Take It to Heart

“How does this look?” I asked Oliver, emerging from the bathroom with a cherry red fashion blazer and flowing black dress on. The dress stopped right at my knees and I wore opaque tights underneath.

Oliver looked up from where he sat on the bed, already dressed in tan slacks and a black button-up. No matter how nice he looked, his neck tattoos always peaked out of his collar as a reminder. “You look fit. I like this choice much better than the other.”

I spent the last forty-five minutes fretting over what to wear to the rehearsal dinner and finally settled on the current ensemble. Oliver was a champ about it all. He watched me duck in and out of the bathroom with different tops, bottoms, and underwear. I thanked him for his patience with a sideways smile.

“Oh, your collar is a mess,” I fussed and smoothed out the ridges of his shirt. My fingers lingered at the ends of the collar, where I could easily tug him forward for a quick kiss. The placement of my hands was so similar to the night when we kissed in his friend’s back garden. Those memories of touch, taste, and feeling came roaring to life in my chest. I felt heat rise up the back of my neck and my stomach tighten. Oliver did nothing but watch me, his face calm and unreadable.

I let go of his shirt abruptly and turned away, hiding the blush that crept from my neck to my cheeks. In the mirror above the guest room’s dresser, I examined myself once more. My hair was curled, which was a rarity, and I leaned forward to smooth out the lipstick gone awry on my bottom lip. I could see Oliver lean forward to put his elbows on his knees. He watched me inspect myself from head to toe. Nerves took over my body. Tonight would be the first time I made an appearance in front of any of Lark and Josh’s network. I knew that the night would go by in a blur, but I needed to act and look my best. Nothing stressed me out more than a room full of strangers.

“Are you two ready?” My dad called from the living room. I had apparently been holding everyone up.

With a deep breath, I grabbed my purse and Oliver’s arm and tugged him out of the room with me. “Yes, sorry, off we go.”

The rehearsal dinner, or so I was told, would be much more intimate than the actual wedding. However, if Lark and Josh considered roughly one hundred people to be intimate, I couldn’t image how many people were attending the actual wedding. Dad led Oliver and I around to the different groups of people. I grinned, chatted, and drank like it was my job. Oliver seemed to be handling everything much better than I was. He must have been used to an excess of people around him. And even when strangers stared at his tattoos, whether in wonder or disapproval, he managed it all with ease.

When we finally sat to watch the casually dressed couple run through tomorrow’s routine, I was happy to settle into a seat and nurse my umpteenth drink of the night. Josh failed to mention how wealthy Lark’s family was. Her father paid for the entire wedding and left no stone unturned. Even the streamers crisscrossed above us must have cost more than half my wardrobe. Plus, he hired a DJ for both the rehearsal and wedding. Lark’s dad, Seth, and her mother, Susan, sat at the same table as my dad, Oliver, and me. They chatted happily with the same personality Lark had. We all quieted down as Lark and Josh practiced their vows between laughs and “uhms.”

Josh grabbed Larks hand at the end and turned to the crowd waiting patiently. “To tomorrow!”

He enlightened me that the rehearsal was their pregame for the wedding, since neither of them wanted to drink tomorrow night. “We want to be sober, so we remember everything,” he said. “So we are drinking tonight and praying not to have hangovers.”

“Cheers to that,” I replied, clinking my glass against his.

Josh took my arm by the elbow and dragged me outside the main doors. He lit up a cigarette, proving that old habits never seem to die. “We haven’t had any alone time,” he said. “How is university? And this new boyfriend? I was skeptical, but he seems like a nice lad.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I corrected. Josh eyed me suspiciously. “And university is good, I only have one more year after this. Then hopefully I can get out of Sheffield, or at least out of mum’s house. I’m trying to work something out with the South London Press.”

Josh grinned at me, impressed. “Does mum know about that?”

I shook my head. “No one does. I don’t want to let on about it until I’m sure I can get something. Moving out and to London would be a massive change. I’m worried about how mum would react with me leaving her.”

He paused a moment, flicking the cigarette butt to the ground. “How is she?”

“Mum?” I asked. He nodded. “She’s okay, Josh. It’s just… maybe you could come visit or something. After you have your honeymoon and get settled wherever with Lark… just promise me you’ll visit?”

He stepped forward, wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and kissed my forehead. “I promise, Rose. Now, enough of this, we have better things to do.”

At this point in the night, people began to dance and properly enjoy themselves. I met back up with Oliver just in time to watch a woman embrace and kiss my father. She had short, raven colored hair and wore a blue dress. “Does your dad have a girlfriend?”

An odd feeling built up in my chest, like the day I met Charlie for the first time. It made me a little nervous and a little nauseous. I silently slipped my fingers into Oliver’s impulsively and led him to where my dad stood. “Come with me?”

Josh warned me about Josephine, but seeing her in person was not exactly what I expected. She must have been ten years younger than my dad and had a lively spirit. Upon meeting me, she had me turn in a circle to “get a good look and put a face to the name.” I fought the urge to grimace and roll my eyes. Who did this woman think she was, twirling me around like some doll? I started to feel very emotional, because I instantly disliked her despite the warm smile on her face. And my dad obviously liked her more than a little. It overwhelmed me at the realization that another person might permanently enter my life.

I learned that Josephine preferred to be called Jo, and she also had a daughter who was a couple years younger than me. Actually, there wasn’t much about her that I didn’t learn. She really didn’t stop talking. I waited for her to sum up her long breath of information, but it never happened. Maybe my dad liked her because she filled the silence, and the void. But she kept trying too hard to relate to me, while simultaneously ignoring Oliver, who was attached to my side.

