Take It to Heart

“Sorry, I didn’t have my phone last night.”

I started my morning off with a quick text to Oliver. I didn’t mention the present he said he had and I didn’t necessarily lie about not having my phone. Naomi did have it in her purse for a couple hours. By the time I rolled out of bed at half eleven, the rest of my household was bustling about in the living room. Mum was hosting a dinner party for New Year’s Eve and decided to rearrange the furniture a few days in advance. Naomi nursed a cup of tea for breakfast with a bottle of aspirin sitting on the edge of the table. Charlie was either at work or the grocery, evident by the missing key in the dish on the kitchen counter.

My feet dragged toward the kitchen as Mum bent to rotate the rug around the living room floor. She had a vase of fake flowers tucked under one arm, looking feverously around the room.

“Does this look alright here?” she asked. “Or would the couch look better with the back facing the kitchen?”

“It was facing the kitchen,” I said. And to entertain her question I added, “If you keep it where it is now, the room looks bigger.”

“Should have told her the rug really ties the room together,” Naomi piped up when I approached. She shook the bottle of pills at me.

I poured two into my palm and took them dry. “Thanks.”

“I see you have your phone in hand. Did Zummie text you?”

“Is he supposed to text me?” I fired back.

“I may have planted that idea seed.”

“You hag,” I jested.

Mum’s new teakettle was already in use next to the toaster. I poured out a cup of my own hot water, dipped a bag in it, and added a spot of milk. The first drink burned the roof of my mouth, but I kept sipping anyway and took a spot next to Naomi. We watched my mum step back and survey the room, moving things she would only notice to new spots.

“So I was thinkin’,” Naomi started, “we could go down to London the first or second week of January if you still want to check out that newspaper. New year, new job.”

I rested my chin against the heel of my hand. “Yeah, that works for me. If I could line anything up for summer I would be ecstatic.”

“This is your last semester, yeah?”

I nodded. The feeling of almost being done with university filled me up with warmth line sunshine on a cloudy day. I had one term left. One.



“The two of you need to get out of my kitchen!”

Mum swatted at Naomi and me with a dishrag. She was dressed in a nice, blue dress with matching jewelry decorating her. She’d been cooking all afternoon and we pounced on the finger foods once she went upstairs to change. Our house transformed from a Christmas card setting to a New Year’s event spot. Confetti was sprinkled on the dining room tables. Mum even brought out her nice wine glasses, the ones with a circle of gold around the rim. There were party poppers and pointed, paper hats. Board games were stacked near the fireplace, ready to keep the real adults awake for midnight.

“Is Anna still meeting us here first?” Naomi asked, “She’s late.”

Perfect timing. The doorbell rang moments later. Anna was dressed in a shiny, silver dress. Her red hair was a mess of curls that served as a backdrop for her eccentric makeup. Naomi and I were a lot less loud in our style choices. She wore a short, black skirt and sequined top. My dress was tight across my chest and stomach, but flared out near the hips. It was black with gold lace that sparkled in the light.

Naomi drove us across Sheffield. The party was the same house from Crosspool. Before we went inside, Anna stopped us from getting out of the car and locked the doors.

“I have a party favor,” she commented and pulled a small vial out of her purse. Dusty, white powder filled the space.

“Coke?” Naomi asked, more than intrigued.

Anna nodded and looked at me. “I know you normally skip out on drugs like this, but it’d be fun! There are two hours until midnight, might as well keep our energy high.”

I threw the idea around my mind for a while. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d snorted coke, but I also didn’t know if I could handle it at a party that was already spilling out into the front yard. I preferred the buzz and warmth of alcohol and the natural blush that always made my face glow. Eventually, I caved and let Anna arrange a line of the powder on her compact makeup mirror. She offered me a rolled, five quid note. I held one nostril closed and inhaled the cocaine through the money straw. The bridge of my nose itched and my eyes stung. I massaged my face and sniffed hard, composing myself while the mirror rotated around the car.

My heart started to race and my attention to detail escalated. I felt like my spirit was flying. My heart raced. I was pumped. I stat back in the seat and checked my nose for white residue. I fixed my lipstick and lashes, made sure my hair was in the right position. I caught sight of my large pupils and closed the mirror.

“Ready?” Anna asked. She grinned, her teeth vividly white.

A disco ball hung from the ceiling in the living room. Lights of all colors reflected off the mirrored sphere and lit faces around the room. My attention flickered as often as the colors, bouncing between alcohol, people, and music. Anna had my wrist in her hand, pulling me to the center of the room. All the furniture had been moved to frame the walls, leaving ample space for people to dance and grind together. Anna raised her hands above her head, swaying her hips along with the music. Naomi appeared later, with three stacked cups and a handle of rum.

“It’s all I could find, “ she said. “Drink up, ladies.”

We drank the alcohol straight, letting the coke mask the taste. Naomi’s friend Lore was dancing around the room, popping cheap sunglasses onto people’s faces and beads around their necks. Glitter floated around in the air, clinging to people and objects. It was a stereotypical New Year’s event.

“Don’t look now,” Naomi said. “Zummie just walked in.”

Anna eyed me. “Who’s that? You’ve got another bloke?”

“No,” I replied.

“Maybe,” Naomi answered at the same time. We shared a look.

Anna groaned. “You never tell me anything. I’m always the last to know everything.”

“Don’t get carried away. I only met him a couple days ago.”

“Met who?”

An arm slung around my shoulder, warm and heavy against my neck. It was Zummie, his eyes red from drugs and the lopsided grin on his face. “Me, right?”

