Kisses On The Necks Of Best Friends

I woke up to find myself tangled up with Ryan. I smiled slightly to myself once I had finally figured out that last night wasn't a dream. I tried to occupy myself until he woke up by playing with his hands. Strange thing, I know, but his hands were always one of my favorite things about him. They were beautifully shaped, and the fingers were long and elegant. They reminded me of the hands of a brain surgeon or a watchmaker. I traced the lines on his palm and across his wrist.

Across his wrist?

I looked closer at the line. It was a razor-thin silvery scar running across his wrist, almost directly over the vein.

He couldn't have...

I looked closer.

That scar was just one of many. A tear slipped down my cheek, falling into his hand.

He started, then opened his eyes.

Once he realized where he was, he smiled.

The smile faltered when he saw my tears, now coming out at a steady rate.

"What is it Babe?" he asked softly, lifting up my chin with two fingers and making me look into his eyes. I turned my head.

"Why'd you do it?" I asked instead. He looked at me, confused.

"Do what?" he inquired. I just continued stroking the scars. He finally noticed what I was doing and swallowed dryly.

"Oh, that... Uh, Bren, well, that was a long time ago, and it will never happen again." now that he admitted it, I felt the overwhelming feeling rise in my throat.

Panic attack.

I always had them when I was younger, but I hadn't had one in over 5 years.

"No, no, no, no Ryan please, please, please don't leave me, oh god, Ryan please!" I begged. He looked startled, then realized what had happened. He held me close.

"I'm not going anywhere Brendon, I promise." he embraced me until the feelings had passed.

"Never?" I murmured sleepily. He leaned down to my ear.

"Never."