only thing that separates them is that Greg has Mom’s hair and eyes, but Stephen as Mom’s hair and Dad’s eyes. They’re probably worse than Henry and Duane are when it comes to me and guys.

I’m a sophomore, one year up from the twins. And I, like I’ve already said, have Mom’s slight curls, but mine are the chocolate brown shade of Dad’s hair. And my favorite features are the emerald eyes of Dad’s that I was blessed with.

My brothers are annoying when it comes to boys and I. It’s almost like I can’t take care of myself for anything, and that they need to watch over poor little Eliza because she’s the girl and she, of course, cannot take care of herself even though she is sixteen years old. Seriously. The one boyfriend I had last year was chased away by Duane because of the innocent little comments that, of course, meant more than he actually said and was, of course, picked up upon by David. The boyfriend.

I went on a date last summer, but double trouble - Greg and Steve - followed me and scared the poor boy off by pouring piping hot coffee on his head…which, as they found when I chewed them out, could seriously injure him by way of severe burns or even, the least likely but still possible scenario, brain damage.

Basically, if I ever want to get married and have a family, I’ll probably have to have a secret boyfriend for a few weeks so I can warn him about the four boys in the family, and Dad. Dad scared the first kid who ever had a crush on me off by saying he’d put spiders in his hair. Mom scolded him for that, of course, but it was first grade, and Timmy Jones was never one to like spiders. Even to this day he won’t go near one unless he’s got means to kill it.

“This is so not helping me finish my algebra,” I muttered, tapping my pencil in time with my music as my irritated thoughts roamed through my head.