Wonderful Life
Nineteen
Week 33: Cassie weighed just about four pounds and I was starting to waddle as she was filling out. Sitting comfortably and even sleeping: Not as easy as it sounds. I was also playing bumper cars with chairs and counters, just in the way.
All during this whole pregnancy, I was a trip, really starting to feel pregnant, even though I had been for the last several months. I was still tired, and had experienced occasional migraines and the bouts of dizziness and I was practically a blimp, carrying the baby low, for as tiny as I was. Looking back, my first trimester was nothing compared to this and I was longing for my second trimester where I was feeling energized and ready to go.
My third trimester symptoms weren't as bad As I was eating double what I would, whenever I was out or just at home. I also noticed that my ankles, feet, hands and face were swelling just a bit, and I was convinced that I looked like a marshmallow. I was also experiencing bouts of clumsiness. And I was beginning to experience massive kicking in my lower abdomen.
It felt so great, and to feel my baby kicking inside me, I was awed and amazed. The first time I felt the baby kick, When I told my mother, she told me to write it down so I could tell my doctor. She said that it would help to confirm my due date. Emotionally, I still swung back and forth between joy, apprehension, irritability, and others. My emotions were still a mess and I had no control over them.
I was adamant in keeping Christian out of everything, and my mother agreed with me. My father was of the same opinion and he was doing what he could to make sure that Christian stayed away from me, but it wasn't that easy. I wasn't going to even think about including Christian in any of this, he didn't deserve to be a father to this baby, after all that he did to me, and what he did to my family.
~*~
Today, I was going to the doctors, after all I was going through, I was going have another check up, to make sure that everything was going okay and thankfully, my father was going to be with me, so if I ran into Christian, I wouldn't be alone. So when I got to the office, my name was called and, I waddled back into an exam room.
The nurse, Elizabeth, took my blood pressure, my pulse and all that other stuff. Then I laid back on the table, waiting for my doctor to come into the room. Dr. Hunter came in, smiling and that made me smile.
"Gemma, how are you today?" He asked. "Feeling better?"
I smiled back. "I'm very....." And I was cut off by a familiar face walking through the door. I looked up to see Christian. He was in a pair of dark blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a pair of Nike's. He removed his sunglasses and smiled at me.
"What the hell is he doing here?" I asked, turning to face my father.
My father shook his head. "You...I told you that....Okay, Christian, you can leave. I don't want him here and he's not going to be involved. I have three months left and I'm not going to spend them dealing with him, I don't have that time. I have to stay stress-free and with Christian even around, my patience is going to be thin." I seethed, and felt a kick to my belly. My baby was not happy that I was unhappy.
"Christian, you need to leave." My father chastised. "Gemma doesn't want you here."
I ignored Christian's pleas to talk and turned to Dr. Hunter. "Ready to do this?" He asked.
I nodded. "Yes." I answered. "Christian, leave."
Once Christian left, Dr. Hunter lifted my shirt as my father sat beside me and turned on the ultrasound machine. While waiting for that, he applied a clear water-based gel is applied to the area of my lower and middle abdomen. Before I could ask, I was told that it was to help the transducer make secure contact with the body and eliminate the air pockets between the transducer and the skin. Then he pressed the transducer firmly against the skin and sweeps it over the area of interest.
I heard the little thump-thump and smiled. The smile was firmly planted on my face as I saw my tiny little baby.
"Would you like a picture of the baby?" He asked and I nodded.
I was anxious and then he said the one sentence that made my day. "Your daughter is about four pounds and still growing. It appears that you've stayed away from the stress and you're showing signs of improvement." He replied and I smiled.
I was floating on the clouds. Dr. Hunter wiped my stomach off and pulled my shirt over my belly, and then my father helped me sit up. He handed a sonogram to both myself, and then exited the room. I carefully got to my feet and then grabbed my things from the chair.
I waddled out with my father behind me.
~*~
Week 34: Cassie was the size of a tiny cantaloupe, and growing. For me, I was tired all the time and I had restless nights filled with pee breaks, tossing, turning, trying to get comfy.