“This is Anna,” I introduced.

He extended his free arm to shake her hand. His other never left my shoulders. “Drinking games, let’s go!”

Playing Two Pence with Zummie was vastly different than playing with Oliver. He’d already taken two or three drinks for me since I couldn’t keep up. That, and he was the person skipping over me each time, causing me to drink anyway. His motive wasn’t to get me sloshed. Instead, he genuinely wanted a good time. I was in the middle of bouncing the coin into the shot glass when Zummie made it before me, again. I snagged the ale from the center of the table and took a few good chugs.

“I’m so behind because of you,” I said to him.

“You don’t know the proper way to bounce the coin,” he replied.

I could barely hear him over the music. While the coin rotated around the other side of the table, I still had to make my shot. Zummie scooted behind me and placed his hand over mine. He moved my wrist back softly and taught me the motion to flick the coin down, just hard enough that it sank into the clear glass effortlessly. Once my glass passed to the next person, Zummie’s fingers slid between my own, his palm against the back of my hand.

“Do you want to dance?” he asked.

The coke was wearing off but the alcohol was kicking in. I told myself that’s why I said yes, not admitting that he was cute or that I wanted to run my hands through his curled hair. It was innocent fun, if you count swaying my hips against his innocent. I didn’t commit to seeing him outside of parties. It reminded me of sixth form, when parties became a regular thing and hookups came and went.

Zummie’s hands slide up my sides from their previous position on my hips. His fingers rested where the band of my bra wrapped around my torso under my bust before sliding back down, pulling me back against him. The motion sent goose bumps across my arms and neck.

I scanned the room, dancing on autopilot. Anna was in a corner snogging some blonde-haired blokes face off. Her tight dress inched up her back, nearly exposing her bum. Naomi wasn’t in the room. Knowing her, she was either in the kitchen raiding cabinets or in the back garden looking for cigarettes. With neither of them paying attention, I let myself mold into Jimmy’s body. It wasn’t overly sexual or gropey.

“I think it’s almost midnight,” he whispered into my ear. His lips were ever so close to my skin. “Do you want another drink?”

I nodded, pulling myself away from him. I backed out of the center of the dance floor, finding a wall to lean on while Zummie went the opposite way in a hunt for alcohol. Being on my own, I took in the atmosphere of the room. Girls in high heels stumbled, boys chugged out of beer bongs. It was a mess of bodies, noise, and glitter. I didn’t have to pull out my phone to know it was close to the New Year. Everyone was checking their phones, watches, or the people next to them. Whispers escaped the bubble of groups, five minutes. Maybe less.

A loud noise took over the foyer. Cheers pulsed from the doorway, as it swung open, letting in the nearly late party guests. I watched out of boredom, attempting to see who was behind the ruckus. I choked on the gum in my mouth when I saw the culprit. A skinny, tattooed body entered weaved through the mass. I couldn’t see his face because three girls were taking a photo near the entrance, but I knew that it was Oliver. Dark wash jeans, a baggie jumper. Hand tattoos and shaggy hair. All signs pointed to Oli. He wasn’t alone, a few people filtered in after.

My heart thumped widely behind my ribs. I could feel it in my throat. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He wasn’t supposed to know these people. That was the whole point of following Naomi around to all these parties: they were a different set of people. I scanned the packed living room with hurried eyes, trying to figure out if Zummie would be coming back anytime soon. I spotted him, beer bottles in hand, heading my direction.

I didn’t need anymore to drink now. The floor already felt uneven and my skin was hot from the liquor jacket coating my body. Plus the sudden risk of being spotted by Oliver made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I should have stopped glancing back to where he pushed through the crowd. He started looking around like he could feel my gaze.

Oliver spotted me, standing near the stereo with no one else around. I tried to breathe in the tight dress while averting my eyes. Maybe he didn’t realize I’d spotted him, too. And then there was Zummie, twisting through people with the same destination as Oliver. I felt myself nervously tapping my foot with short exhales pushing through my red painted lips.

Then it started. The counting.

“Fifteen! Fourteen! Thirteen…”

Midnight hit like a storm. The countdown started at fifteen-seconds ‘til, but the room’s counts echoed in slow motion. I could have bolted out the back door; the handle was in reach after all. My feet were heavy like bricks and I was unable to move as the two of them narrowed in on me. A small smile tugged on Oliver’s lips. Zummie had all his teeth showing in a big grin.

“Nine! Eight! Seven!”

I needed to pull my attention away from one of them. I couldn’t continue to dart my eyes around the room, where everyone but me was oblivious to the situation. Zummie was at the coffee table now. It separated us, and he bent at the hips in a hurry to set the bottles on the glass surface.

“Rose,” I heard from my right.

Oliver didn’t even shout. I picked his voice out of the crowd and it distracted me from looking at Zummie, who was in the process of sidestepping around the table.

“Four! Three! Two!”

One.

In one second, the whole room erupted with streamers, glitter, and noises. The distractions whirled around the room like a tornado. The New Year was suddenly upon us.

Then everyone was kissing, and I couldn’t see anything but blurs. I didn’t know who grabbed me. Warm hands clutched my neck and jaw, just below my ears, and the hands’ owner kissed me. He sucked the breath and words right out of my mouth. My eyes were pressed shut and my arms hung useless at my side. I let whoever it was tilt their head and lick along my lips before tangoing with my tongue.

I opened my eyes slowly, cautiously.

Green. The eyes were green.