Clumsy Little Heart.

Jack is pretty sure he’s an idiot. No, wait, he knows he’s an idiot.

Alex, his best friend slash object of his affections has just asked if he was okay. Jack had said yes, when the answer was so obviously a no.

Jack kind of wishes he’d told the truth and then maybe Alex would’ve stuck around and maybe Jack could’ve finally told him.

But then at the same time, Jack’s glad he lied and said he was fine. That way Alex doesn’t have to see him fall apart. No one needs to see that.

Jack bites his lip. All Alex ever does is leave, really. Whether it’s for England, or just the next town over, or even something really small, he always leaves Jack behind.

Jack kind of guesses he’s used to it by now.

It’s not even like Alex is the first boy he’s felt this way for; all of which he never told and then let them disappear from his life.

Jack sighs, glances around the room and tugs at the bed sheets. It’s Alex’s room. It has been since they were only small.

He stands, stares at his reflection in the mirror and frowns. He’s falling apart. He sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes.

He’s tried so, so hard to keep his feelings hidden from Alex for all these years. Zack found out in the early days, but Jack made him swear to never tell anyone, not even Rian.

But then Alex nearly found out. Jack and Zack had been discussing the situation and Alex had overheard and demanded to be involved in the conversation. Jack, embarrassed, had run off, and Alex had followed.

Jack finally decides he can’t stay in Alex’s room for the rest of the day –that would be weird, and probably make him feel worse about his predicament.

So he ruffles his hair, wipes his eyes, and heads downstairs. He passes the room where Zack, Rian and Alex are sitting and they all stop and stare at him as he walks past for the front door. When they hear it close quietly behind him, Zack immediately glares at Alex.

“What did you say to him?” He demands.

“Nothing!” Alex replies indignantly, “I asked him if he was okay, he said yes, I left him. Figured he just wanted to be alone for a while.”

Rian narrows his eyes and shakes his head.

“Alex, you know that when Jack says he’s okay, he’s usually everything but.” He sighs, and Zack nods in agreement. Alex swallows.

“Should I go after him?”

“You probably should.” Zack says, and Alex stands and heads for the door. Jack’s car is long gone, and Alex looks down the road for a long time, searching for Jack’s car. After a few minutes, he sighs and returns inside.

Zack and Rian look at him expectantly.

“Car’s gone.” Alex explains, and Rian sighs.

Jack’s gripping the steering wheel with a somewhat unnecessary force, mainly to stop himself spinning the car out of control and ploughing it into the nearest object that could do some damage; currently a red car parked just across the street.

He tries, he honestly tries, to think of a good reason just to do it (that isn’t ‘I have a fucking crush on my straight best friend’) but he can’t. He sighs, loosens his grip on the wheel a little and frowns to himself.

The real reason he doesn’t is because he couldn’t hurt Alex like that.

Alex meanwhile is fumbling around the house looking for his car keys, and eventually Zack gets frustrated and catapults his own set at the older boy.

“Use my car, dammit. Just don’t fucking crash.”

All the way to Jack’s house, Alex is wondering what the hell happened, and maybe if he could’ve stopped it, could’ve helped. He has a short mental battle over the severity of the issue before deciding if Jack’s both lying to him and crying, that whatever it is, it’s a big deal to Jack.

Jack parks his car outside his house and as he opens the door his older sister immediately senses something is wrong.

“Jack? You okay?”

It’s when he shakes his head, runs his fingers through his hair and sighs, making a beeline for his room that she begins to worry.

May doesn’t need to see him fall apart either.

He sinks down onto his bed, blinks his eyes shut and sighs, trying desperately to piece back together the shards of what he guesses is his heart stabbing at his insides.

May barely stands up to follow her brother when there’s a knock on the door. She answers it to Alex, who she looks at for a long time before regarding him with a soft smile.

“You’d better try to talk to him.” She says quietly, and Alex pushes past her and runs up the stairs, throwing open Jack’s door.

The younger boy stares at him, and Alex bites his lip as he sees his tears.

“You never did tell me what was wrong.” Alex says gently, sitting down next to him and putting an arm around him. Jack flinches, but Alex doesn’t notice.

“I can’t.”

Alex gives him a stern look and Jack swallows.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start with this... this thing.” Jack continues.

“You could just try.” Alex suggests, resting a hand on Jack’s knee. He doesn’t notice the way it makes Jack cry a little bit harder.

Jack looks at Alex for a while, and Alex looks back at him with a look of confusion.

Jack bites his lip, deciding fuck it and leaning forward to kiss him.

The kiss lasts for all of two seconds before Alex realizes what’s happening. He pulls himself away quickly and stands up, stumbling for the door. Before he closes the door, he gives Jack this, this look of complete and utter disgust, which quickly burns itself into the younger boy’s mind. He’s not going to forget that look for quite some time.

Alex slams the door and the sudden noise makes Jack jolt. He stares at the wall opposite him for a few seconds while the tears start to fall.

He curls up into a ball, faces the wall and starts to sob.

He should have figured something like that would happen; his life’s never really run smoothly, even when he was only small.

But he thought, he honestly thought that Alex would be a better person than that. He could’ve just said ‘I’m sorry, I don’t feel the same way’ but he didn’t.

Jack bites his lip again, blinks a few times to disperse the tears gathering on his eyelashes.

Yeah, he thinks, I’m an idiot.