Week 35: My baby is the size of a honeydew melon, and growing even more. She's supposed to be gaining more weight as we speak. My uterus reached up under my rib cage, and it was crowding my other organs. I was hoping that in the next few weeks, the baby showed up. I finally decided on an epidural, wanting to be pain free when my little girl came.
Week 36: The baby was taking so much room, I couldn't eat a normal sized meal. I was waiting for the baby to actually drop, but since I was so small, I was sure that I wouldn't feel it. I was also starting to feel pressure increasing in my lower abdomen, walking uncomfortably and peeing even more. I just hoped that it was going to be over soon.
Christian was intent on being around all the time, stopping off at my father's place and just to get rid of him, I went back to Brian's house, where he didn't know where I was. I was alone tonight, Colbie wasn't here, she had been very secretive the entire time, and Matt had been gone as well. I gathered that they were off doing something, and I didn't want to bother them.
As for me, my weight gain had slowed down and had occasional headaches, sometimes feeling faint. I had horrible leg cramps, but I actually got Sam to massage my legs, each time I went to see him. He was wanting to hear about everything that had to do with the baby and smiled when I showed him the recent sonogram. He couldn't wait to meet her, and considered her his daughter. Sam considered Cassie his daughter, and I considered him Cassie's father.
But today, I was lounging around the house. I was exactly thirty-six weeks along and it was only a matter of time before I gave birth to my daughter. Everything was okay, even though I felt heavy, and my back aches were increasing, due to the baby who was getting heavier. My butt and my pelvic region was aching and there was some pain from time to time and my ankles were swelling.
My tummy was itchy and when my belly button was sticking out, the guys found it both fascinating and funny. The day I felt my baby drop, it was weird, but normal, and I was experiencing false contractions, and they were painful from time to time, it was just a sign that I was getting farther along.
My appetite decreased and I didn't eat as much as I used to. And I was very sensitive and very moody, though I was more scared than any other feeling, I wished that she'd come already, but I was scared to leave her, if something went completely wrong. I didn't want to Cassie to go to Christian, and though I had plans to have a happy life with my family and friends, and raise this sweet little girl, I wanted her to be taken care of if something went wrong.
But knowing that I didn't want my baby to be an orphan, or go to Christian, I had to legally set up someone to take her, in case I didn't make it. I knew that the one person I could count on was my mother, so I had called her and set up everything just in case.
"Gemma, we don't have to do this. You've been doing fine, and I'm sure you'll be okay." She said.
I shook my head. "No, Mom. I want to do this, and as long as I know that as long as either you or Colbie has Cassie, then she's safe from Christian. I won't let him touch one hair on her head. I wouldn't trust Christian as far as I could throw him. You and Colbie, are the only two that I trust to raise her." I explained and with great reluctance, she signed the papers.
"Do you have everything ready?" She asked, signing the papers. "You know, for the hospital?"
I nodded. "She's got everything she needs, and she has a name. And she'll have my last name, not Christian's." I said, and we talked for a few more minutes before she left.
~*~
That night, I was alone, since Colbie was gone, and the guys were out with the girls, and my parents were out at a charity event. I thought that everything was okay, when I got up from watching a bit of television, and knew something was wrong when I started feeling sharp, prolonged pain in my stomach as I got up from the couch. It was continuous and wasn't stopping and as fast as I could, I had reached for my phone, and dialed the first person I could find in my contacts.
"Bri...Brian....I....Brian....I n-need h-h-help." I cried, slinking to the floor.
I felt some more pain and knew that he would get the gist of what was happening and then I heard him speak. "I'm on my way, Gem." He said and I ended the call.
I sat there, trying to to breath deeply and keep calm when I heard the door open and then heard Brian's voice.
"Gemma, where are you?" He called.
I winced at the pain. "B-b-bedroom." I replied. "OW!"
He walked in and more pain struck me. "She's coming." I cried.
"Honey, you're only thirty-six weeks." He said as he picked me up, scooping me up in his arms.
He rushed me to the hospital and they immediately took me into a room. I was sitting in a dinky hospital bed, my feet in stirrups, and was waiting for Dr. Hunter to get in here, and while I was doing that, time seemed to pass and I was now, hooked up to an IV, I was in an ugly blue gown with my hair pulled back into a ponytail, holding my mother's hand and enduring the contractions.
