Experts of a Rising Rockstar's Girlfriend

It’s too early.

Those were the only three words my thoughts could form as I dragged my feet step by step along the pavement toward the open side door of the van. Each step seemed to take as much exertion as if a twenty pound weight was attached to each foot. It took every bit of my will power to keep my eyelids from dropping over my brown eyes and to resist the temptation to give up my physical efforts and plant down myself in the middle of the parking lot. My only comfort was the knowledge that I wouldn’t be the only zombie this morning.

“Why?” Zach groaned with his body leaning on the outside of the white van and his forehead pressed against the window at my sluggish approach. Someone remind me when I’m awake to make fun of the attractive red mark that’ll end on his forehead when he decides to move his face.

“Why, what, Zach?” I sighed, stopping just before the open door, using any excuse to stop moving.

He shifted his white v-neck clad torso in my direction, half of his face becoming visible. One of his blue eyes opened to look at me, “Was last night really necessary?”

I shook my head, my wet curls falling in my makeup free face, “No, probably not.”

“Remind me to kill Michael later,” he turned his face back against the window.

Snorting I found the energy to roll my eyes, “I didn’t see you protesting.”

“You weren’t either,” he resorted, using his hands to shove himself off of the van. He rotated himself around to face me with his dark brown hair hanging over his red forehead, “Did you ever stop dancing last night?”

A blush crept up my neck, “Uh, well yeah.” No one should give me an energy drink past nine o’ clock. It results in potentially embarrassing situations.

Zach pulled one corner of his mouth up into a smirk and shoved his hands in his black skinny jean pockets, “Kinda surprise you could dance like that.”

“And what do you call what you were doing?” I mocked, crossing my arms over my chest, raising one of my eyebrows, “Because I certainly wouldn’t call it dancing.” How sincerely I wish I could unsee whatever the hell it was. People who can’t dance should never try.

Before Zach could voice his comeback to my remark the rest of the crew all seemed to flood from inside the hotel toward the van at once. The only individual I could see who was even the slightest bit awake was Dillon; he’d opted out of our little hotel party for some shut eye. Probably would have been a smart move considering Cameron just completely over stepped the side walk and almost took a face plant into the asphalt. But its not like anybody else was fairing much better, Michael walked straight into the front of the van and Nathan narrowly avoided a head on collision with the mirror. I had the urge to whip out a smart remark but then I remembered tripping over nothing in the hallway this morning and decided I didn’t have any room to talk.

Cameron walked up to me with his mop of brown hair in disarray and his index fingers rubbing back and forth along his eyes. Even as tired as I was the sight nearly sent my heart into a frenzy. It shouldn’t be legal for a human being to look that absolutely adorable at seven in the morning, especially after staying up till four.

“Hi,” he mumbled, letting his arms rest back down at his sides. He opened is eyes and gave me a small warm smile, “How’d you sleep?”

Chuckling I took a few steps closer in his direction, “I slept fine. It just wasn’t long enough.”

His arms snacked around my lower back and he bent his neck down to rest his head on my shoulder. “I know,” he sighed, his words barely audible.

I returned the gesture and wrapped my arms around his waist, the fabric of his blue and white plaid button up brushing against my soft skin. If it hadn’t been for his large hands rubbing up and down my back I would have thought he was sleeping. His breath was even blowing on the skin of my exposed neck and his head weighed heavily upon my shoulder. I imagine if it hadn’t Michael come up behind him to smack Cameron in the ass, we’d have both easily fallen asleep standing up in the middle of the parking lot.

“You two, seriously, no one wants to see this.”

Cameron yanked his head up with a start, “Ow! Man that hurt!”

“Lovebirds needa getta move on,” he stated, climbing into the van, the usual black sunglass concealing his eyes. You will a suffer a slow painful death Michael Martinez.

Sighing I released my hold on Cameron’s waist, “Let’s go. Maybe we can catch a quick nap on the ten minute ride to radio station.”

- - - -

If had a dollar for every time I’ve watched the boys play “Journey to the End of My Life”, I’d be filthy rich. I could spout out the words with half my brain turned off and sing you the melody and the harmonies better than Michael. (Which, to be honest, really isn’t saying too much, but you get the point.) Yet, somehow, each time I hear it, it’s like I’m listening to it for the first time all over again.

