Wonderful Life

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. Matt has tried everything he could to get me to eat and to sleep. Val has been a sweetheart to me these past few days. Nothing works. Every time that I close my eyes to try and sleep I end up screaming my lungs raw from the nightmares that I get. Matt did put in my resignation letter for me at the hospital. There is no way that I could work at another hospital again. I would have to find a new job that didn't bring bad memories to the surface. For the most part I sell merchandise for the guys when they go on tour, so if need be I know they'll let me do that.

I don't know if the morning after pill worked in stopping me from getting pregnant or not. I hope it did, but if not I haven't exactly been nurturing my body like I should be. I can't seem to keep anything down even if I try. The one thing that I do manage to keep down is milk. I have been drinking tons of milk for some time now that I don’t even taste it anymore. Matt kept his word by keeping this from Brian. I know it kills him to keep this a secret, but I can't have Brian flipping out. I just can't.

"Colbie, honey, you need to eat," Matt's voice wafted into the room.

I ignored him. I continued to sit in my little corner rocking back and forth. It's all I've been able to do since the night after he brought me to his house. I heard him sigh and then leave the room. My cuts and bruises were fading, but some of them were still visible. My hair fell around my face, but there was no life or body to it anymore. I took showers to stay clean, but I didn't do anything else. Sometimes I would think about Kellan and Nikki and see wonder what they were up to. I thought about calling them, but I didn't want to make myself seem needy of their attention. I was grateful for their help and grateful that they didn't tell anyone.

"COLBIE ARALYN HANER," Brian's voice roared from downstairs.

I flinched at his voice. I don't know how he knew I was here or why he was here to begin with, but I heard his pounding footsteps running up the stairs. The door slammed open with a loud bang and I flinched at the noise.

"Colbie, what the hell has gotten into you," Brian's voice asked.

I ignored him just like I ignored Matt earlier. Maybe I shouldn't have trusted Matt with this secret. He obviously couldn't keep his promise to me. I continued to rock back forth. My arms and legs were covered with material and since my head was resting on the tops of my knees with my hair covering my face he couldn't see anything.

"Colbie?" Brian asked tentatively.

I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything. There was nothing that I could do that would make this pain and hurt go away. There was nothing that I could do that would change the events that already happened. A hand touched my shoulder and I freaked out. I started screaming and I felt tears rolling down my eyes. I hadn't stopped crying since the attack. Sometimes I would, but then a fresh wave of pain and agony would consume my body and I would start to cry again.

"Hey, hey, Colbie, it's me, come on," Brian's voice whispered in my ear.

I cringed at the feel of breath on my ear. It brought back the memories that I so desperately wanted to forget. I considered Gemma to be lucky since she was drugged before she was raped. I had to endure it while I was wide awake and fighting for it to not happen. I wasn't strong enough to fight him off. I was too weak. I jumped to my feet faster than I thought possible considering the fact that I hadn't eaten anything. Snatching my phone off the side table by the bed I flew down the stairs trying to escape. Running footsteps could be heard behind me. I pushed faster not wanting to be caught.

Unfortunately, I ran smack dab into a solid wall of flesh. I managed to regain my balance and when my vision cleared I noticed that it was Matt. I glared at him.

"YOU FUCKING PROMISED THAT YOU WOULDN'T TELL," I screamed at him. "YOU PROMISED ME," I continued to scream as I pounded my fists against his chest. He didn't stop me from hitting him. He knew that he broke his promise. I continued to pound on his chest until my knees gave out and sunk against him. He caught me and brought me closer to him.

"I'm sorry baby girl, really I am, but you gave me no choice," he whispered, trying to soothe
me.

I cried into his chest not wanting to face my brother. He had stopped running and I could hear him panting in the distance. He wanted to know what was wrong with me and why I've been acting the way I have been. I couldn't tell him. Matt's strong arms were rocking me back and forth, but making me feel protected and safe at the moment. I missed Jimmy. I really did miss him. He would have been the first one I would have gone to about this if he was still here with us. I wish he was still here. Jimmy would have kept his mouth shut if I had asked him to.

"Colbie, please don't shut me out. Let me help you please," I heard Brian plead a few feet away from where Matt sat on the floor.

I continued to clutch onto Matt not sure if I could really let Brian see my appearance at the moment. He kept pleading though. It was getting on my nerves. I kept my hair in front of my face as I finally detached my hands from the back of Matt's shirt. I jerked away from him and finally attached myself to my brother. I cried into his shoulder as held me tightly. His warm arms making me feel safe and secure as I continued to cry.

"Shhh, baby, please don't cry. Whatever happened, I'll help you with it," he whispered into my ear.

I shook my head no at what he said. "What do you mean no?" he asked. I tried to regain my composure so that I can try and tell him what happened. If anything he needed to know. He was my brother after all, so I knew that he would do anything for me. My sobs became less hysterical and more into light whimpers. When I knew that I couldn't cry anymore I pulled away from Brian's embrace. I was careful to keep my hair in front of my face though and my head looking away from him.

"Colbie, please tell me what happened. Matt told me that you weren't eating or sleeping, but he wouldn't tell me why. Can you please tell me?" he asked.

I took a deep breath in. If I was going to tell him anything it wasn't going to have to be now. I don't think I could muster up enough courage to tell him later. I dried the left over tears from my cheeks still keeping my face turned away from him. Unfortunately, Brian had different plans. He wanted me to look at him while I told him what happened. He slipped two fingers underneath my chin and made me look at him. My limp hair fell away from my face as it was lifted up. I waited for the explosion of rage to come from him.

"Colbie, what the hell happened to you?" he asked, trying to assess the cuts and bruises still littered all over my face.

"I was assaulted," I mumbled a little too low.

"What?" he pressed.

"I was assaulted at work," I told him louder.