A few minutes later, Dr. Hunter came in, all dressed up in his green scrubs, and though I knew what was going to happen, I was scared for myself and for my daughter.
"Gemma, since you're only thirty-six weeks, you've gone into pre-mature labor and it says here that you've started to experience sharp, prolonged pain." He said as he sat down on a rolling chair, and then over to where my feet were. He lifted the blanket and began to take a look at my lower half.
Brian was sitting at my side, holding my hand and as I felt another jolt of pain, I squeezed his hand. "Okay, you are now at stage one, and it looks like you're now experiencing regular uterine contractions with cervix dilation, you're almost dilated to four inches. We're not going to induce, since you're practically on your way to having the baby. I'm sorry, but you're not going to be able to have an epidural." He informed me.
~*~
Thirty minutes later, as I was laying there, fearing for my daughter's life, Dr. Hunter came back into the room, and returned to looking down at my lower half. "Gemma, are the contractions getting stronger and happening more often?" He asked.
"Yes. I feel the need to push. I want to." I cried, sitting up, and having Brian help me.
Dr. Hunter nodded. "Okay, I'm going to count to three, and on three, you're going to push for me." He said as he put gloves on.
"Okay, Gemma. 1....2.....3. Push!" He instructed and I squeezed my father's hand as I gave it everything I had.
I fell back after it was done. "Okay, I can see her head. I need you to push. Come on, Gemma. 1...2....3....Push!" He said. And I gave another push.
Hours later, I felt like my heart was going to stop, when I heard crying and looked to see Brian holding a tiny little girl. She was here, and I was alive, this was the most amazing day of my life. I anxiously awaited my daughter as I was being stitched up and made sure that I was alright.
Dr. Hunter came back after Brian handed my daughter to a dark haired nurse named Lila.
"Gemma, I don't want to alarm you. Um, now due to you giving birth this early, your daughter was born prematurely. She's being cleaned up and being taken to the NICU, she'll be in there for a while, and we'll be monitoring her progress. As of now, she's 4 lbs. 5 oz. and 19 inches long. She's very tiny." He began, explaining it to me.
I nodded, crying and trying to process it all. "All premature infants require special care in a neonatal intensive care unit where their heart function, breathing, and blood pressure, and body temperature can be closely monitored, and oxygen, ventilators and tube feeding are available." He added.
"With the level of care available, she'll be kept in an incubator, a clear plastic enclosure that is temperature-controlled to accommodate her need for extra warmth. She has to be handled slowly and gently. We encourage you to interact with her, feed her, change her and hold her. And because her internal organs have not finished developing, she's facing a number of potential health risks, including a greater susceptibility to infection. Even the smallest infants, those weighing less than 3 lb, 5 oz at birth, are most likely to develop problems. But we're doing everything possible and she is doing fine right now." He explained.
I nodded and waited for him to continue. "Premature infants have less body fat and thinner skin than full-term babies, and their skull bones are still soft, giving their heads a flattened appearance. During delivery, their heads are often protected from vaginal compression and decompression by the use of forceps. Their grasping, sucking, and gag reflexes are not fully developed and that can complicate the feeding process, and their fragile central nervous systems tend to make them hypersensitive to sensory stimuli." He went on.
"Often they are unable to respond to more than one type of stimulus at a time—for example, touch and sound—without becoming overloaded. A premature infant's stage of development does correspond closely to her gestational age rather than to her age since birth. Not only has she had fewer weeks or months to mature since conception, but there is also evidence that during times of acute danger to an infant's health—such as the period that a fragile newborn spends in neonatal intensive care—the physical maturation process is "put on hold" while the baby uses all her energy to fight for her life. Normal maturation does eventually occur, it just happens later." He added, and I felt my heart break.
I was so focused on my daughter that I didn't even feel Brian still holding my hand. "Premature birth can cause significant emotional distress for parents. You may often experience guilt, feeling that there is something that you could have done to prevent the early delivery. However, many premature births occur to mothers who maintain good health habits and are in excellent condition throughout their pregnancies. The majority of premature infants become normal, healthy children and adults, although they do remain small for their ages during their first two or three years." He finished.