As Zach’s voice and the acoustic guitars chords flowed through my ear canal, I couldn’t help but let a smile break on across my face. Watching them perform the song, even in front of the small cluster of fans and the handful of radio officials, my reaction was always the same. The fact was no secret to Cameron; he knew how I felt about the song and always made a point to send me a wink or a heart warming smile at some point during the performance. This time was no different.

Right as they broke out into the chorus preceding the rap, he locked his green eyes with mine, pulled his lips over his pearly white teeth, and sent me a quick wink. I twisted my head to the side, breaking eye contact, to conceal the heat surfacing on my cheeks. One would think I’d get used it by now, but no, I never have and probably never will.

When I turned my head back around to watch them finish the last song of their acoustic set the first thing I noticed was a pair of brown eyes staring back at me from the floor. Confusion, jealously and most of all accusation, I noticed, even with the distance I was from the teenage girl, were the prominent emotions shining in her eyes. This startled me and I quickly averted my attention back up to the four boys on their second chorus. No one had ever looked at me with those kinds of emotions before; I had half a mind to be scared.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the brunette shifting her gaze back and forth between Cameron and I as if she was watching a game of ping pong, throughout the rest of Dance Forever. I hoped and prayed Cameron wouldn’t put anymore special attention in my direction and up until the very last moment, I got my wish. It wasn’t until the last notes had faded and the thank yous and goodbyes had been exchanged did he motion for me to follow them out the door.

I had the urge to smack my palm against my forehead as I reluctantly followed. If she’d suspected anything before, he’d just confirmed her suspicions. Why can you be like most boyfriends, Cameron, who ignore their girlfriends half the time? Oh, that’s right, I wouldn’t be dating you.

Back out front, the boys were all smiles as they loaded the guitars into the back of the van. I stopped a few feet away from the pack, my hands in the back pockets of my shorts listening to their recap of the performance.

Cameron broke away from the group conversation when he noticed my presence, “Hey, what’d you think? We do okay?”

“Course,” I smiled, reaching a hand up to tuck a curl behind my ear, “You always do.”

He returned my smile, the corner of his eyes crinkling. “Wanna help me find a bathroom real quick?” he asked, as he closed the van door with a loud thud.

“Uh, sure,” I chortled, surprised by his rather odd question, “But why do you need my help to find a bathroom?”

“I don’t wanna go alone, come on,” he whined, the grin still attached to his round face. Do I really have a boyfriend who has to be accompanied to the bathroom?

“Whatever you want, Cam,” I said, amusement sprinkling my tone.

Rotating back around to follow Cameron back inside the radio station, I noticed the crowd of girls coming out through the front door. I had the instinct to spin around on the heel of my black converse and make a b-line for the van. The brunette from earlier, who I’m more than positive is somewhere in the mob, didn’t need anymore reasons to suspect there was anything going on between Cameron and I. But, it was already too late, they’d spotted us within a matter of seconds and if I backed out now, I’d only look like a fool.

A chorus of requests for picture, hugs, and autographs erupted when we reached the head of the pack. Cameron, being the gentleman he is, even with a full bladder, politely postponed the situation, “Really gotta go pee, guys. I’ll be back, promise.”

Once we’d successfully maneuvered our way through the teenage bodies and made our way through the glass door, I twisted my neck in his direction with my eyebrows raised in question, “Any ideas where the bathroom is?”

“Nope,” he popped the p with his lips with a mischievous smile.

He laced his fingers through mine and led me down a deserted hallway just to the right of the door. Confusion over took my senses, “Then where are we going?”

“Don’t know,” he turned his back around to wink at me.

“Uhm, okay?” What is this boy doing?

Cameron stopped suddenly, his eyes checking our surroundings before spinning around to face me. The beautiful smile he wore stopped the question on my lips. All I could do was create a grin of my own.

“I really don’t have go to the bathroom,” he confessed in a voice not far from a whisper, his arms encircling my waist just like they had this morning in the hotel parking lot.

I released a girlish giggle, “Then why are we back inside the building?” My arms drape around his neck without thought.

He bent his neck down, closing the gap between our two faces, “Because I forgot to do something this morning.” His breath sent sparks up and down my spine as it fanned over my face.

My heart thudded unevenly as I waited for his lips to brush mine and when we finally did kiss, it seemed to explode right inside my chest, just like every other time I’d kissed him. His touch was soft at first, his lips moving slowly, revealing in the moment. But soon his actions became more urgent, and I couldn’t stop myself from tangling my fingers in the hair at the nap of his neck.

