Love or Lust?

There he was, staring at me from across the room, a crowd of horny and restless teenagers dancing frantically between us. His blondish brown hair, that had once been shoulder length, was now short and a complete mess, and no longer covered his deep hazel eyes. The first three buttons of his plaid shirt were unbuttoned exposing the words "Unus Amor", tattooed on each side of his collarbones.

I remember one time, after band practice, only the two of us went to pick up food for everyone. It was mid-summer and, even thought it was night, it still was hot. John was wearing a gray tank with his skinny jeans adorning his skinny legs. We weren't talking and Won't Back Down by Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers was filling the silence. I stared at him for a while, just contemplating him. I had always wondered what were the meanings of his tattoos but never asked him, because I thought it was something personal he wouldn't like to tell me.

He stopped by a red sign and turn his head to me, giving me his breathtaking smile. "What?"

"I was just wondering," he furrowed his brows and I leaned forward, touching slightly on his tattoo. "What is its meaning?"

Our lips were inches apart, the desire of tasting his was craving me inside. His eyes either looked at my lips or my face, until he gulped and put his hand under my chin, lifting it.

"You can love one, two, even maybe ten people, but there is only that changes your life forever."

I shook my head as if it would erase those painful memories and drank my cup of gin in one gulp.

"Someone is getting drunk tonight," Roxie took the cup from my hand and tossed it to the floor. "What's bothering you?"

"It's not what, but who," a confused look adored her features and she mouthed a who. "John fucking Callaghan."

I immediately regretted my last action, seeing her mouth open wide and her eyes almost popped out. Before she could ask me anything else, a guy asked her to dance, which she accepted, leaving me alone with a reminder to tell her everything later.

After so much lies, I guessed it was time to let out the truth. Just tell her and everyone what was going on between me and John, even though no one had noticed. To their eyes we were just John and Sarah, good friends, nothing more. To our eyes we were each others desire.

He was talking cheerfully to a group of guys, using his hands to gesture something until they broke into laughter. His eyes caught mine again and his smile melted my heart - it did every time - but he would never know that. I blinked him seductively and went in the middle of crowd, trying to find the kitchen.

The kitchen was practically deserted, aside from a couple macking intensely against a wall, but they didn't even notice my presence. I grabbed a new red plastic cup and filled it with black vodka. I sat in the counter, leaning my head against the wall, taking a gulp before drifting into thoughts.

I wanted to end this game of lies, seduction and sex. I'd always wanted to finish it, even when we were in the beginning, but I knew if I stopped, John wouldn't want to have anything more with me or even be something for me. That's why whenever I was near him, something stirred in me and brought the wilder side of me, causing me to act seductively and slutty.

"Sarah," my heart raced at the sound of his voice, bringing back memories of the times that he had called me, sometimes whispering in my ear, sometimes calling me randomly and most often moaning with pleasure.

He was looking at me waiting for me to give him any kind of signal that he could move. Hesitantly, he got closer and stood between my legs. He put his hand in my face and pulled some hair behind my ear, always with uncertainty invading his eyes. Then he started stroking my face gently, afraid that I would reject him. After one year of getting what he always wanted, he should know I would never reject him, even if all he wanted was a small, meaningless kiss or a quick fuck.