~*~
I looked to Brian, who smiled somberly, before looking to Dr. Hunter.
"Can I see her?" I asked. "Please?"
He nodded. "Of course, but only two at a time." He said as my father helped me sit in the wheelchair he brought in. Slowly, I slipped off the bed, padding slowly to the wheelchair a nurse brought me. My IV drip was hooked onto the chair and we started our way down there.
I sat down and turned to see Brian starting to push us down to the NICU. A tiny, blonde nurse named Keira welcomed us in and brought us to where my little girl was. She was laying in an incubator, in a diaper and a hat, hooked up to an IV that was inserted into her umbilical cord.
She was laying on a bed with a radiant heater over her, and she said that we could touch or even hold her. And some monitors were attached to her, so the NICU staff could monitor her, and she said that the nurses often place the infants in soothing positions, like on their sides or on their tummies.
I watched the single monitor, that counted the heart and breathing rate, watching it and praying that she got stronger. A temperature probe was adhered to her skin, displaying her temperature on the monitor. I was glad that she didn't need a ventilator and that she was breathing on her own. She was getting so much stronger and I asked if I could hold her.
"I was wondering if I could feed her and hold her? Dr. Hunter said that I could." I rasped. I wasn't sure how to this but Keira said that she'd help.
"Okay, here she is." Keira said quietly, taking my baby girl out of her incubator. She placed the tiny, little body in my arms. I cradled her in my arms, and her tiny hand.
"She's beautiful, Gemma." Brian whispered, bending down to caress her tiny toes.
I cried happily and sighed. "She is. I know what I want to name her. My little bug, Cassandra Elizabeth Ryan." I said.
Keira smiled and then started to instruct me on how to breastfeed. I wasn't all that familiar with anything like that and even though I was a nurse, I didn't specialize in Pediatrics or Infants. I usually dealt with surgery and the not so nice patients.
"Okay, here's what we're going to do. Untie the back of your gown and place your baby on your chest, underneath your shirt, so she's resting directly on your skin. You're going to place your top back over her, so she doesn't get cold. This skin-to-skin contact can help improve her recovery and she can get better faster. This is also called Kangaroo care." She began.
I nodded, holding Cassie. "Now, rest the side of your baby's head in the crook of your elbow, with her whole body facing you. Position her belly against you, so she can feel supported, and she can be comfortable while she feeds. With one hand, cup your breast and gently stroke your baby's lower lip with your nipple. Your baby's instinctive reflex will be to open the mouth wide." She added.
"With your hand supporting your baby's neck, bring your baby's mouth closer around your nipple, trying to center your nipple in the baby's mouth above the tongue. You'll know your baby is "latched on" correctly when both lips are pursed outward around your nipple. Your infant should have all of your nipple and most of the areola, which is the darker skin around your nipple, in her mouth." Keira finished and as soon as Cassie was connected, I felt her start suckling.
I looked up at Brian, who was looking everywhere else but at me. I gathered that he was embarrassed that I basically had my top off. I switched Cassie to the other side and she began eating again, I just watched this cute little girl who stole my heart.
"Miss Ryan, the best way for parents to help your daughter while she's here is to learn and read her behaviors, such as when she's stressed and needs rest, or what type of interaction she likes, you know singing, or stroking, something like that. It also helps if you can learn what time of day she's alert and how long she can respond before she gets tired. And though you want to make time for her, you also want to allow periods of undisturbed sleep, letting her set the pace for the time that you spend together. It helps immensely." Keira explained, smiling at me, knowing that this was a tough thing to deal with.
After Cassie was finished eating, I burped her gently and Keira set her back in the incubator. I tied my gown back up and just sat there watching her. Looking at the information on her incubator, she was going to have my auburn hair and she was going to have Christian's eyes, I just wanted her to have nothing that wasn't mine.
"Um, do you think...." I began and from where I was sitting, I could see Christian walking down the hall. "Oh, no."
Brian looked at me quizzically. "What's wrong, Gemma?" He asked.
"We should go get Sam, after you get rid of Christian. You have my full permission to kick his ass." I muttered, brushing my hair back.