We broke apart with heavy breaths and full blown smiles. He pecked my lips sweetly once before taking my hand and leading back down the hallway toward the mob of fans outside waiting for him.

- - - -

“And I was like baby, baby, baby, oh-“

“You are not singing that song right now.”

Zach sent me a smirk over the top of his silver Macbook from across the room, “So, what if I am?”

“Then I wouldn’t be surprised if you wake up tomorrow and that jean jacket your so fond of is no where to be found,” I threatened, shrugging my shoulders nonchalantly while typing the word “tumblr” into the address bar of my own laptop.

“Don’t touch my jacket.”

“Don’t sing the song.”

Do you hear that? It’s the sound of a silenced Zach Porter. Now I can do my social networking in peace.

White posts with black text stood out against the blue background of my tumblr dashboard. Various pictures of the boys were spread out along the pages, along with videos, and moving pictures commonly know as “GIFs”. I clicked an adorable picture of Cameron smiling directly into the camera and reblogged it, adding the most fan girl comment I could think of: “Omg. I can’t handle him. He’s so adorable.”

You see, on tumblr and one of my “personal” twitters I’m kind of a poser. Not a poser in the sense that I pretend to be a celebrity, a poser in a sense that I’m not really portraying who I actually am. There’s only so much you can know about someone’s fans without actually being a fan yourself. It’s like cliques in high school, you have to be in the clique to know what’s rumor and what’s truth. So, I pretend to be just like everyone else, a fan with no personal connection the boys what-so-ever.

I find it rather it entertaining. Not only do I get to see what their fans realistically think of about them, I also get to freak out about how absolutely adorable I think Cameron is to people who won’t make fun of me. Of course, it’s slightly exaggerated and if any of my followers ever found out who I really was I’d be done for, but that’s beside the point. I enjoy it and it’s informative.

Seeing a red box with the number two appear at the top of the page, I clicked the word tumblr once to refresh my dashboard. The first post that came up was a video and the moment I saw the screen capture and the caption, my heart logged in my throat. I desperately clicked the sideways triangle in the middle of the image, clinging to a last shred of hope that it wasn’t what I already knew it was.

Cameron and I were walking hand in hand down the radio station hallway. He sent a wink back in my direction. Stopping, he turned around to face me and his arms wrapped around my waist with mine finding their way up around his neck. Only a few moments passed before our lips collided and only a few more before our kiss become more passionate and less innocent. The screen went black the moment our kiss ended.

My eyes stared unseeingly down at my laptop's keyboard. I didn’t know what to think or how to feel. I felt my nose beginning to burn and before I knew it hot tears were welling in my bottom eyelids. I blinked and whipped them away with the sleeve of Cameron’s sweatshirt, trying to clear my head.

There wasn’t any mistake who the boy and girl were in the video. Everyone who knew Cameron would recognize him. The girl who’d posted the video was someone with a decent chunk of followers, almost all of them with interest in Allstar Weekend. It was only a matter of time before the video racked up notes and was on every Allstar Weekend related dashboard. Soon enough someone would send it to oceanup and then anyone who follows young Hollywood gossip would know Cameron Quiseng had girlfriend.

The reality sunk in. There’s noting anyone can do to stop this. Everyone will know. And I’m not ready for them to.

“Ashline….are you okay?” Zach’s voice, laced with concern, snapped me out of my trace. I’d forgotten I wasn’t alone.

I didn’t look at him, fearing he’d read the emotions on my face. Keeping my gaze on my computer screen I lied, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

I should have known he’d see right through my pathetic attempt at a lie. He sat down on the arm rest of my chair, putting an arm around my shoulders, “Then why did I just watch a tear roll down your cheek a few seconds ago?”

Still not looking at him I angled the laptop in his direction. Without saying a word I pressed play.

I had no desire to watch the video unfold for a second time, my gaze was focused on studying the patterns of the orange carpet.

“That’s you and Cam…..” Zach acknowledged, slightly perplexed, “Isn’t that the radio station we were at this morning?”

“Yes,” my tone was flat and unemotional.

Watching the rest of the video he was silent and I wasn’t looking at his face so I couldn’t gage his reaction. Finally a few moments after the video had reached its end, he spoke, “Where’s this posted?”

“Tumblr,” I told him, letting myself look up at his slender face.

His expression wasn’t angry like I’d expected, the dominate emotion upon his face was concern. “Ashline,” he said softly, his ocean blue eyes gazing down at me, “I’m really sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” I asked, bewildered. If anything I’d expected him to be furious at our carelessness, not to be sitting here telling me he’s sorry.