"By whom?" he asked, his face contorting with rage.

"My boss, Dr. Richards," I answered.

"Why the hell would he do that?" Brian asked bewildered.

"I don't know," I replied.

"That's fucked up," Brian hissed angrily.

"That's not all he did," I said in a low croaky voice.

His head snapped back to mine. "What?" he asked.

"He didn't just physically assault me," I said.

"Tell me he didn't, please tell me he didn’t," he pleaded with me, after that statement.

"I can't," I said, feeling more tears prick the corner of my eyes.

He crushed me against his chest again and I couldn't help the tears as they escaped. He rubbed my back whispering to me and telling me that he'd be there for me. I choked on a sob and he continued to console me.

"I wish you would have called me sooner," he said.

"I couldn't. I didn't want to disappoint you," I said.

"Disappoint me, Colbie you wouldn't have disappointed me in anything. This is not your fault, so don't blame yourself. You didn't know that he would do something like that," he said.

"I miss Jimmy," I said.

"I know honey, I do to. You want to know what he would have done," he asked. I looked at him after pulling away. "He would have done everything in his power to make you laugh. He loved you so much that seeing you hurt would have hurt him so he would have done everything he could to cheer you up," he grinned.

"I know he would. He had a crazy ass mind," I laughed lightly.

He hugged me tightly again. I looked behind me to see that Matt had left the room. I was surprised. I thought maybe he would have stayed. After one more hug Brian pulled away from me and then helped me to my feet. He held me at arms length and frowned.

"You haven't been eating why?" he asked.

"I haven't been able to keep anything but milk down. Every time I eat any kind of food it always comes back up," I answer.

"Are you pregnant?" he wondered.

"God I hope not. If I am, I'm getting a fucking abortion," I snarl my response.

"Why?" he asked.

"I don't care if the baby didn't fucking do anything. I care about the fact that the baby was conceived without my fucking consent and I won't be able to look at that baby the rest of my life without a constant reminder," I tell him.

"It's your decision. I won't try and tell you otherwise," he said reassuringly.

"Good. I need to go call a friend of mine," I replied, walking away from him.

When I step outside into the backyard I dial Kellan's number. I talked to him for a few minutes and set up a date with him as well. He was quite happy about that considering I hadn't talked to him since the incident. I knew that he was anxious to hear from me. When he had answered the phone and I had told him that I was calling he sounded so relieved. I found it kind of funny. After I ended the phone call I headed back inside the house. I needed to return home with Brian. Maybe I could heal better with him. I found Matt upstairs in the room that I had been staying in. He was packing clothes.

"Matt," I said, trying to get his attention.

He looked at me and smiled. "I know, you're probably still pissed at me for even mentioning to Brian about this, and I'm sorry. You left me no choice. I couldn't bear to see you deteriorate before my eyes. The only way I could even think to help you was call Brian," he said in one breath.

"It's okay Matt. I'm actually thanking you. I wasn't thinking straight and if you hadn't stepped in I probably would have ended up doing a whole lot worse to myself," I said.

He sighed. I walked over to him and gave him a big hug. He rubbed my back with a small chuckle and then I felt him kiss my temple. I hugged him tighter before pulling away. We finished packing the clothes that I had there and then he walked me downstairs. Brian stood up from the couch when we entered the living room. He took my bag from Matt and then we left his house.

Three more weeks passed after I started living at home again. All my cuts and bruises were now gone. I had gone to the doctors to take a pregnancy test and thankfully it came up negative. I was so happy. I had gone on three more dates with Kellan and things started to look up for me again. I was selling merchandise for the upcoming tour that my brother told me about was going to happen after they finished with the album. It was scheduled to come out in July. I was excited. I went back to playing my drums that Jimmy had left to me and I was getting better. The band that I had started was looking up.

We were in the process of making an album. We had five full songs already and those were the ones that Jimmy had provided for me. I liked his work so I started coming up with stuff similar to what he had done. I kind of wanted to have a different sound and take on music than what my brother and his band were creating. I loved their stuff, but I had a different mind in where to take things. My band seemed to like the idea so we started going for it. There was no way I would go back to being a nurse. As much as I loved helping people and saving lives I realized that it wasn't giving me the thrill that I truly loved the most.

I still haven't told Gemma about what happened to me. She didn't need to stress about my predicament when she had a little girl to look after. Her little girl needed her more than I did at the moment so it was all good. I spent a lot of time with Nikki and we had a blast. I still haven't introduced either one of them to Brian just yet, but I knew that I needed to. I was jolted from my thoughts by my phone ringing.

"Hello," I answered.

"Colbie, it's Kellan. Are we still on for our date on Saturday," he asked.

"Of course we are. Why would I cancel," I asked him.

"I don't know, I just wanted to make sure you weren't getting cold feet. Premieres are a bigthing," he said.

"I know, but I'm not new to fame so I should be fine," I answered.

"What do you mean by that," he asked.

"Um, well I need to introduce you to my brother and my brother's friends. They are going to want to give you the third degree, so if you want to pick me up earlier that might be best," I said.

"That's fine. I'd rather be early anyway," he said with a smile in his voice.

"Good, then I'll see you Saturday," I said.

"See you Saturday," he said.

I hung up the phone and then heaved a heavy sigh. I don't know how I was going to handle Saturday night, but I knew that I would have too. Val, Michelle, and Gena were already helping me get ready for it and they haven't told anyone so far. They knew how to keep secrets. The only person that I had to deal with was my brother and of course his three friends as well. I already knew that Jimmy would have liked him, but that was mainly because they had a similar sense of humor.

I still preferred Jimmy's sense of humor though. I had to come up with a plan that would allow me to leave with Kellan without my brother giving him a black eye. It was going to be difficult, but I was ready for the challenge.