I knew that Christian was just going to piss me off and after all that I had gone through in the past ten hours, I wasn't looking to fight with him, although, I knew Brian would happily take care of him for me. I wanted Sam to be here with me and after Christian was, then I was going to get Sam down here.
All during this whole pregnancy, I was a trip, really starting to feel pregnant, even though I had been for the last several months. I was still tired, and had experienced occasional migraines and the bouts of dizziness and I was practically a blimp, carrying the baby low, for as tiny as I was. Looking back, my first trimester was nothing compared to this and I was longing for my second trimester where I was feeling energized and ready to go.
My third trimester symptoms weren't as bad As I was eating double what I would, whenever I was out or just at home. I also noticed that my ankles, feet, hands and face were swelling just a bit, and I was convinced that I looked like a marshmallow. I was also experiencing bouts of clumsiness. And I was beginning to experience massive kicking in my lower abdomen.
It felt so great, and to feel my baby kicking inside me, I was awed and amazed. The first time I felt the baby kick, When I told my mother, she told me to write it down so I could tell my doctor. She said that it would help to confirm my due date. Emotionally, I still swung back and forth between joy, apprehension, irritability, and others. My emotions were still a mess and I had no control over them.
I was adamant in keeping Christian out of everything, and my mother agreed with me. My father was of the same opinion and he was doing what he could to make sure that Christian stayed away from me, but it wasn't that easy. I wasn't going to even think about including Christian in any of this, he didn't deserve to be a father to this baby, after all that he did to me, and what he did to my family.
~*~
Today, I was going to the doctors, after all I was going through, I was going have another check up, to make sure that everything was going okay and thankfully, my father was going to be with me, so if I ran into Christian, I wouldn't be alone. So when I got to the office, my name was called and, I waddled back into an exam room.
The nurse, Elizabeth, took my blood pressure, my pulse and all that other stuff. Then I laid back on the table, waiting for my doctor to come into the room. Dr. Hunter came in, smiling and that made me smile.
"Gemma, how are you today?" He asked. "Feeling better?"
I smiled back. "I'm very....." And I was cut off by a familiar face walking through the door. I looked up to see Christian. He was in a pair of dark blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a pair of Nike's. He removed his sunglasses and smiled at me.
"What the hell is he doing here?" I asked, turning to face my father.
My father shook his head. "You...I told you that....Okay, Christian, you can leave. I don't want him here and he's not going to be involved. I have three months left and I'm not going to spend them dealing with him, I don't have that time. I have to stay stress-free and with Christian even around, my patience is going to be thin." I seethed, and felt a kick to my belly. My baby was not happy that I was unhappy.
"Christian, you need to leave." My father chastised. "Gemma doesn't want you here."
I ignored Christian's pleas to talk and turned to Dr. Hunter. "Ready to do this?" He asked.
I nodded. "Yes." I answered. "Christian, leave."
Once Christian left, Dr. Hunter lifted my shirt as my father sat beside me and turned on the ultrasound machine. While waiting for that, he applied a clear water-based gel is applied to the area of my lower and middle abdomen. Before I could ask, I was told that it was to help the transducer make secure contact with the body and eliminate the air pockets between the transducer and the skin. Then he pressed the transducer firmly against the skin and sweeps it over the area of interest.
I heard the little thump-thump and smiled. The smile was firmly planted on my face as I saw my tiny little baby.
"Would you like a picture of the baby?" He asked and I nodded.
I was anxious and then he said the one sentence that made my day. "Your daughter is about four pounds and still growing. It appears that you've stayed away from the stress and you're showing signs of improvement." He replied and I smiled.
I was floating on the clouds. Dr. Hunter wiped my stomach off and pulled my shirt over my belly, and then my father helped me sit up. He handed a sonogram to both myself, and then exited the room. I carefully got to my feet and then grabbed my things from the chair.
I waddled out with my father behind me.
~*~
Week 34: Cassie was the size of a tiny cantaloupe, and growing. For me, I was tired all the time and I had restless nights filled with pee breaks, tossing, turning, trying to get comfy.
Week 35: My baby is the size of a honeydew melon, and growing even more. She's supposed to be gaining more weight as we speak. My uterus reached up under my rib cage, and it was crowding my other organs. I was hoping that in the next few weeks, the baby showed up. I finally decided on an epidural, wanting to be pain free when my little girl came.