“Of course, I’m sorry,” he stated, seeming shocked I’d believe any different, “This affects you more than it does anyone. You think I wanna see you get hurt?”

Zach’s sincerity caught me completely off guard, my breath hitched in my throat, “Thank you.”

He bent down slightly to pull me into a hug, his chin rested on top of my head and his hands rubbed my back softly, “You’re welcome.” He pulled away and gave me sad smile. “Are you gonna show Cameron?”

I nodded my thoughts already way ahead of him, “Do you know where he is?”

Zach shook his head, “No, I’d try calling him.”

I scooped my Blackberry off the table next to me as Zach got up from his position on my chair’s armrest. I pressed the “G” on my phone keyboard, the word “Giraffe” showing up as the first contact option. Taking a deep, shaky breath in, I pressed the green send button.

Cameron’s voice flowed through my speakers just before the fourth ring, “Hey Ash, what’s up?”

It took me moment for me to find my voice, “Uh, can you meet me in your dressing room?”

“Um, sure,” he obliged his voice rising in suspension, “I’ll be there in minute. Everything alright?”

“I’ll show you when you get here, okay?” Oh god, why do I feel the tears coming on again?

“Okay, I’m coming right now,” he now seemed urgent and full of apprehension.

“Bye.”

“Bye, Ash.”

I ended the call with the press of a button and let it fall across my lap. I set the laptop on the chair side table and put my face in my hands.

I wasn’t so much afraid of Cameron’s reaction, I was more afraid of what I knew all this would mean. We wouldn’t have a normal relationship anymore; we’d have a public relationship. Interviewers and fans would ask questions about our relationship, expecting answers that should only be known by the two of us and the people around us. I’m not ready for any of that, but I really don’t have a choice.

Lifting my head from my hands, I shoved my body out my chair to address Zach, “Do you mind if I talk to Cameron alone?”

He looked up from his Blackberry, immediately springing to his feet, “No, of course not. I completely understand.”

“Thanks, Zach,” I said gratefully, a small smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

He took by surprise again when he trod across the room to embrace me in another quick but meaningful hug, “Everything’s gonna be alright. We’re all here for you.”

“Okay, now I’m officially scared,” Cameron exclaimed as he walked through the doorway, “You two never hug. Something must seriously be up.”

Zach backed awkwardly toward the door away from me, “I guess I’ll talk to you guys later.” And not before his last word escaped from his mouth did he vanished from site, leaving Cameron and I alone.

Cameron stared at me with anxiety in his sparkling green eyes, “Ashline, seriously, what’s going on? You sounded really upset over the phone.”

Sighing I took his hand and lead him over to my laptop sitting on the table. I turned my body toward him, craning my neck to look up into his eyes, “Do you remember this morning when I went to ‘the bathroom’ with you?”

“Yes,” he answered, never breaking my gaze.

I broke our eye contact to twisted my torso around and start the video, “Turns out we weren’t as alone as we thought.”

I watched his face for the entirety of the video, wondering how he’d react. The first emotion on his face was recognition, the second was shock, and the third emotion weaving its way onto his face was worry. He knew what this meant as well as I did.

Upon the video’s completion he averted his gaze back to me. Silence lingered before he spoke softly, “I should have been more careful.”

I shook my head, my hair falling in my face. There’s no way I’m letting him blame this on himself. “This is my fault too.” I let him kiss me in an open hallway within a public place.

He sighed and ran a hand through his wavy brown hair, “I’m not gonna lie.”

“What?” I asked, not following his thought process.

He took a step forward to close the distance between us. He grabbed both my hands and brought them level with his chest. “I’m not gonna lie and say you’re not my girlfriend and the kiss meant nothing,” the determination in his eyes seemed to burn a hole right through me, “You’re my girlfriend, I care more about you than almost anyone. When I kiss you it’s not nothing, its everything.” He released my hands to cup my cheeks, his thumbs stroking the skin softly. I couldn’t breathe with the emotion choking my throat.

“And besides,” he went on, a tiny smile reaching his expression, “No one would believe me anyway. From the video, it’s pretty obvious we have something.”

I dropped my gaze from his eyes and focused on his chin. My voice came out in whisper, “I don’t know if I’m ready for this, Cam.”

He put his index under my chin, making me look up at him again. His green eyes were shining, “I don’t know if I am either, Ash. But as long as I’m with you, I can face anything.”