Unlike my dad, Jo was automatically off put by Oliver. She shook his hand, but the smile was forced. Even when we sat around the same table, in conversation with other groups of people she acted presumptuous. Seeing her react like that, I leaned into him more, almost defensive. At least I had the decency to pretend to enjoy her company. Never once did Oliver act or look uncomfortable, but I could tell he was. Once Dad and Jo split off into a separate conversation, I shifted in my seat, turning my shoulders to face his. He offered me a smile and blew his bangs out of his eyes with a breath of air.

I frowned. “You’re hating this.”

“Only as much as you are,” he defended, raising a brow at me.

“Oy, I never said I was hating this.”

“I can see it. Your smile keeps wavering, you don’t like her,” he said with a shrug and dipped forward to whisper in my ear. “We could bail, yeah? A cab, a spliff, a cuddle?”

The closeness sent my heart skyrocketing again. This can’t be happening. I don’t want to feel like this because of the tattooed mess of a lad in front of me. No matter how much I wanted to suck his bottom lip between mine and wrap my arms around his neck, it was a horrid idea. A cuddle though, that was tempting. I made up my mind the second he brushed his lips over my cheek as he pulled away. His lips had been daringly close to mine. I blame my decisions on alcohol, which I already consumed an alarming amount of.

My hand was on Oliver’s neck as I leaned forward, ready to steal a real kiss from him, when a loud voice sounded behind us. I whipped my head around, surprising Oli because his lips still connected with my neck. Goosebumps traveled up my spine and down my arms from his contact, but the chubby, bearded kid right behind us ruined the moment.

“Oliver Sykes, innit?” he spoke quickly with a lopsided grin. He was obviously piss drunk and slightly wobbly. “I’m a big fan, mate! I saw you at the Download Festival a couple years back. What a show!”

Oh no, this guy recognized Oliver from his band. The band I wasn’t supposed to know about. My eyes flicked back over to Oliver, who forced a smile. I hissed at him, “What’s he on about?”

Oliver ignored me and greeted the kid with a handshake.

“I know you’re with your lass here, but would it be too much trouble for a photograph?” Beardo chimed in again and held up his phone. “I don’t have anything for a signature.”

Oliver nodded and stood quickly. He positioned himself next to the kid long enough for him to snap a selfie with his phone. I watched angrily now. Of course I always knew he was in a band, but Oliver also never told me about it. He even lied about where he was on weekends that his band played a show in other cities. And now he was acting so nonchalantly about the whole thing. Why had he never told me then, if it wasn’t a big deal?”

“Come see us again, mate,” Oliver said. “We play London in a couple week.”

Once he was gone, Oliver’s eyes settled back on me. I crossed my arms. “What the hell, Oliver?”

Other people were watching us now. They saw the fan approach and get a picture and I wasn’t about to cause more of a scene. So I followed Oliver out the nearest side door, into the cold night. Flurries surrounded us, threatening to really snow. I stared at Oliver with chattering teeth waiting for him to talk. Instead, he slipped off his blazer and placed it over my shoulders.

“I should have told you sooner,” he started. I opened my mouth to replied but he held up a hand. Had I just been shushed? He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it between words. “You were the first person I’d met in a long time that didn’t know about the band. You didn’t meet me through the other lads. It was a huge relief not having to put on the same act other people expect. I drink, I smoke, I fuck up, but I didn’t have to overplay it around you.”

“I’ve known you for a long while now, you should have known I wouldn’t care,” I replied. He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck and then across his face.

Oliver chewed on his lip between drags from the cig. I could tell that his mind was trying to formulate something to say. “After a while I forgot you didn’t know. Then I started to fancy you, but didn’t want you to be put off by that image of me.”

I choked on air after hearing his words. When he started to fancy me? I instantly forgot all about the band nonsense. “You’re joking, truly. Right?”

A cocky grin replaced the nervous pout on his face. He flicked the cig away and suddenly took two steps closer. “Why would I joke about a thing like that?” His fingers brushed back a stray curl that fell from its place behind my ear before he tucked his fingers behind my neck and met me halfway for a small, teasing kiss. “We could still bail.”

I was frozen, eyes still shut from his confession and his kiss. My heart needed to slow down. I peaked at him through half shut eyes and threw myself back at him. Fuck it, why not. Our tongues tangled and my arms found a way around his neck. I didn’t even feel his arm leave my side to hail a cab, but next thing I knew we were settled inside with quiet folk music coming from the front seat.

“Do you forgive me?” Oliver asked.

I rolled my eyes. “I guess I have to.”

Oliver paid for the cab when we got out at my dad’s house. Out in the back garden, we drank more and smoked more until my vision began to blur. We sat together on the old patio bench, arms linked. Oliver tapped out the spliff and set his cup on the ground beside us. Oliver pulled me from where I sat beside him and up into his lap, with one of my legs on either side of his. My skin suddenly felt hot and bothered. His palms drifted the back of my thighs to my butt. They stopped there for a moment before caressing my hips and waist. All of this happened while he kissed me softly and slowly. It felt so different from the other times we kissed. It had been a very long time since I had been this close to sex. Nearly a year. It freaked me out, everything was moving too quickly.

I pulled away from the kiss and set my face into the crease of his neck. I was too drunk and too high to go any farther. “I think I need to sleep.”

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked, concerned.

I shook my head and climbed off of him. My legs were shaking and my heart was beating loudly. I wanted to sleep with him, but I didn’t all at the same time. “Come to bed with me?”

We managed to change and get into bed while in the dark. We didn’t speak anymore that night, but I knew everything way okay. Right before I drifted off I felt his arm slip around my waist and pull me into his chest. How did I let all of this between Oliver and me unfold?