Week 36: The baby was taking so much room, I couldn't eat a normal sized meal. I was waiting for the baby to actually drop, but since I was so small, I was sure that I wouldn't feel it. I was also starting to feel pressure increasing in my lower abdomen, walking uncomfortably and peeing even more. I just hoped that it was going to be over soon.
Christian was intent on being around all the time, stopping off at my father's place and just to get rid of him, I went back to Brian's house, where he didn't know where I was. I was alone tonight, Colbie wasn't here, she had been very secretive the entire time, and Matt had been gone as well. I gathered that they were off doing something, and I didn't want to bother them.
As for me, my weight gain had slowed down and had occasional headaches, sometimes feeling faint. I had horrible leg cramps, but I actually got Sam to massage my legs, each time I went to see him. He was wanting to hear about everything that had to do with the baby and smiled when I showed him the recent sonogram. He couldn't wait to meet her, and considered her his daughter. Sam considered Cassie his daughter, and I considered him Cassie's father.
But today, I was lounging around the house. I was exactly thirty-six weeks along and it was only a matter of time before I gave birth to my daughter. Everything was okay, even though I felt heavy, and my back aches were increasing, due to the baby who was getting heavier. My butt and my pelvic region was aching and there was some pain from time to time and my ankles were swelling.
My tummy was itchy and when my belly button was sticking out, the guys found it both fascinating and funny. The day I felt my baby drop, it was weird, but normal, and I was experiencing false contractions, and they were painful from time to time, it was just a sign that I was getting farther along.
My appetite decreased and I didn't eat as much as I used to. And I was very sensitive and very moody, though I was more scared than any other feeling, I wished that she'd come already, but I was scared to leave her, if something went completely wrong. I didn't want to Cassie to go to Christian, and though I had plans to have a happy life with my family and friends, and raise this sweet little girl, I wanted her to be taken care of if something went wrong.
But knowing that I didn't want my baby to be an orphan, or go to Christian, I had to legally set up someone to take her, in case I didn't make it. I knew that the one person I could count on was my mother, so I had called her and set up everything just in case.
"Gemma, we don't have to do this. You've been doing fine, and I'm sure you'll be okay." She said.
I shook my head. "No, Mom. I want to do this, and as long as I know that as long as either you or Colbie has Cassie, then she's safe from Christian. I won't let him touch one hair on her head. I wouldn't trust Christian as far as I could throw him. You and Colbie, are the only two that I trust to raise her." I explained and with great reluctance, she signed the papers.
"Do you have everything ready?" She asked, signing the papers. "You know, for the hospital?"
I nodded. "She's got everything she needs, and she has a name. And she'll have my last name, not Christian's." I said, and we talked for a few more minutes before she left.
~*~
That night, I was alone, since Colbie was gone, and the guys were out with the girls, and my parents were out at a charity event. I thought that everything was okay, when I got up from watching a bit of television, and knew something was wrong when I started feeling sharp, prolonged pain in my stomach as I got up from the couch. It was continuous and wasn't stopping and as fast as I could, I had reached for my phone, and dialed the first person I could find in my contacts.
"Bri...Brian....I....Brian....I n-need h-h-help." I cried, slinking to the floor.
I felt some more pain and knew that he would get the gist of what was happening and then I heard him speak. "I'm on my way, Gem." He said and I ended the call.
I sat there, trying to to breath deeply and keep calm when I heard the door open and then heard Brian's voice.
"Gemma, where are you?" He called.
I winced at the pain. "B-b-bedroom." I replied. "OW!"
He walked in and more pain struck me. "She's coming." I cried.
"Honey, you're only thirty-six weeks." He said as he picked me up, scooping me up in his arms.
He rushed me to the hospital and they immediately took me into a room. I was sitting in a dinky hospital bed, my feet in stirrups, and was waiting for Dr. Hunter to get in here, and while I was doing that, time seemed to pass and I was now, hooked up to an IV, I was in an ugly blue gown with my hair pulled back into a ponytail, holding my mother's hand and enduring the contractions.
A few minutes later, Dr. Hunter came in, all dressed up in his green scrubs, and though I knew what was going to happen, I was scared for myself and for my daughter.
"Gemma, since you're only thirty-six weeks, you've gone into pre-mature labor and it says here that you've started to experience sharp, prolonged pain." He said as he sat down on a rolling chair, and then over to where my feet were. He lifted the blanket and began to take a look at my lower half.
Brian was sitting at my side, holding my hand and as I felt another jolt of pain, I squeezed his hand. "Okay, you are now at stage one, and it looks like you're now experiencing regular uterine contractions with cervix dilation, you're almost dilated to four inches. We're not going to induce, since you're practically on your way to having the baby. I'm sorry, but you're not going to be able to have an epidural." He informed me.
~*~
Thirty minutes later, as I was laying there, fearing for my daughter's life, Dr. Hunter came back into the room, and returned to looking down at my lower half. "Gemma, are the contractions getting stronger and happening more often?" He asked.
"Yes. I feel the need to push. I want to." I cried, sitting up, and having Brian help me.
Dr. Hunter nodded. "Okay, I'm going to count to three, and on three, you're going to push for me." He said as he put gloves on.
"Okay, Gemma. 1....2.....3. Push!" He instructed and I squeezed my father's hand as I gave it everything I had.
I fell back after it was done. "Okay, I can see her head. I need you to push. Come on, Gemma. 1...2....3....Push!" He said. And I gave another push.
Hours later, I felt like my heart was going to stop, when I heard crying and looked to see Brian holding a tiny little girl. She was here, and I was alive, this was the most amazing day of my life. I anxiously awaited my daughter as I was being stitched up and made sure that I was alright.
Dr. Hunter came back after Brian handed my daughter to a dark haired nurse named Lila.
"Gemma, I don't want to alarm you. Um, now due to you giving birth this early, your daughter was born prematurely. She's being cleaned up and being taken to the NICU, she'll be in there for a while, and we'll be monitoring her progress. As of now, she's 4 lbs. 5 oz. and 19 inches long. She's very tiny." He began, explaining it to me.
I nodded, crying and trying to process it all. "All premature infants require special care in a neonatal intensive care unit where their heart function, breathing, and blood pressure, and body temperature can be closely monitored, and oxygen, ventilators and tube feeding are available." He added.
"With the level of care available, she'll be kept in an incubator, a clear plastic enclosure that is temperature-controlled to accommodate her need for extra warmth. She has to be handled slowly and gently. We encourage you to interact with her, feed her, change her and hold her. And because her internal organs have not finished developing, she's facing a number of potential health risks, including a greater susceptibility to infection. Even the smallest infants, those weighing less than 3 lb, 5 oz at birth, are most likely to develop problems. But we're doing everything possible and she is doing fine right now." He explained.
I nodded and waited for him to continue. "Premature infants have less body fat and thinner skin than full-term babies, and their skull bones are still soft, giving their heads a flattened appearance. During delivery, their heads are often protected from vaginal compression and decompression by the use of forceps. Their grasping, sucking, and gag reflexes are not fully developed and that can complicate the feeding process, and their fragile central nervous systems tend to make them hypersensitive to sensory stimuli." He went on.
"Often they are unable to respond to more than one type of stimulus at a time—for example, touch and sound—without becoming overloaded. A premature infant's stage of development does correspond closely to her gestational age rather than to her age since birth. Not only has she had fewer weeks or months to mature since conception, but there is also evidence that during times of acute danger to an infant's health—such as the period that a fragile newborn spends in neonatal intensive care—the physical maturation process is "put on hold" while the baby uses all her energy to fight for her life. Normal maturation does eventually occur, it just happens later." He added, and I felt my heart break.
I was so focused on my daughter that I didn't even feel Brian still holding my hand. "Premature birth can cause significant emotional distress for parents. You may often experience guilt, feeling that there is something that you could have done to prevent the early delivery. However, many premature births occur to mothers who maintain good health habits and are in excellent condition throughout their pregnancies. The majority of premature infants become normal, healthy children and adults, although they do remain small for their ages during their first two or three years." He finished.
~*~
I looked to Brian, who smiled somberly, before looking to Dr. Hunter.
"Can I see her?" I asked. "Please?"
He nodded. "Of course, but only two at a time." He said as my father helped me sit in the wheelchair he brought in. Slowly, I slipped off the bed, padding slowly to the wheelchair a nurse brought me. My IV drip was hooked onto the chair and we started our way down there.
I sat down and turned to see Brian starting to push us down to the NICU. A tiny, blonde nurse named Keira welcomed us in and brought us to where my little girl was. She was laying in an incubator, in a diaper and a hat, hooked up to an IV that was inserted into her umbilical cord.
She was laying on a bed with a radiant heater over her, and she said that we could touch or even hold her. And some monitors were attached to her, so the NICU staff could monitor her, and she said that the nurses often place the infants in soothing positions, like on their sides or on their tummies.
I watched the single monitor, that counted the heart and breathing rate, watching it and praying that she got stronger. A temperature probe was adhered to her skin, displaying her temperature on the monitor. I was glad that she didn't need a ventilator and that she was breathing on her own. She was getting so much stronger and I asked if I could hold her.
"I was wondering if I could feed her and hold her? Dr. Hunter said that I could." I rasped. I wasn't sure how to this but Keira said that she'd help.
"Okay, here she is." Keira said quietly, taking my baby girl out of her incubator. She placed the tiny, little body in my arms. I cradled her in my arms, and her tiny hand.
"She's beautiful, Gemma." Brian whispered, bending down to caress her tiny toes.
I cried happily and sighed. "She is. I know what I want to name her. My little bug, Cassandra Elizabeth Ryan." I said.
Keira smiled and then started to instruct me on how to breastfeed. I wasn't all that familiar with anything like that and even though I was a nurse, I didn't specialize in Pediatrics or Infants. I usually dealt with surgery and the not so nice patients.
"Okay, here's what we're going to do. Untie the back of your gown and place your baby on your chest, underneath your shirt, so she's resting directly on your skin. You're going to place your top back over her, so she doesn't get cold. This skin-to-skin contact can help improve her recovery and she can get better faster. This is also called Kangaroo care." She began.
I nodded, holding Cassie. "Now, rest the side of your baby's head in the crook of your elbow, with her whole body facing you. Position her belly against you, so she can feel supported, and she can be comfortable while she feeds. With one hand, cup your breast and gently stroke your baby's lower lip with your nipple. Your baby's instinctive reflex will be to open the mouth wide." She added.
"With your hand supporting your baby's neck, bring your baby's mouth closer around your nipple, trying to center your nipple in the baby's mouth above the tongue. You'll know your baby is "latched on" correctly when both lips are pursed outward around your nipple. Your infant should have all of your nipple and most of the areola, which is the darker skin around your nipple, in her mouth." Keira finished and as soon as Cassie was connected, I felt her start suckling.
I looked up at Brian, who was looking everywhere else but at me. I gathered that he was embarrassed that I basically had my top off. I switched Cassie to the other side and she began eating again, I just watched this cute little girl who stole my heart.
"Miss Ryan, the best way for parents to help your daughter while she's here is to learn and read her behaviors, such as when she's stressed and needs rest, or what type of interaction she likes, you know singing, or stroking, something like that. It also helps if you can learn what time of day she's alert and how long she can respond before she gets tired. And though you want to make time for her, you also want to allow periods of undisturbed sleep, letting her set the pace for the time that you spend together. It helps immensely." Keira explained, smiling at me, knowing that this was a tough thing to deal with.
After Cassie was finished eating, I burped her gently and Keira set her back in the incubator. I tied my gown back up and just sat there watching her. Looking at the information on her incubator, she was going to have my auburn hair and she was going to have Christian's eyes, I just wanted her to have nothing that wasn't mine.
"Um, do you think...." I began and from where I was sitting, I could see Christian walking down the hall. "Oh, no."
Brian looked at me quizzically. "What's wrong, Gemma?" He asked.
"We should go get Sam, after you get rid of Christian. You have my full permission to kick his ass." I muttered, brushing my hair back.
I knew that Christian was just going to piss me off and after all that I had gone through in the past ten hours, I wasn't looking to fight with him, although, I knew Brian would happily take care of him for me. I wanted Sam to be here with me and after Christian was, then I was going to get Sam down here.